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Thursday, March 4, 2010

Day 14 post op

1.6 from yesterday 39.2 to date.

I'm happy about the weight that I've lost and the weight that I'm still losing EVERY FREAKIN DAY, but I feel the crazies coming on. I'm bummed out, because at any point in my life before The Kid, the amount of weight that I've lost to date would have been enough. Even though I know that I can only take this one step at a time and my progress has been incredible, I'm unhappy with myself for being this big in the first place and I'm a little scared too. This is the most weight I've ever lost at any point in my life and I'm terrified that I might not make it. My engine is going sputter out and run out of gas before I can get to the finish line. I'm a mishmash of emotions and a battle is raging in my head between my rational mind and my irrational mind. I wish that I could snap my fingers and lose all the weight. I wish that this journey could be roses and rainbows everyday. I wish that I didn't have to STILL be fat even after losing close to 40 lbs. I don't know.....


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