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Tuesday, July 6, 2010

VSG surgery 137 inside out

i think i messed the days up
??7.6, up from my last recorded weight but down from the last few days, 85lbs lost to date

The Scarlet Crusade marched into town a few days ago and my weight was up an OBSCENE amount. It was so ridiculous I couldn't even bear to type it. It looks like the numbers on the scale are back around where they should be though. I'm not overly concerned about the numbers because I've been weight training like a She-Hulk these past few weeks, but I must tell you that I DO delight in seeing the numbers get smaller.

I think that most big/fat/obese/portly/whateveryouwannacallit people really aren't happy but they put on a show and give the whole song and dance about how they love themselves. I wasn't happy being fat and I don't apologize for it.
No matter how dressed up I was or how pretty my makeup was, I never felt like I had "it". Its hard to feel good about yourself when others, even if silently, are judging you by your weight. Earlier today I was reading another blogger's upbeat and trite declarations of how we should love ourselves no matter what size we are, but I could only semi-agree. It would be nice if inner beauty was all that mattered, but the reality is we live in a world where superficiality is the order of the day. I wish it weren't, but no amount of wishing or early morning, self affirming mirror talk is going to change that. We shouldn't have to straighten our hair, cover our gray,  iron out our cellulite, shave anything on our bodies, get our boobs lifted ( hell even wear bras for that matter!!!), but we do. I mean, you can opt not to follow the norms of society, but those rebels are just branded weird. I'm not saying that one side of is better than the other, I'm just saying.

For me, being the best me possible means that I do have to love myself  both inside AND out. For me, that meant a decision for weight loss surgery so that my outside could match my inside.


1 comment:

  1. Bravo girl!Couldn't have send it better. Thanks for putting it down for us. You are such an inspiration for me.

    Joan W


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