Click the links below for more info. You know you wanna do it!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

VSG surgery Pete and Repeat


My weight is up, but honestly I feel smaller. Eating a little extra, not drinking my water like I need to, and having the Scarlet Crusade march into town, and its no wonder that my weight is up. I'm super ok with it though.

I woke up this morning and had my mouth FIXED for my Premier Protein Shake. I was motivated to start the day out right, but when I realized that I left them more than 100 miles away, my elation turned into deflation. *sigh* I've told you before that
its a promise.....and its empty alright
If I don't have my protein shake to reach for first thing in the morning, I don't suddenly think to myself, " Self, why don't you scramble you up a healthy protein filled omelette or tuna salad?" Nah, that's too much like right. I'll cook in the evenings, but I just can't bring myself to do it in the mornings. Maybe if Santa doesn't find out that I think he needs a VSG and I find his activities with little people questionable if I'm good enough, I can ask Santa, and on on Christmas morning I can find motivation in my stocking instead of empty promises, broken records, cupcake wrappers, and dog hair.

Oh yeah! This list of things in my stocking, just jogged my memory. What in the oh-no-they-didn't hell is going on just a few blocks from my house??
Open air drug deals?.....nah
A sweat shop?.............nope
Midget porn studio?.......nyet
Puppy mill?............negative

wait for it
wait for it
wait for it

A motherfrucking, cot damaged,
What makes anybody in their right mind think this is ok.??? I'm telling yall that this is the work of Beelzebub himself.
In the name of all that is good, and holy, and healthy, and non panic inducing, I implore you to band together with sanctimonious, harmonious, Thelonious, pandemonious, praise and worship and rebuke the spirit of the Cupcake Demon up outta here. Yall better "re" everything up in here. Rebuke the demons, renew my strength, reactivate, reduce, reuse, recuse, readjust, reassemble, reappropriate, and recycle.

I'm out like Pete and Repeat on that damned boat.


Monday, November 22, 2010

VSG surgery Cot and Damage

??6 something

Hi guys! Things are still crazy, but there was a big enough break in the crazy that I was able to come home, spend the night, and pick up a few things (including my Premier Protein Shakes!!!) before I get back on the road again. Even with all of the crazy, there have still been some breaks in the clouds to let some good come through.

cute winter boots that ACTUALLY zip
So Sleevie Wonder has been working overtime to keep my overly stressed ass from eating too much and putting on weight. I've been eating all of the wrong foods at all of the wrong times, waking and going to sleep at odd hours, not drinking all of my water and other assorted activities that aren't conducive to weight loss. At any other point in my life,  simply being at my parents' house, much less being at my parents' house PLUS dealing with a stressful situation, would be enough for me to come home 5 lbs heavier This time though, I managed to have a waaay better outcome. I know that Sleevie isn't a miracle worker, but he sure pulled the rabbit out of the hat with this one. I'm only a few tenths up from my lowest weight.

See!!! Lookee! Those boots over there, THEY FIT ME!!!! All my life I've had a pretty hard time finding boots that zip up seeing as how I inherited T-Rex legs from my mama. T-Rex legs are hard enough to shop for, but fat T-rex legs were impossible to shop for. Impossible like Texans without  big hair, hashbrowns turning back into potatoes, me not liking CAAAAAKE!! Buying those boots was truly a slendifferiffic occasion.

I took the stairs multiple times, I went  in my mom's closet and pulled out some clothes and they FIT, went to Old Navy and bought a jacket, went to IHOP had a quarter of a pancake and two bites of omlette, got compliments left and right ( that NEVER gets old to me). Sleevie and I are getting along swimmingly.

 On the count of three say "cot damage"  like you're saying it to the last 5 pounds that are keeping you from getting to your goal. 1........2...........3..........." COT DAMAGE!!!!"  Lol, I was in the car the other day and this little kid walked by the car and was trying to day GD, but it ended up coming out more like cot damage. That's a new Waning Woman phrase. Feel free to use it, but not too freely. If you are a follower you can use it up to 5 times, but after that , I gotta charge ya. My generosity has bounds but my greed has none.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

VSG surgery Wind and sails


Though still somewhat feverish and coughing up the green, I was feeling much better today. Sleevie feels a bit off, but my acid has been really under control. My appetite is next to nothing and I've been getting by on shakes and random bits of string cheese that The Kid feels like sharing with me.I even found out that Eggface like my FB page!! All in all, it was a far better day than I'd been having.......Until I got the phone call.

The Thing of Which I Will Not Speak reared its head and is in full on assault mode. It hasn't taken its usual form, but a form more nefariously silent. I'm sick of it, I really am. I am so sick of it, that I don't cry anymore. I feel agitated and uneasy in my skin and then an uneasy stillness comes over me. I don't feel angry or sad, I just feel the troubled emptiness-the emptiness of a vacuum of emotion. *sigh*
I feel like I need to feel something, though. By feeling, I am doing. And while I cannot beat down this brick wall, isn't it better than sitting in the corner staring at it emotionlessly? If I rage and weep and gnash and wail, that's better than what I feel, right?.....right? I just don't know.

I'm on my way out of town in a few hours and  while I'll try to nablopomo, it doesn't really matter anyway since I missed Nov. 1st. I'm gonna go pack and I will


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

VSG surgery Viruses and predictive text

??5.2.    So i'm lying here on the couch pecking out a blog entry for the day on my not-so-smartphone. It's was better than my other pos phone, so I won't be complaining too much. My one huge gripe is predictive text. There are like two things already that I wanted to say but predictive text decided that it knew better than me and vetoed my choice of words. The crazy thing is that I turned it off but somehow its still mucking with fe.  Anyway, please bear with me and my formatting issues today.
 I've backed away 36 inches from death's door, so while I still feel like crap, it's way better than feeling like beaten crap, or flambed crap, or hogtied, gagged, and forced to watch Jersey Shore crap. Luckily for me, PT has pretty much given me a pass on everything but breathing.....and hacking up phlegm.      
I really thought that me and me leukocytes were cooler than that. How dare they betray me and allow this viral assault upon my body?! 
Now that I can open my eyes and sit upright, it isn't all bad as i've had a chance to check out some stuff on netflix that i've been meaning to get around to.  I've also watched more Thomas in two days than a classroom of preschoolers would watch all year. I also realized that my vents and ceiling fans are in dire need of a thorough cleaning. There ARE actually productive things that one can get done on one's back. Anyway, i'm finna go take me another shower. All of this sweating has got me smelling rather ripe, so for the sake of nostricular integrity, I will ttyl

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

#VSG surgery Sick and sicker

??9.0 WHAT?!?!?!

I'm not sure what's going on with my weight today, but honestly, I'm a little so sick to really give a flip. The Crud roared in full force last night and I'll I really wanna do is just go to sleep. Were is not for NaBloPoMo, that's exactly what I would be doing.

Right now I need a laptop, some Lysol spray,a loin clothed man-servant, and a biohazard suit.  I would hate, hate, hate for The Kid to be stricken with the pestilence.  I keep pushing him away, but then he gets this sad look on his face and tells me, "But. Mommy, you're not mean, you're nice." I can't really reason with him, he doesn't understand why he can't be close to me, and it sucks for him cause right now all he knows is that Mommy is being a meanie.

Well, this big meanie is about to go and get back on the couch.


Monday, November 8, 2010

#VSG surgery The Beast and the sty

??7.8   one pound down from my highest posted weight last week.

I think I'm getting The Crud. I've been having some throat pain, sneezing, my inner ears are itchy, I have that nasty sinus drip that makes your belly feel uneasy. UGHK. Whatever it is, I hope that it's very mild, I really don't wanna be sick right now.  In addition to that, last night I felt like I had grit in my eye, but this morning I found out what the gritty feeling was; I for sure have a sty right now, that's not a question at all.

Ok, back from my physical therapy session.

I just ate some boneless wings waaaaay too fast, and I'm gonna be paying for it probably before I even finish this blog entry. I know better, I really do, but sometimes The Beast just takes over. My stomach is uneasy, my esophagus is backed up, and it just feels all kinds of wrong. *sigh*There is a daily struggle to stay the course, do the right thing, and it's not easy. Surgery was easy. But this, this right here, it's not.

I see so many Pollyannas, so many people proclaiming "50 POUNDS GONE FOREVER!!!!!"  or " I'm NEVER gonna eat that again." I see a lot of people who think that WLS has somehow "fixed" them. The truth is, for me, and I think for most of us that the surgery just tames The Beast. Even on a short leash, you still have to handle him with kid gloves and have your wits about you at all time. Just because he hasn't pounced, it doesn't mean that he won't pounce. I know that my beast is wily and streetwise. I dropped him off in another part of town, and he was gone for a few weeks, but like that damned cat, he came back. My beast always comes back.
I don't want to come off as anti-Pollyanna, a Negative Nelly, or anything like that because Lord knows I've done my share of wishing and hoping. I've said before that I signed up for the Magic VSG, I just got stuck with this one. And since my VSG isn't magic, I'm trying and hoping to make the best of the one I've got.


Sunday, November 7, 2010

VSG surgery Staples and death


I'm sitting here choking down this cup of water, making faces like it's cheap vodka. UGHK! As much as it pains me to get it down, I know that staying hydrated is a big part of the formula for my success. Your mileage may vary.

I think that PT and The Kid are in a conspiracy to take my life.
pushing up daisies.
kicking the bucket.

I happened to look on the bottom of my flip flop, and embedded there in the sole, just millimeters away from the network of veins and arteries ushering life giving blood around my body, was a bunch of STAPLES!!!! There, neatly in a row, these lethal slivers of metal, were ready to take me out. Were it not for the flip flop foiling their damnable plans, Waning Woman would be a wrap.
I'm telling you guys, if I come up missing, launch a full scale investigation and don't let them say that it was the koalakeys.
 PT has a background in body disposal, bomb dispersion, knife sharpening, the CIA, kidnapped person retrieval, rooster fighting, pizza eating, biological weapons design, AND he has a metal plate in his head. As for The Kid, don't put anything past a 3 y.o. ......Period.

Back to staples, it annoys me to no end to hear the Gastric Sleeve referred to as stomach stapling. There are staples used in the procedure, but they are simply used to close off the leftover stomach. Instead of using sutures, a slower and less reliable way of closure, they use staples. This is what wikipedia says.
Stapling is much faster than suturing by hand, and also more accurate and consistent. In bowel and lung surgery, staples are primarily used because staple lines are less likely to leak blood, air or bowel contents.
There is an enormous difference between the Gastric Sleeve and stomach stapling , an archaic, rare procedure that is hardly ever done anymore.
stomach stapling
gastric sleeve

 Well, now I can get down from my soapbox and go chug down another glass of water. UGHK!


Saturday, November 6, 2010

VSG surgery Cake and dreams


Distraction??? Um yeah, totally.
Full steam ahead yall! My mind is set, snacks and candy are out of the house, I'm stocked up on my Premier Protein Shakes, I've got dinner already planned, I'm motivated! With the holiday season is squarely upon us, I'm hoping that I can ride this wave of enthusiasm all the way to Holidayweightloss Island. I wanna keep my eye on the prize all the time, but its even more important now that there are SO many distractions along the way.

My dreams last night were chock full of death, dismemberment, violence (thanks to watching The Crazies on Netflix) and CAAAAAAAAKE. Several friends made cameo appearances in this bedtime blockbuster and the story was everywhere, but I'll try to sum it up as concisely as possible.

Zombie. friends. zombie tries to attack me. zombie dead. friend mad cause zombie was her friend. I run away. I end up at a wedding. Groom is zombie and attacking and killing everybody with a Tonka trunk. Wedding canceled. Cake Dude gives me a sample of cake. It's slap-ya-mama-run-tell-dat-homeboy-good. OMG!!!! Cake Dude starts crying because nobody will eat his masterpiece. CAKE FOR SALE!!!!!! I have no cash so I run to the car and find a few dollars. Heavenly, heavenly, confectionery delight for 7 bucks and an 8 dollar IOU.

I'm shaking my head just thinking about how good the cake was in my dream. The sensory experience of that dream was so vivid, that I woke up in a panic. The sample that Cake Dude gave me was just a sliver, an eenie weenie bit, but that minuscule amount of cake sent me into sensory overload. The panic came in because I bought an entire 3 tiered cake of sensory overload. That's scary! That's the gastronomic equivalent of like 100 lbs of coke! Waning Woman would be an urban legend-the lady who overdosed on cake, now believes that she is a cake and is now in a mental institution afraid that people are going to eat her. *shuddering*  I think that the cake part of the dream is waaaaay scarier than the Tonka wielding zombie groom.


Friday, November 5, 2010

VSG surgery Veggies and meat


mashed cauliflower and kebab meat for PT
I've done really well with my water and food so far today and I'm super crunk about the rest of the day. I'm so freaking motivated yall!!!!! I talked to one of my good friends-and sleeve buddy- last night and he certainly helped put the fire under my ass.

For breakfast I guzzled down a Premier Protein Shake, and for lunch I just had a little less than a half a cup of smashed cauliflower. While it wasn't protein, I surely cannot find anything wrong with having vegetables for lunch. Well, if you're a velociraptor there might be a problem, but luckily this aint the Cretaceous and I'm not a carnivorous dinosaur.
I will get to indulge my carnophilia tonight with a meal of braised beef short ribs...mmmmmm....mmmmmm.mmmmmmmmmm. My eyes are rolling around in my head and my mouth is slightly ajar, delirious with the anticipatory excitement of such a delightfully, decadent, dish. It's everything that a good beef dish should be-deep, rich, hearty, moist, tender, and on the bone. *le sigh*

Well, I'm finna get on up cause these ribs certainly won't cook themselves

Oh yeah, hey new follower. :D.
If you've been lurking around, go ahead and join the crew. You know you wanna do it.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

VSG surgery Water and blogging

no weight

I've been slacking on my water intake for real. I don't know what's the cause of it, but all I know is that I have developed a distaste for water. The only water that I will drink without grimacing is the Route 44 cup of water from Sonic, but I can't go to Sonic without a car. I did call to see if they would deliver, but they just hung up in my face. Oh well. I know that I need to stay hydrated because I do lose weight really well when I stay on top of it, and as much as I don't like it, it is REALLY good for me.

Chrissy over at Losing It in So Many ways, who is extremely entertaining btw, is participating in  NaBloPoMo and it got me amped up to do the same thing. So now that I've committed to making a blog post every single day for the rest of the month, that means I actually have to do it. Yikes! I'm up for the challenge though, but I hope that my mouth didn't just write a check that my ass can't cash. I'm excited and petrified all at the same time. Honestly though, my biggest fear is that I will bore you guys to tears and I've heard of some marriages falling apart for way less. I don't want any of yall jumping ship on me, so we all need to go to participate in a big polygamous/polyandrous/hetereo/homo/bi wedding so that I can have commitment from you guys to stick in there with me. Oh yeah, Kim you're totally making the cake so be ready. Anyway, don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever leave me. Don't make me go all Glen Close. You have been warned.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

VSG surgery Warriors and war paint


I miss my old old stomach.  I don't mean the part that they plucked out of a dime sized hole and put into the biohazard bin. I mean the stomach that I had before I became a mom.
Separated muscles and stretch marks have replaced what was once a smooth, even landscape. Even the tongue of Romance cannot make separated muscles and stretch marks sound better.  Rectus diastasis and striae-say it 5 times fast.

These rivulets, these areas where my skin said " ENOUGH!", are not a mom-ument to the love that I have for my son. I don't need this proof, visual and tactile, that my body nurtured and bore another life into being; he is proof enough of that.
I don't have the courage to bear my stretchmarks like some warrior mother, brave and strong. I want to be on the front lines, assured, confident, war paint the only armor I need to fend the blows of the unrelenting attack of the opposing army. I want to give a swift kick and a swifter "FU!!!" to the second lieutenant of Perfection
Instead,of war paint, I want body paint to cover up all of this....this.....this.....

Because my belly is no longer covered with a mask of insulating fat and I'm closer and closer to where I want to be, the reality that it won't be how it used to be is staring me in the face.

This new stomach beats my old stomach, but I really want my old, old stomach.


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

VSG surgery NSV's and koalakeys

No weight today

 Today fall roared in like a lion and I was more than happy to pull out this comfy gray sweater out of the closet and put it on for the day. I bought it months ago when Lane Bryant was having a huge sale when even the sale stuff was 40% off.
I tried it on today and it's too big.
With it being a sweater I can get away with it being a few sizes too big so all's not lost. The thing is, that during the summer, I never thought I would be the size that I am now, but I am. I'm the size that I am and I'm still losing weight. I knew I'd lose weight, I just don't know if ever really thought that it would be this much or so soon......hmmmmmmm......... I was even able to wear this leather jacket that I haven't worn in 5 years and let me tell you that was a really good feeling.

I think I ate too much today though. No let me rephrase that, I did eat too much today. Yesterday I did well staying away from the candy , but today that monkey jumped on my damn back and held on like a koala. It was a koalakey!!!!
Despite it's cute sounding name, the elusive koalakey is a formidable predator. While juvenile koalakeys are actually docile enough to be made into koala keys, adult koalakeys are ferocious, feral beasts with little regard for any life forms around them. In the recent weeks, there have been several substantiated reports of koalakey attacks, one deadly. These attacks tend to start around October 31 and peak during November and December.
koalakey victim
Will Power, of Dallas, TX was standing in front of McDonald's when the first koalakey attack happened. Subsequent attacks happened at Love at First Bite Bakery while simply picking up an order, and the Indian food buffet while he was just changing the sterno ( he works there). On November 1, while pushing a cart of vegetables to his car at the local big box retailer, he vanished into thin air and was reported missing by his wife, Temperance. He was later found decapitated, upright on the couch at home,  surrounded by a 3 foot high wall of candy wrappers. Ouch.
So "hide ya kids, hide ya wife, and hide ya husbands" cause the koalakeys are attackin' errbody out here.
Be safe during koalakey breeding season, yall.


Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics


Search This Blog

Subscribe via email

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner