Click the links below for more info. You know you wanna do it!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

VSG surgery Fat and feelings

??3.0 down 2.6 lbs from yesterday

I was so relieved when I set foot on the scale and it went back into my comfortable territory. I hopped on Bessie part deux 3 times just to make sure that my eyes weren't deceiving me. The third time was actually 4/10ths lower, but I said, eh what the hell and took the bigger number.

I was doing ok on the water last week, but not having protein shakes this week has really made a difference in my hydration levels. I have two shakes a day at 22 ozs and if I'm not drinking them, that pretty much means I'm in the red. For the past few days I've been waking up with a dry nose and mouth and it's very unpleasant. With shakes on hand, hopefully I can get back into my routine and stay on top of errthang. I bought a trio of nifty reusable water cups so I can hopefully psych myself into thinking the water that flows from my fridge is something a little more eleganté than what it is. Nothing classes up the joint like lids and straws!

There's a lot of stuff going on with me and I just don't know where to start. I found out during the course of my therapy and treatment for the accident that I have a herniated disk. The doc thinks that with tlc and proper treatment it is something that might resolve itself, but...... I just don't know. I feel like I'm too young to have a bad back. That's an ailment that instantly ages you like 15 years. *sigh* I still have neck pain, headaches, sometimes my ankle goes all wonky, but the herniated disk diagnosis feels like one more nail in the rapidly closing coffin of my youth.

Sometimes I wish that I could wake up in my old body just so that I can really see how far I've come. It seems like my old body was something that happened to somebody else, like its not me. It seems so far removed, but I still remember.
I remember not being able to wash dishes for more than 5 minutes at a time because my back would be groaning for relief.
I remember standing in my closet looking at clothes that wouldn't fit, trying to find something, anything, that I could wear.
I remember not wanting to go anywhere because of whispers, and stares, and " Oh my God she's gotten so big" comments.
I remember these things, but I wish that just for one moment, I could feel them. If I could feel them, then I could do more than remember, I could really, truly appreciate this journey. I'm not saying that I don't, I'm just saying........


Friday, December 24, 2010

VSG surgery And the winner of the Gastric Sleeve Book is.......


Munchkin and Lady Luck 1!!! Congrats!!

Send me your addresses and I will get the books out to day. lol There may be delay with all of the holiday stuff going on, but I'll get them to you.

Thanks to all of you who participated and a HUGE thanks to Dr. Alvarez of


Thursday, December 23, 2010

VSG surgery Sleevie Wonder and Dr. Alvarez


Yesterday I went to La Madeleine had the quiche and got a box of linzer cookies to go. The quiche was incredible, but the linzer cookie,
They are addictive! You will spend way too much money buying them, way too much time driving to get them, and way too many nights explaining to your children that you couldn't make it too open house/ pta/ meetings/holiday pageants because you were out cheating with the French hussy. Voulez vous coucher avec moi? Mais oui!

The good news is, I ate them and enjoyed them in the moment. There was no inhaling, no crumb faced glassy eyed stupor, no panic. I savored them. :)

The contest closes tomorrow, so if you want to enter, contact me in via email, comment, FB, morse code, smoke signal, telepathy, or by fedexed bribe of linzer cookies. If you're concerned about privacy, we can work something out. Anyhoo, I wanted to share with you two HILARIOUS pics I got as entries into the contest.  Enjoy!

Monday, December 20, 2010

VSG surgery Dr. Guillermo Alvarez and The Gastric Sleeve Book

The ??2.6

So here's the big news! Dr Guillermo Alvarez, a prominent bariatric surgeon, has generously donated autographed copies of his new book The Gastric Sleeve. While he was not my surgeon, he is one of the warmest and most gracious people that I've had the pleasure of getting to know in my new post surgery life. He is a rockstar in the bariatric and world, yet he takes the time to answer questions no matter how small.

If you're preop especially you want this, but there is some great info for us postops as well. Enter for you or if you know someone who can use this book, give it to them. If you want to enter and you are already a blog follower and/or FB fan, you will get extra chances to win. (i just made this list this morning so I know who you are)

SOOOOOO, if you want a chance to win one of Dr. Alvarez's books do up to 4 things listed below for up to 4 chances to win.
1. Become a blog follower or subscribe via email (look on right hand side of page)
2. "Like" the Waning Woman FB page
3. Grab the Sleevie Wonder button and add it to your page
4. Follow me on Twitter and retweet this giveaway.
5. Photoshop Sleevie Wonder doing something wild and email it to me waningwoman at g m
6.Photoshop Dr. Alvarez's head onto this picture or another awesome rockstar pic and also email it to me

To enter, please leave a comment with the number of things you did and if you aren't a FB fan or blog follower, a way to get in touch with you. The contest closes on Friday, so get to gettin y'all!

PS. Contact Dr. Alvarez on twitter or his FB fan page and let him know how cool this is.


Thursday, December 16, 2010

VSG surgery Back fat and diabetes

??3.8............ 120.2 lbs lost to date

So, I did it. I've lost 120 lbs in less than 10 months. I've lost 1.1935 Nicole Richies! If I keep my original goal of 185 then I'm more than 75% of the way there. Since I've lost the weight and know how I look and how I feel, I think that I want to adjust my goal weigh upwards. I'm almost there.

30 lbs ago
One goal that I can't tie to any specific number is back fat eradication. Overall, I'm not complaining, but if you look at the pic from yesterday you can see the piece of Addie that I want gone. (That "shadow" at my elbow is back fat trench). I hope that I can make life uncomfortable enough for that cotdamaged *&#**^@%%$$@ that she will pack a bag and run away like the delinquent that she is. I really don't care what happens to her. She can end up on the streets on NY sleeping on cardboard box beds, babbling incoherently while wearing a crooked wig like shes on an episode of Bobby and Whitney Intervention.
Size 14. Look at the gap!
Unquenchable thirst grabbed a hold of me last week like I was traversing the Sahara in an all black Klan suit with Uggs. No matter what I did, I could. not. stay. hydrated. It got so bad that it was waking me up out of my sleep every single night. I didn't say about it until I could make sure what was going on with me, because excessive thirst is one of the hallmarks of being a diabetical, yes, I said diabetical. Fortunately, blood sugar testing kits are super duper cheap so I went to Walmart on one extra thirsty night and picked up everything I needed for less than 18 bucks. I made it back to the car ripped into that package before I was even in the car good. I checked out my blood sugar and WHEW!!!! everything was ok.
I'm still not sure what the cause of it was, but I'm doing better this week.

One of my fellow WLS bloggers, who happens to be my top commeneter, is having a 55.00 gift code giveaway on her page. Check it out. She super talented, funny as hell, and does a mean Eskimo impression.

So go hit up Miss Chrissy, yall.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

VSG surgery Cookies and Sleevie Wonder


Dinner last night was a vegan tamale ( the bomb!!!) and PT decided that he wanted to make some cookies for dessert. When they came out of the oven, there was just a hint of a light brown ring encircling them while the middles were still soft. They smelled delicious! I grabbed two....then one more........and one more. And only then did I realize that I overdid it.
I wasn't the number of them, it was only 4, but it was the way that I ate them. I ate them SO fast that I didn't realize that they were cloying sweet and not really Sleevie Wonder friendly until I'd finished them all. I cookie monstered those things and before I knew it, I was sitting there with a sick feeling in my belly.
While I know that I will never be one of those sanctimonious, transfat crucifying people who eschews cookies and the good stuff for life, part of me wishes that I could be.
I wish that The Beast could be banished to some far away island or be cursed like Medusa to live trapped forever in stone.
I wish that instead of abhorring cardio, I adored cardio.
I wish that one instance of mindless eating could just be one instance of mindless eating instead of the potential first step down that slippery slope.
But wishes don't come true cause if they did, I would have wished those wishes a long time ago......and I never would have needed surgery.

This isn't just a woefest, though. Even with the cookie episode last night, my weight wasn't negatively affected. I'm lighter than I was yesterday and I could even potentially be out of this middle number by the end of the year. If not that, I know without a shadow of a doubt I will hit 120 lbs lost this month.  AND, I only ate one tamale last night. :)


Monday, December 13, 2010

VSG surgery Big things and scent


I've got something SUPER, DUPER, fantastically great that is about to come up and you want to be a FB fan and a blog/twitter follower. When I found out that it was actually going to happen, I was so excited that I actually ran in place and started waving my hands frantically. I can't tell you what it is just yet, but the first huge clue sounds like crescendo lariat trick  I'm telling you, you want to become a fan and/or a follower now.

Today didn't start out the best way that it could have. Normally I wake up and have my Premier protein shake and a Propel or water, but this morning I had a late start and barely had time to brush my teeth before my ride was here to pick me up for therapy. Since the car accident, I've been going to physical therapy and I still have a lot more to go.
Anyway, I'm laying on the traction table and there are the two women having the most inappropriate conversation in the history of all things inapproriate! Lady A was telling Lady B that she has no scent at all "down there". Lady A added, " Even after (intercourse) when you have all of them secretions and stuff, I still don't have no scent." Lady B said something to Lady A, but then Lady A replied, " You can ask any man I done ever been with that I don't have no scent at all. I was blessed like that." OMGWTFisgoingoninhere?!?!?!?! I was on my phone tweeting about this bullshit in real time. Then, Lady A turned to Lady B and said, "Mama, ..........." The rest of that sentence, whatever the hell it was, was a complete and total blur to me. As soon as I heard the word "Mama" my brain, in a state of disbelief, ceased to function. This takes inappropriateness to a level reserved for perverted, bicycle seat sniffers. That was just all the way wrong. I hope that this tasteless mother/daughter duo isn't there on Wednesday.

Well, I have some more tamales to make, so I better get off my ass and get to work.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

VSG surgery Quinoa and Veggies


Yesterday I don't know what got into me, but for dinner I wanted to cook quinoa. I've never eaten it before, never cooked it before, but because it is protein packed grain ( win-win ) I figured it was worth going to my local Sprouts to see if I could find some. And I did :) Since it is cooked pretty much like rice, I decided to make a variation of a rice based dish for my first go at it.

 Fried Quinoa with Ginger Soy Chicken Tenders for Two

Here's a rough recipe
1 cup of quinoa
2 cups of water
1 carrot- sliced
1 zucchini-diced
1 small onion- sliced
1 clove of garlic
small bunch of broccoli
cooking oil of your choice

This is where I didn't measure out quantities
about a lb and a half of chicken tenders
a few splashes of Soy Sauce
dash of fish sauce (optional)
pepper to taste
1/8 to 1/4 tsp ginger-I used dried
packet of sweetener

Mix together all ingredients for chicken and set aside.

Add quinoa and water to a pot, bring to a boil, then reduce heat to medium low and cover with a lid.
Wait about 8 minutes and add a small quantity of oil to skillet and cook carrots first
Wait another 2 minutes and then add other veggies.
Cook for about another 5-8 minutes until desired color and consistency.
Remove quinoa from pot and put it into the skillet with the vegetables on high heat.
The quinoa will be dancing in the skillet! 
Cook for another 2-3 minutes, remove from heat and then place quinoa mixture into serving bowl

Use the same skillet on medium heat to cook the chicken. Don't flip until there is a good ring of white around the edges so that it gets good color. Cook until done and voila!!!



Monday, December 6, 2010

VSG surgery Ghetto and Santa

??5.2 I think

The Kid is SO excited for Christmas this year which in turn makes me excited. This is the first year that he actually gets it. Last year he was sitting around slack jawed, glossy eyed, and wanting to go back to sleep during Christmas, but this year he's making gift requests. Anyway, he wanted to go see Santa and there was one at the Walgreen's near our house, so we went.
We walk into Walgreen's, see a man with a Santa suit on.  He is standing around in cosmetics chatting it up with the girl at the counter and he then turns to us and says, , " Hey....uh.... yaw....uh.... wanna take a pitcher wit Santa." Pt and I looked at each other thinking "This is nice. The store employees are really getting into the spirit" We walk over to the picture area, and he plops his ass down in chair and we look at each other. This ghetto MF IS Santa. OH hell to the NO!
On top of having diction problems, crooked facial hair, and an ill fitting suit, this Santa was fighting another uphill struggle. Some stuff just is what it is.
Martin Luther King is Black.
George Washington is White.
Oprah is Black.
Santa is WHITE!!!!
 You have to step ya game up and be the BEST Santa you can be if you are an un-White Santa. You cannot be a low budget, garage sale, Blue Light Special, Santa Claus if you are Black.

good Black Santa

good Asian Santa
Good Indian Santa. he's not even trying
I'm just sayin....

Now this right here transcends race!

As I said on my FB page, we are in a recession and there are too many people looking for work. There is no reason at all to hire a raggedy Santa. Just get some good Santas for these chirruns, that's all I'm sayin!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

VSG surgery Snow and Thomas


This isn't really going to be much of an entry today. I just wanted to share with you one of my favorite winter songs-and it comes from Thomas the Train. That's all.


Thursday, December 2, 2010

VSG surgery Hangovers and bones

??5.0 119lbs to date!

I woke up feeling like crap today because yesterday I was slacking like hell on my water. I don't know what got into me ( apparently not water) but I only had a protein shake and I do not remember having anything else to drink. I have one of those all night bender headaches, which is not surprising considering that most of the effects of a hangover are from dehydration. I think that the next time I feel like this I want to have partied with Jose, Jim, and had Sex on the Beach with Tom Collins during a Hurricane under a Starry Night. There.

that skelly has SASS!!!
Weird thing about losing weight is you start finding stuff. Not the fluffy, this-is-the-reason-I-had-surgery-in-the-first-place stuff like energy or self esteem. No, nothing like that. I mean things like the sternum and your xyphoid process, your coccyx ( get your mind outta the gutter), BONES people.
I was in panic the the day convinced that some alien life form was going to burst forth from my chest in a crimson spray of flesh, blood, and sad boob bits. I yelled for PT to come into the room

ww- what the hell is this?
pt- what the hell is what?
ww- THIS!!, pointing to the alien fetus eruption point.
pt- that?
ww- yeah
pt- that's supposed to be there.
ww- is it supposed to feel like that?
pt- yeah, I'm pretty sure it is

xyphoid process.
"This" happened to be my xyphoid process. Jesus, I wasn't fat for all that long, but I guess even a few years and you start forgetting what your normal anatomy is. Anyway, while I'm finding things, I hope that I can find a nice rack somewhere.


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

VSG surgery Pete and Repeat


My weight is up, but honestly I feel smaller. Eating a little extra, not drinking my water like I need to, and having the Scarlet Crusade march into town, and its no wonder that my weight is up. I'm super ok with it though.

I woke up this morning and had my mouth FIXED for my Premier Protein Shake. I was motivated to start the day out right, but when I realized that I left them more than 100 miles away, my elation turned into deflation. *sigh* I've told you before that
its a promise.....and its empty alright
If I don't have my protein shake to reach for first thing in the morning, I don't suddenly think to myself, " Self, why don't you scramble you up a healthy protein filled omelette or tuna salad?" Nah, that's too much like right. I'll cook in the evenings, but I just can't bring myself to do it in the mornings. Maybe if Santa doesn't find out that I think he needs a VSG and I find his activities with little people questionable if I'm good enough, I can ask Santa, and on on Christmas morning I can find motivation in my stocking instead of empty promises, broken records, cupcake wrappers, and dog hair.

Oh yeah! This list of things in my stocking, just jogged my memory. What in the oh-no-they-didn't hell is going on just a few blocks from my house??
Open air drug deals?.....nah
A sweat shop?.............nope
Midget porn studio?.......nyet
Puppy mill?............negative

wait for it
wait for it
wait for it

A motherfrucking, cot damaged,
What makes anybody in their right mind think this is ok.??? I'm telling yall that this is the work of Beelzebub himself.
In the name of all that is good, and holy, and healthy, and non panic inducing, I implore you to band together with sanctimonious, harmonious, Thelonious, pandemonious, praise and worship and rebuke the spirit of the Cupcake Demon up outta here. Yall better "re" everything up in here. Rebuke the demons, renew my strength, reactivate, reduce, reuse, recuse, readjust, reassemble, reappropriate, and recycle.

I'm out like Pete and Repeat on that damned boat.


Monday, November 22, 2010

VSG surgery Cot and Damage

??6 something

Hi guys! Things are still crazy, but there was a big enough break in the crazy that I was able to come home, spend the night, and pick up a few things (including my Premier Protein Shakes!!!) before I get back on the road again. Even with all of the crazy, there have still been some breaks in the clouds to let some good come through.

cute winter boots that ACTUALLY zip
So Sleevie Wonder has been working overtime to keep my overly stressed ass from eating too much and putting on weight. I've been eating all of the wrong foods at all of the wrong times, waking and going to sleep at odd hours, not drinking all of my water and other assorted activities that aren't conducive to weight loss. At any other point in my life,  simply being at my parents' house, much less being at my parents' house PLUS dealing with a stressful situation, would be enough for me to come home 5 lbs heavier This time though, I managed to have a waaay better outcome. I know that Sleevie isn't a miracle worker, but he sure pulled the rabbit out of the hat with this one. I'm only a few tenths up from my lowest weight.

See!!! Lookee! Those boots over there, THEY FIT ME!!!! All my life I've had a pretty hard time finding boots that zip up seeing as how I inherited T-Rex legs from my mama. T-Rex legs are hard enough to shop for, but fat T-rex legs were impossible to shop for. Impossible like Texans without  big hair, hashbrowns turning back into potatoes, me not liking CAAAAAKE!! Buying those boots was truly a slendifferiffic occasion.

I took the stairs multiple times, I went  in my mom's closet and pulled out some clothes and they FIT, went to Old Navy and bought a jacket, went to IHOP had a quarter of a pancake and two bites of omlette, got compliments left and right ( that NEVER gets old to me). Sleevie and I are getting along swimmingly.

 On the count of three say "cot damage"  like you're saying it to the last 5 pounds that are keeping you from getting to your goal. 1........2...........3..........." COT DAMAGE!!!!"  Lol, I was in the car the other day and this little kid walked by the car and was trying to day GD, but it ended up coming out more like cot damage. That's a new Waning Woman phrase. Feel free to use it, but not too freely. If you are a follower you can use it up to 5 times, but after that , I gotta charge ya. My generosity has bounds but my greed has none.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

VSG surgery Wind and sails


Though still somewhat feverish and coughing up the green, I was feeling much better today. Sleevie feels a bit off, but my acid has been really under control. My appetite is next to nothing and I've been getting by on shakes and random bits of string cheese that The Kid feels like sharing with me.I even found out that Eggface like my FB page!! All in all, it was a far better day than I'd been having.......Until I got the phone call.

The Thing of Which I Will Not Speak reared its head and is in full on assault mode. It hasn't taken its usual form, but a form more nefariously silent. I'm sick of it, I really am. I am so sick of it, that I don't cry anymore. I feel agitated and uneasy in my skin and then an uneasy stillness comes over me. I don't feel angry or sad, I just feel the troubled emptiness-the emptiness of a vacuum of emotion. *sigh*
I feel like I need to feel something, though. By feeling, I am doing. And while I cannot beat down this brick wall, isn't it better than sitting in the corner staring at it emotionlessly? If I rage and weep and gnash and wail, that's better than what I feel, right?.....right? I just don't know.

I'm on my way out of town in a few hours and  while I'll try to nablopomo, it doesn't really matter anyway since I missed Nov. 1st. I'm gonna go pack and I will


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

VSG surgery Viruses and predictive text

??5.2.    So i'm lying here on the couch pecking out a blog entry for the day on my not-so-smartphone. It's was better than my other pos phone, so I won't be complaining too much. My one huge gripe is predictive text. There are like two things already that I wanted to say but predictive text decided that it knew better than me and vetoed my choice of words. The crazy thing is that I turned it off but somehow its still mucking with fe.  Anyway, please bear with me and my formatting issues today.
 I've backed away 36 inches from death's door, so while I still feel like crap, it's way better than feeling like beaten crap, or flambed crap, or hogtied, gagged, and forced to watch Jersey Shore crap. Luckily for me, PT has pretty much given me a pass on everything but breathing.....and hacking up phlegm.      
I really thought that me and me leukocytes were cooler than that. How dare they betray me and allow this viral assault upon my body?! 
Now that I can open my eyes and sit upright, it isn't all bad as i've had a chance to check out some stuff on netflix that i've been meaning to get around to.  I've also watched more Thomas in two days than a classroom of preschoolers would watch all year. I also realized that my vents and ceiling fans are in dire need of a thorough cleaning. There ARE actually productive things that one can get done on one's back. Anyway, i'm finna go take me another shower. All of this sweating has got me smelling rather ripe, so for the sake of nostricular integrity, I will ttyl

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

#VSG surgery Sick and sicker

??9.0 WHAT?!?!?!

I'm not sure what's going on with my weight today, but honestly, I'm a little so sick to really give a flip. The Crud roared in full force last night and I'll I really wanna do is just go to sleep. Were is not for NaBloPoMo, that's exactly what I would be doing.

Right now I need a laptop, some Lysol spray,a loin clothed man-servant, and a biohazard suit.  I would hate, hate, hate for The Kid to be stricken with the pestilence.  I keep pushing him away, but then he gets this sad look on his face and tells me, "But. Mommy, you're not mean, you're nice." I can't really reason with him, he doesn't understand why he can't be close to me, and it sucks for him cause right now all he knows is that Mommy is being a meanie.

Well, this big meanie is about to go and get back on the couch.


Monday, November 8, 2010

#VSG surgery The Beast and the sty

??7.8   one pound down from my highest posted weight last week.

I think I'm getting The Crud. I've been having some throat pain, sneezing, my inner ears are itchy, I have that nasty sinus drip that makes your belly feel uneasy. UGHK. Whatever it is, I hope that it's very mild, I really don't wanna be sick right now.  In addition to that, last night I felt like I had grit in my eye, but this morning I found out what the gritty feeling was; I for sure have a sty right now, that's not a question at all.

Ok, back from my physical therapy session.

I just ate some boneless wings waaaaay too fast, and I'm gonna be paying for it probably before I even finish this blog entry. I know better, I really do, but sometimes The Beast just takes over. My stomach is uneasy, my esophagus is backed up, and it just feels all kinds of wrong. *sigh*There is a daily struggle to stay the course, do the right thing, and it's not easy. Surgery was easy. But this, this right here, it's not.

I see so many Pollyannas, so many people proclaiming "50 POUNDS GONE FOREVER!!!!!"  or " I'm NEVER gonna eat that again." I see a lot of people who think that WLS has somehow "fixed" them. The truth is, for me, and I think for most of us that the surgery just tames The Beast. Even on a short leash, you still have to handle him with kid gloves and have your wits about you at all time. Just because he hasn't pounced, it doesn't mean that he won't pounce. I know that my beast is wily and streetwise. I dropped him off in another part of town, and he was gone for a few weeks, but like that damned cat, he came back. My beast always comes back.
I don't want to come off as anti-Pollyanna, a Negative Nelly, or anything like that because Lord knows I've done my share of wishing and hoping. I've said before that I signed up for the Magic VSG, I just got stuck with this one. And since my VSG isn't magic, I'm trying and hoping to make the best of the one I've got.


Sunday, November 7, 2010

VSG surgery Staples and death


I'm sitting here choking down this cup of water, making faces like it's cheap vodka. UGHK! As much as it pains me to get it down, I know that staying hydrated is a big part of the formula for my success. Your mileage may vary.

I think that PT and The Kid are in a conspiracy to take my life.
pushing up daisies.
kicking the bucket.

I happened to look on the bottom of my flip flop, and embedded there in the sole, just millimeters away from the network of veins and arteries ushering life giving blood around my body, was a bunch of STAPLES!!!! There, neatly in a row, these lethal slivers of metal, were ready to take me out. Were it not for the flip flop foiling their damnable plans, Waning Woman would be a wrap.
I'm telling you guys, if I come up missing, launch a full scale investigation and don't let them say that it was the koalakeys.
 PT has a background in body disposal, bomb dispersion, knife sharpening, the CIA, kidnapped person retrieval, rooster fighting, pizza eating, biological weapons design, AND he has a metal plate in his head. As for The Kid, don't put anything past a 3 y.o. ......Period.

Back to staples, it annoys me to no end to hear the Gastric Sleeve referred to as stomach stapling. There are staples used in the procedure, but they are simply used to close off the leftover stomach. Instead of using sutures, a slower and less reliable way of closure, they use staples. This is what wikipedia says.
Stapling is much faster than suturing by hand, and also more accurate and consistent. In bowel and lung surgery, staples are primarily used because staple lines are less likely to leak blood, air or bowel contents.
There is an enormous difference between the Gastric Sleeve and stomach stapling , an archaic, rare procedure that is hardly ever done anymore.
stomach stapling
gastric sleeve

 Well, now I can get down from my soapbox and go chug down another glass of water. UGHK!


Saturday, November 6, 2010

VSG surgery Cake and dreams


Distraction??? Um yeah, totally.
Full steam ahead yall! My mind is set, snacks and candy are out of the house, I'm stocked up on my Premier Protein Shakes, I've got dinner already planned, I'm motivated! With the holiday season is squarely upon us, I'm hoping that I can ride this wave of enthusiasm all the way to Holidayweightloss Island. I wanna keep my eye on the prize all the time, but its even more important now that there are SO many distractions along the way.

My dreams last night were chock full of death, dismemberment, violence (thanks to watching The Crazies on Netflix) and CAAAAAAAAKE. Several friends made cameo appearances in this bedtime blockbuster and the story was everywhere, but I'll try to sum it up as concisely as possible.

Zombie. friends. zombie tries to attack me. zombie dead. friend mad cause zombie was her friend. I run away. I end up at a wedding. Groom is zombie and attacking and killing everybody with a Tonka trunk. Wedding canceled. Cake Dude gives me a sample of cake. It's slap-ya-mama-run-tell-dat-homeboy-good. OMG!!!! Cake Dude starts crying because nobody will eat his masterpiece. CAKE FOR SALE!!!!!! I have no cash so I run to the car and find a few dollars. Heavenly, heavenly, confectionery delight for 7 bucks and an 8 dollar IOU.

I'm shaking my head just thinking about how good the cake was in my dream. The sensory experience of that dream was so vivid, that I woke up in a panic. The sample that Cake Dude gave me was just a sliver, an eenie weenie bit, but that minuscule amount of cake sent me into sensory overload. The panic came in because I bought an entire 3 tiered cake of sensory overload. That's scary! That's the gastronomic equivalent of like 100 lbs of coke! Waning Woman would be an urban legend-the lady who overdosed on cake, now believes that she is a cake and is now in a mental institution afraid that people are going to eat her. *shuddering*  I think that the cake part of the dream is waaaaay scarier than the Tonka wielding zombie groom.


Friday, November 5, 2010

VSG surgery Veggies and meat


mashed cauliflower and kebab meat for PT
I've done really well with my water and food so far today and I'm super crunk about the rest of the day. I'm so freaking motivated yall!!!!! I talked to one of my good friends-and sleeve buddy- last night and he certainly helped put the fire under my ass.

For breakfast I guzzled down a Premier Protein Shake, and for lunch I just had a little less than a half a cup of smashed cauliflower. While it wasn't protein, I surely cannot find anything wrong with having vegetables for lunch. Well, if you're a velociraptor there might be a problem, but luckily this aint the Cretaceous and I'm not a carnivorous dinosaur.
I will get to indulge my carnophilia tonight with a meal of braised beef short ribs...mmmmmm....mmmmmm.mmmmmmmmmm. My eyes are rolling around in my head and my mouth is slightly ajar, delirious with the anticipatory excitement of such a delightfully, decadent, dish. It's everything that a good beef dish should be-deep, rich, hearty, moist, tender, and on the bone. *le sigh*

Well, I'm finna get on up cause these ribs certainly won't cook themselves

Oh yeah, hey new follower. :D.
If you've been lurking around, go ahead and join the crew. You know you wanna do it.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

VSG surgery Water and blogging

no weight

I've been slacking on my water intake for real. I don't know what's the cause of it, but all I know is that I have developed a distaste for water. The only water that I will drink without grimacing is the Route 44 cup of water from Sonic, but I can't go to Sonic without a car. I did call to see if they would deliver, but they just hung up in my face. Oh well. I know that I need to stay hydrated because I do lose weight really well when I stay on top of it, and as much as I don't like it, it is REALLY good for me.

Chrissy over at Losing It in So Many ways, who is extremely entertaining btw, is participating in  NaBloPoMo and it got me amped up to do the same thing. So now that I've committed to making a blog post every single day for the rest of the month, that means I actually have to do it. Yikes! I'm up for the challenge though, but I hope that my mouth didn't just write a check that my ass can't cash. I'm excited and petrified all at the same time. Honestly though, my biggest fear is that I will bore you guys to tears and I've heard of some marriages falling apart for way less. I don't want any of yall jumping ship on me, so we all need to go to participate in a big polygamous/polyandrous/hetereo/homo/bi wedding so that I can have commitment from you guys to stick in there with me. Oh yeah, Kim you're totally making the cake so be ready. Anyway, don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever leave me. Don't make me go all Glen Close. You have been warned.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

VSG surgery Warriors and war paint


I miss my old old stomach.  I don't mean the part that they plucked out of a dime sized hole and put into the biohazard bin. I mean the stomach that I had before I became a mom.
Separated muscles and stretch marks have replaced what was once a smooth, even landscape. Even the tongue of Romance cannot make separated muscles and stretch marks sound better.  Rectus diastasis and striae-say it 5 times fast.

These rivulets, these areas where my skin said " ENOUGH!", are not a mom-ument to the love that I have for my son. I don't need this proof, visual and tactile, that my body nurtured and bore another life into being; he is proof enough of that.
I don't have the courage to bear my stretchmarks like some warrior mother, brave and strong. I want to be on the front lines, assured, confident, war paint the only armor I need to fend the blows of the unrelenting attack of the opposing army. I want to give a swift kick and a swifter "FU!!!" to the second lieutenant of Perfection
Instead,of war paint, I want body paint to cover up all of this....this.....this.....

Because my belly is no longer covered with a mask of insulating fat and I'm closer and closer to where I want to be, the reality that it won't be how it used to be is staring me in the face.

This new stomach beats my old stomach, but I really want my old, old stomach.


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

VSG surgery NSV's and koalakeys

No weight today

 Today fall roared in like a lion and I was more than happy to pull out this comfy gray sweater out of the closet and put it on for the day. I bought it months ago when Lane Bryant was having a huge sale when even the sale stuff was 40% off.
I tried it on today and it's too big.
With it being a sweater I can get away with it being a few sizes too big so all's not lost. The thing is, that during the summer, I never thought I would be the size that I am now, but I am. I'm the size that I am and I'm still losing weight. I knew I'd lose weight, I just don't know if ever really thought that it would be this much or so soon......hmmmmmmm......... I was even able to wear this leather jacket that I haven't worn in 5 years and let me tell you that was a really good feeling.

I think I ate too much today though. No let me rephrase that, I did eat too much today. Yesterday I did well staying away from the candy , but today that monkey jumped on my damn back and held on like a koala. It was a koalakey!!!!
Despite it's cute sounding name, the elusive koalakey is a formidable predator. While juvenile koalakeys are actually docile enough to be made into koala keys, adult koalakeys are ferocious, feral beasts with little regard for any life forms around them. In the recent weeks, there have been several substantiated reports of koalakey attacks, one deadly. These attacks tend to start around October 31 and peak during November and December.
koalakey victim
Will Power, of Dallas, TX was standing in front of McDonald's when the first koalakey attack happened. Subsequent attacks happened at Love at First Bite Bakery while simply picking up an order, and the Indian food buffet while he was just changing the sterno ( he works there). On November 1, while pushing a cart of vegetables to his car at the local big box retailer, he vanished into thin air and was reported missing by his wife, Temperance. He was later found decapitated, upright on the couch at home,  surrounded by a 3 foot high wall of candy wrappers. Ouch.
So "hide ya kids, hide ya wife, and hide ya husbands" cause the koalakeys are attackin' errbody out here.
Be safe during koalakey breeding season, yall.


Sunday, October 31, 2010

VSG surgery Reflection and gratitude


I'm not sure how that happened, but I am at a new middle number. I wasn't expecting that at all and I weighed myself at least 5 times to make sure. Lol. But, I did it before the end of the month like I wanted to.

I don't even know how to articulate my feelings about this milestone. I'm not yet the same size I was when I met PT, but I'm now the woman that he married. Knowing that makes me smile. It makes me smile because right now at this moment, I'd marry him all over again.
We're both a little crazy, and I want to murdalize him every other Tuesday ( isn't that what all marriages are about?), but he loves me just the way I am. He never, ever dogged me or made me feel bad about my weight and no matter what, he told me that I was beautiful. He still tells me the same thing today.
I'm Its not a shout from the rooftops type moment, but I feel like its a time for reflection and gratitude.


Thursday, October 28, 2010

VSG surgery Ten and ten

??1.0    I'm blaming it on the barium

10 things about Waning Woman that you may not know.
  1. While I don't claim to be an expert by any means, I really like opera. I don't understand anything that they're sing about, but there is something about it that just moves me.
  2. I don't like iced tea. I'd rather just drink water. I don't think its gross or anything, I just don't care for it.
  3. A few of my favorite songs are Sir Duke, Under the Bridge, When You Were Young, and 10000 Stones
  4. I used to be kinda sad because I didn't think that I loved my new dog like my old dog. Then one day she didn't come home and realized just how much I do love her. I love her differently, but just as much.
  5. When I was a kid, I saw an afterschool special or something where this kid tried a drug, fell down the stairs, and died with his backpack on. That scared me straight. I'm a drug weenie. Even if I was offered a million dollars to do half of a third of an eight of a hit of cocaine. I wouldn't do it. EVER. NOT. EVER. 
  6. One of my favorite games on the Xbox 360 is Viva Pinata. If you have a 360, you should try it.
  7. I'm deathly afraid of caterpillars, worms ( not earthworms though), and maggots. I'm shuddering while I type this right now. We had a fruit fly invasion this summer and PT happened to notice them flying out of the pantry. To make a long story short, there were all life cycles of fruit flies living in a bag of potatoes in the pantry. I didn't even see them, but just knowing that made me freak out and start crying. PT had to hold my blubbering, sobbing, scaredy cat ass and walk me past the pantry so that I could go to the bedroom while he cleaned it.
  8. I don't really like Walmart. I don't think I'm alone in this.
  9. I cheated on Ethiopian Food and I have another love. Shhh. Please don't say anything.
  10. I was gonna say that I've never been to the beach, but then I remembered, I have been to the beach. lol.  That technically counts as something that you didn't know, but it still kinda feels like cheating. Oh yeah, I will never see Paranormal Activity part one or two. I wouldn't be able to sleep for like a year.
Well thats all I got for today.


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

VSG surgery Barium and Curiosity


deep fried barium....on a stick!
I got a CT scan today because I've been having some abdominal pain since the accident. While it could just be run of the mill, lady-you're-just-hurting-cause-you-had-an-accident pain, I just wanted to be doubly sure that everything is where it needs to be and is working as God intended. I had to take barium ( which I didn't find out until I f got there) but the barium wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. It wasn't something I'd line up for at the State Fair of Texas...well, actually I take that back. Leave it up to Texans and we'll find a way to deep fry that barium up in crispy, artery clogging, palate pleasing goodness. mmm, mmmm, mmmm. Anyway, the worst part about the whole CT process was the freaking temperature of the whole freaking building.
I had two blankets, and I was still freezing. That place was walk in refrigerator cold. I seriously could have died in there and been preserved for at least a month, maybe two.

I think that the tech was getting a little annoyed with me because I kept asking questions. I wasn't doing it to undermine her or doubt her competency in any way at all, I'm just a learner. If I don't know something, I'm not content to just not know it, I HAVE to  know. When I was younger I read encyclopedias from cover to cover and if they were still making them, I'd still be reading them. Right now if it hits me, I satisfy my learning jones with a Wikipedia fix . For instance I learned that "barium" comes from barys (βαρύς), meaning "heavy". That's the same root word in "bariatrics" Just a little knowledge nugget for your cerebral satisfaction.

Its late and I gotta watch some UFC action tonight so I will


Saturday, October 23, 2010

VSG surgery Rain and run on sentences


Every time I get a new follower a fat chick somewhere loses a pound.This time, the fat chick was me.

This is one way to solve the problem.
I woke up super early this morning to do absolutely nothing. These Texas skies, ripe with anticipatory growls and deep bass threats, are menacing shades of gray and slate. Normally, days like this soothe me. The rhythmic patter of rain with the staccato crack of thunder sweep me off to a place where everything is washed away. But today, I'm not looking forward to the rain. Today, the rain is a prison guard holding me hostage in my house. I can't go anywhere today because thing 1358 on the list of craptacular things that have happened this month has happened- the damned driver's side window fell off track and its decided that it wants to live inside my door. Maybe its the change in weather and maybe my friggin window is hibernating *shaking my head*. I can't stay in this house today (I'm gonna pull out my hair, the dog's hair, The Kid's hair) so for the sake of follicular integrity, I's gon' hitchhike my way up outta here.

I must say, I am pleasantly surprised that the scale is moving the way that it is. Getting to a new second number before the month was up was my goal, but its looking like I'm gonna beat that deadline. I'm gonna beat that deadline like it was a red headed step child who stole something from me in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve and I thought she was Santa Claus coming to deliver some presents to The Kid but she was actually a burglar coming to steal all of our shit AND the Christmas ham but the burglar picked the wrong house cause she don't know me or my kah-rah-tay and after a furious flurry of my fantastic moves she's crumpled on the floor looking like that lamp from "A Christmas Story".  Fragilé!!!!

Oh yeah if you google "upset stomach after glass of moscato" my blog pops up. LOL!


Thursday, October 21, 2010

VSG surgery T-bones and fatasses


Making my way to the new middle number before the end of the month.....hopefully.

this steak actually look REALLY good
So I was in pretty bad car accident. To make a long story very short, I had a green light and was traveling through an intersection, and some impatient asshat pulled around a car that was waiting in the turning lane and pulled right in front of me. There was no time to react or anything, I just slammed into him. Everything after that was hazy. I could hear, but I couldn't really make out anything. I could see, but my brain wasn't registering. I felt like I was underwater. It was a very unreal. The car is totaled-broken windshield, motor pushed up, fluids leaking, front end completely crushed- but I'm alive.

I'm usually pretty confident and upbeat about my weight loss and my appearance, but the other day when I looked in the mirror, I saw a fat girl. No matter how I turned or angled, I still just saw a fat girl. My eff-the-chart, I'm-big-and-I'm-proud self was reduced to being  insecure, hesitant, questioning. I just wanted to go home. When I got home, it still didn't stop. All I could do was fixate on what was wrong with me.

sad breast feeding boobs
not so smooth skin
saggy bits
not so firm parts

"can you throw 'em o'er shoulder like a continental soldier?"
I didn't like how it felt, but it was almost like there was nothing I could do about it. I tired psyching myself up by telling my brain to remember the journey, where I came from, all of that jazz, but it was of no avail. I'm smaller than I've been in a long, long, long time, and I felt like a fat failure.

I guess this is all part of the process, too

Thursday, October 14, 2010

VSG surgery Reflux and questionable activities


I'm inching closer and closer to a new middle number. It would be AWESOME if I could get there by November. I'm just gonna keep doing what I've been doing and just see what happens. I do have some degree of control over the amount of weight I lose ( like staying within a certain calorie range)  but I've lost weight eating cookies and I've gained weight doing the right thing. All I can do is hope that my body wants to let go of a few lbs before next month. 3.9 to be exact. I don't really wanna leave this up to chance so I'm gonna call on the not-always-so Evil Scale Genie's magic. This particular spell requires me to make a star on the floor with unflavored protein powder ( cause that's the ONLY thing that shit is good for), stand in it while wearing my magic necklace made of broken Thomas dvd's and Premier protein shake pull tabs, swing a pair of too big pants counterclockwise around my head, stand perfectly still for 14.8 minutes, and then yell out "Come to me oh genie of the scale!" There is a 2% chance that he will show up, but if he does there is a 97% chance that he will grant me my wish. There is, however, a 3% chance that he will jump in my body and have me doing questionable things in questionable areas of town. Thangs that make you go "hhhhhmmmmmmm"

My heartburn is a non issue now that I take my meds in the morning and night, but the other night I had a regurgitating reflux episode. I was lying in bed fast asleep when the contents of my stomach just came shooting out of my nose. Luckily it didn't burn because I'm on my ppi and h2 blocker and I didn't choke or anything, but it was still something that I'd rather NOT happen. As a result, I've taken a drastic step and I've made a commitment to not have anything at all to eat or drink after 8:00. With the way that I've been working, its very hard to do. The other night I went to bed hungry because I wasn't able to get home and get something in my belly in time. Sigh. The good news is that so far it seems to be working. I went to bed and none of Sleevie's antics woke me from my sleep so as much as I don't like it, it really is for the best. Later,I might see how I do with having a bit of water closer to bedtime, but for now, I'm just gonna leave well enough alone.


Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics


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