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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

VSG surgery Fat and feelings

??3.0 down 2.6 lbs from yesterday

I was so relieved when I set foot on the scale and it went back into my comfortable territory. I hopped on Bessie part deux 3 times just to make sure that my eyes weren't deceiving me. The third time was actually 4/10ths lower, but I said, eh what the hell and took the bigger number.

I was doing ok on the water last week, but not having protein shakes this week has really made a difference in my hydration levels. I have two shakes a day at 22 ozs and if I'm not drinking them, that pretty much means I'm in the red. For the past few days I've been waking up with a dry nose and mouth and it's very unpleasant. With shakes on hand, hopefully I can get back into my routine and stay on top of errthang. I bought a trio of nifty reusable water cups so I can hopefully psych myself into thinking the water that flows from my fridge is something a little more eleganté than what it is. Nothing classes up the joint like lids and straws!

There's a lot of stuff going on with me and I just don't know where to start. I found out during the course of my therapy and treatment for the accident that I have a herniated disk. The doc thinks that with tlc and proper treatment it is something that might resolve itself, but...... I just don't know. I feel like I'm too young to have a bad back. That's an ailment that instantly ages you like 15 years. *sigh* I still have neck pain, headaches, sometimes my ankle goes all wonky, but the herniated disk diagnosis feels like one more nail in the rapidly closing coffin of my youth.

Sometimes I wish that I could wake up in my old body just so that I can really see how far I've come. It seems like my old body was something that happened to somebody else, like its not me. It seems so far removed, but I still remember.
I remember not being able to wash dishes for more than 5 minutes at a time because my back would be groaning for relief.
I remember standing in my closet looking at clothes that wouldn't fit, trying to find something, anything, that I could wear.
I remember not wanting to go anywhere because of whispers, and stares, and " Oh my God she's gotten so big" comments.
I remember these things, but I wish that just for one moment, I could feel them. If I could feel them, then I could do more than remember, I could really, truly appreciate this journey. I'm not saying that I don't, I'm just saying........

ttyl

11 comments:

  1. You have been missed and it's because of posts like this. I'll be praying for you to feel better. I can really relate to how you feel, if that helps at all. Love you much!

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  2. Our youth begins declining the day we are born. True these ailments make us feel that more keenly and I cant say I have dealt well with being over 45. I have a MUCH younger bf and contrary to what people think, I wish he was older because I worry about his leaving me when he realizes that there ARE younger sexy genius women out there.But I cant live life from the sidelines and I cant stop time. I can only live it the best and fullest I can.

    Even when you DO age, youre going to ageless, sexy and full of life, I promise you. When Im dead and gone you will be saying "She said it, and now I know its true" >hugs<

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  3. i say calculate how much you have lost, put that wieght into a backpack and carrying it around for a half hour to remember how that felt :) kinda close...

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  4. I remember being in the restroom one day brushing my teeth and suddently going to the floor. First time ever, Diagnosis, Back spasms. only muscle relaxers and pain killers got me through those next three days. I remember thinking to myself, why am I having back pains. Does this mean i'm getting old now? Maybe its the Ass that that lil back is supporting. Who knows. All I know is that you have "DONE THE DOGONE THANG!!!" So you just keep on doing what your doing and everything is going to be allright. As you support, you have others ready to do whatever to support you as well!

    ME

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  5. i really like this post - how have you been dealing with emotions since your surgery? i have been having a lot of issues with emotions lately... they just keep bubbling up and i'm having a hard time dealing with them, however i am faking it very well!

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  6. Thanks for commenting guys. This is one of those posts where I really needed it.

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  7. I wish I had a "like" box next to all of your comments :)

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  8. WW, I can hear you. I've been slowly losing weight to prep for my Sleeve surgery (Jan. 10, 2011, the day I step on the path to lose the extra self I've built up over the past 20 years). I'm down about 16 pounds from where I started, and my emotions have been running rampant the last few months. I'm way more sensitive than I used to be. I have back problems from an injury I received in Desert Storm. Now, at 41, I'm ready on every level to do what I have to do to lose this weight. Your blog and the Sleeve support group on FB has helped me prep myself for the road ahead. Thank you and have a wonderful new year!

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  9. I wish you only the best.
    --Heather

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  10. I need to drink more water too, I'll have to go get me one of those handy dandy cups you got there. Hang in there! Back pain is so tough, but you'll get through it!

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  11. Hi sweetie. I totally feel you about the herniated disc. I have 6 :( 3 in my thoracic spine and 3 in my lumbar. Except I was never in an accident! I have degenerative disc disease (DDD) which I inherited from my mom, so the discs degenerate on their own and eventually herniate. I totally feel aged 20-30 years. I keep hoping I'll feel better but I've lost almost 100 lbs and still feel the same in that respect - not saying it to scare you as yours is totally different. Being from an accident it will most likely heal. Mine unfortunately will not because they will keep degrading as I age. It sucks! Just want you to know I completely sympathize and if you want to know more about different treatments or anything just get in touch with me! :)

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