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Saturday, July 3, 2010

VSG surgery 133 Roses and Rainbows

??7.0,  85.6 lbs lost to date

Other than the pregnant sky opening up and spawning millions upon millions of rain droplets to usher in muddy ruination on what should otherwise be a beautiful weekend, everything been really good.

Bessie is really dead. I put some new batteries into her, but instead of numerals she gave me the blank stare of her cold blue backlight. Good ole PT came home from Wally World with a new scale in hand and she works like a charm. According to Bessie part deux, I am well into my new second number. While that is definitively brag worthy, the thing that just has me buzzing with anticipatory excitement is that I am only 8 lbs away from losing every single solitary lb of weight that I gained with The Kid.

Even though I knew that it would happen...I'm not really sure that I knew it would happen. All of the weight loss journey is a lot of hope, hard work, optimism, but its always tempered with a dash of reality and little bit of doubt thrown in for good measure. I knew I'd lose the weight, didn't I? Did I really know? Hmmmmm...........While getting back to this weight milestone is my life brings me closer to my ultimate goal it also makes me realize that I was here before. And pregnancy induced or not, I gained a shit ton of weight. Not too long ago I was at the point almost 90lbs ago, that I needed surgery to help me find myself again. All of this reflecting and looking back is just very emotional and I'm not sure what those emotions are.

I went shopping yesterday I tried on a new smaller size and it fit. Not just squeezing into it, but actually fitting. A new smaller size that I can find in any store. A new (old) smaller size that I wore before I ever gained all of the weight. A new smaller size that I wore when I wasn't afraid of leaving the house. A new smaller size that I wore when I was fearless, confident, self assured. Hmph....I'm smiling right now as I think about it, but yesterday I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried.

2 comments:

  1. That is so awesome! You're making me cry....

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Bipolar Diva: I'm there w/you girl! WW you have done/and ARE doing an outstanding job!..I think if more WLS recipients did what you're doing they would be more sucessful!..It's way more than just getting the surgery!...it's the whole life-style change, your self perception, and just how you're processing the whole experience! Oh, and let's not forget...how people, especially family and friends react. It'a a mind blower!...
    Keep on keepin on,
    I got your back!
    ChitownCheryl

    ReplyDelete

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