I was so relieved when I set foot on the scale and it went back into my comfortable territory. I hopped on Bessie part deux 3 times just to make sure that my eyes weren't deceiving me. The third time was actually 4/10ths lower, but I said, eh what the hell and took the bigger number.

There's a lot of stuff going on with me and I just don't know where to start. I found out during the course of my therapy and treatment for the accident that I have a herniated disk. The doc thinks that with tlc and proper treatment it is something that might resolve itself, but...... I just don't know. I feel like I'm too young to have a bad back. That's an ailment that instantly ages you like 15 years. *sigh* I still have neck pain, headaches, sometimes my ankle goes all wonky, but the herniated disk diagnosis feels like one more nail in the rapidly closing coffin of my youth.
Sometimes I wish that I could wake up in my old body just so that I can really see how far I've come. It seems like my old body was something that happened to somebody else, like its not me. It seems so far removed, but I still remember.
I remember not being able to wash dishes for more than 5 minutes at a time because my back would be groaning for relief.
I remember standing in my closet looking at clothes that wouldn't fit, trying to find something, anything, that I could wear.
I remember not wanting to go anywhere because of whispers, and stares, and " Oh my God she's gotten so big" comments.
I remember these things, but I wish that just for one moment, I could feel them. If I could feel them, then I could do more than remember, I could really, truly appreciate this journey. I'm not saying that I don't, I'm just saying........
ttyl