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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

VSG surgery 158 super, duper, extra short blog entry

There was a big swoosh on the scale and according to Bessie part deux, I've broken 90 lbs.
91.4 to be exact.
That is blogworthy news, so I couldn't go to bed without telling you guys, but I wanna wait for tomorrow before I get too excited. I don't want to get too worked up about something that could just be a fluke, but more than that, I. Am. Just. Plain. Tired.

I just got in from an exhausting day with my mother and I have to wake up at 5 something to be an an appointment at 6:30. Its gonna be another long day tomorrow. Hopefully I can manage to squeeze in some time to blog tomorrow.

So off the subject, but The Kid just brought me a dead lizard in here. UGH!! Well, at least he's not scared of those things. Anyway, off to bed yall.

ttyl

Monday, July 26, 2010

VSG surgery 157 Z cavaricci?!

??5.2...............88.8 to date

I bought some skinny jeans the other day and they are SKIIIIIIIII-ny. These babies are so skinny that there isn't any room for a zipper. Really? A zipper? That's serious bidniss right there. If I can get my cell phone, crap T mobile, and blogger to simultaneously work, I'll upload a picture of them. I'm telling you, these jeans take me back like big hair with aquanetted bangs, neon colors, and Ninja Turtles. I didn't even know that Z. Cavaricci still existed until the other day when I bought my skinny jeans.

Though its raining out, I gotta make it a point to go to the gym today. Last week I was really busy and I let working out kinda fall to the back burner. Its a great way to start out the week set the tone for Tuesday-Sunday. My workout buddy has all but quit on me, but I have Addie, Sleevie, and my steadily diminishing celly jelly to keep me motivated.

Last night, Sleevie felt off. It wasn't nausea, acid, or any other easily classified discomfort. Maybe I drank my water a little too soon after eating dinner last night, but whatever it was passed in about an hour or so. At lunch today, I really couldn't eat much and in fact I really didn't feel like eating at all. Today is going to be a total two-bite day.  If it were up to me, I'd just as soon have a route 44 water for dinner. I'm sure that the others in the house would object to such an austere dinner menu, so I'll have to prepare something for those losers with a normal anatomy. Well, I'm off to run some errands with mi madre.

ttyl

Sunday, July 25, 2010

VSG surgery 157 the shirt is not a lie

a little lower than yesterday.

When I was fat nobody ever wanted me to say that I was fat. "Oh you're not fat, that's just baby weight." or "You're not fat, you're just big." or "You're not fat, you just gained weight." They would say ANYTHING other than the dreaded ""F" word. I think that people who love you don't want to say that you're fat, because fat isn't just a descriptive term the same way that tall, or short, or brunette is. Its a word charged with so many other negative connotations .
Fat is lazy.
Fat is unlovable. 
Fat is unattractive.
Fat is unmotivated.
Fat is weakness.
Fat is a lot of un's.
I think that when people who love you say that you're not fat, they aren't denying your excess poundage or your girth, I think that they're saying that you're not any of the other stuff that is attached to it.
Apparently fat is pale, loves too be in front of puce colored backdrops and MUST wear the most unflattering clothes....if any at all. SMH.

Well, though Bessie part deux is being an absolute assclown, I'm still shrinking. I didn't think that I was even when those around me, parents and PT, keep insisting that I am. Today, I put on a shirt that I bought not even a month ago and its fitting a lot looser than when I bought it. I've worn the shirt quite a few times, but looking in the mirror today it really hit me in the face. I don't look any smaller to myself, but I know that I must be shrinking because clothes don't just suddenly get bigger. There isn't a magic clothes fairy that goes into my closet and lets out the seams on all of my garments. Well there is one, but that tramp doesn't work for free. My ass can't spare any extra money for a wee, winged creature to flitter about my closet messing up stuff. The evil scale genie  knows an incantation to conjure up one of these little closet nymphs and for the low cost of 299.99 I can send you the evil scale genie and if you act now, all of his chicanery is FREE, that's right FREE if you only pay shipping and handling.
Well, I'm gonna ship my butt into this kitchen so that I can handle all of these dishes from the big meal that I cooked.

ttyl

Saturday, July 24, 2010

VSG surgery 156 Parental Advisory, Explicit Language

pretty much the same weight as it has been

I've had a pretty crappy week. There were a lot of crappy incidents this past week, but one really took the air out of my sails. I found out that someone really close to me who was one of my biggest cheerleaders when I was going to get surgery has been behind my back Tearing. Me. Down. Its really just a hurtful, hurtful situation-a complete "et tu, brute?' type of situation. I've never done anything to this person and they are attacking me like I stole something from them. Its a fucking shame......yeah, it really is. I really wanna hire Mel Gibson to handle this bitchassness for me.

Transmission is dead, washing machine is dying, the dog needs shots, my Aunt ( and volleyball coach) fell and broke her arm, we had to forfeit our last game, and a few other things are going on as I speak, but I don't even want to type them out. I know that it will get better. Its just really heavy right now.

Today I'm really happy to be with PT and The Kid, two people who will always love me.

My parents are still here and will be here another week to take of the other thing that is sucking up my energy, so I'm letting you know now what's going on with me and why my posts ( have been and) may be more sporadic than usual. Doesn't mean I don't love you guys : )

I'm grateful for PT and The Kid, my wonderfully loving parents, and you guys. The truth is, this backstabber really has nothing to do with my surgery or my successes. I'll only surround myself with people who are going to uplift and motivate me and if anyone can't fulfill those simple requirements, then I'll just excise them from my life.

ttyl

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

VSG surgery 152

??5.8 pretty much the same as yesterday
I remembered today : )

I just came back from TOPS after not going for the last few weeks and the scale over there, Topesha, says that I'm down more than 4 lbs. It was nice to finally get back to a meeting since I've been uber busy these past few weeks.

Remember how excited I was to be able to work, sweat, pull, tug, and grunt fit into this pair of prepreggo pants?

Well I'm happy to announce that pants that fit like latex a few short months ago are now ready to fall off of me. I'm less than 6lbs away from hitting my prepreggo weight and these pants are too big. When I bought these pants 4 years ago, they didn't fit like this. Now, I weigh more but my boobs are bigger and the rest of me is smaller. I am not complaining about that at all.
 Considering that, I might have to reevaluate my goal weight, and that means that I'm a lot closer than I thought. Of course the nutritionist thinks that I should weigh like 145 lbs because that's in the middle of the normal. Hello? Have you  not seen me, lady?? I can go to state fairs and 6 FLAGS and win one of those stuffed animals every single time because they underestimate my weight by at least 40 lbs. I couldn't weight 140-nothing even if I starved myself ( trust me I've tried) This is me at 185.
So yeah, I'm not going to have a "normal" BMI. There's a better chance of a plate of scattered hash browns from Waffle House unscattering, transforming back into a potato, and then jumping into the ground while doing the Charleston in front of an audience of flying swine. Yeah. Heheheheh.

ttyl

Sunday, July 18, 2010

VSG surgery 150

I'm at my lowest weight since surgery, but I think that its a fluke. Yesterday I sweated like a saran wrapped pig in a sweatlodge overly packed with big bellied, hairy men. I'm still weighing myself daily (mostly) I just haven't been posting it. The number one reason I'm not doing it is because I'm lazy and inefficient and I'm tired of calculating that mess. I can't find my weight book half the time and by the time I do find it, the number has fallen out of my head never to remembered again. There are better ways to track it than writing it in an itty bitty book that I misplace every other day, but once again, I'm lazy. N-stee-ways, the day that I lose every single pregnancy and post childbirth pound will be a day that I will not forget my weight and you can bet that I'll be doing some calculating that day.

Ok, so I really think that Dr. Destructo's ass dimple annihilator is working. My legs are looking a lot smoother and Periodic Table verified it for me. Before I used it, I tried to take some before pictures of my celly jelly, but my camera just wasn't able to get a really good before pic. I looked at the picture that I took the night before surgery, and there is a big difference in the amount of hail damage that I have on my thighs. Well, because I'm a mean spirited grinch who delights in the misfortunes and imperfections of the privileged, here are some celebrity cellulite pics for you to enjoy ( or not. Maybe you're all better people than me.)

ttyl

Friday, July 16, 2010

VSG surgery 148 tatas, chichis, boobs,

I've been busy this week with that personal family thing that's been ongoing so that's why my blog posts have been more sporadic than usual. I'm just really tired and I could go right back to sleep, but I have another busy day. I know how you guys wait with bated breath (or possibly baited breath is you've been eating minnows or worms or something) for me to blog so I just figured I'd hammer out something before the day gets too busy and runs away from me again.
I didn't wake up until 1:45 post meridian and that is only because the phone was ringing. If it weren't for that I'd still be asleep right now. I did somehow manage to squeeze in a trip to the gym yesterday. I was dog tired when I went and dogger tireder( say that 5 times fast) when I dragged myself out of there, but I'm glad that I made it. I've found that all it takes is to have a few days of not going and then that exponentially grows to the point that you're sitting at home watching Dexter on netflix and eating cake when you should really be at the gym. I'm not ready for that yet.

My boobs are shrinking again! The way that they scale is all kinds of messed up and my boob to waist ratio is going to be knocked out of balance. Having a large quantity of boobage makes your waist look smaller and I'm at the point where I look stackilicious!! I can manage to lose some and still be quite mammarific, but here's where the problem comes-now that they're shrinking, if past performance is any indicator of future performance, they're going to shrink a lot faster than the rest of me. I'm hoping that my post pregnancy/breastfeeding body is a little different and I can manage to keep one extra cup size above where i would normally be. It may not seem like it by looking at this pic, but my high-beam headlights shrink down to nothing more than the faded, washed out light of a dying dollar tree flashlight. My breasts get downright little. But maybe, just maybe, since I've had a baby and breastfed, I can keep an extra cup size. Well here's to boobs, tits, titties, cans, wah-wahs, breasts, bosoms, funbags, knockers, chesticles, mammaries, teats, bazookas, hooters, melons, rack, assets, jugs, and anything else you cool cats can think of.

ttyl

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

VSG surgery 145 What thehell is going on

????? It's up!

Remember how I said that I wasn't really trippin about my weight loss, or lack thereof, because I was "training like a she-hulk"? Well that was like a week ago, and the damn thing still isn't moving. Well, it IS moving , just not the fricking direction that it needs to be moving. So here it is a week later and I am kinda trippin. UUUUUGGGHHHH.
*head back, groaning with an eyeroll SO fierce my eye ligaments are stretching*
Can I have permission to just collapse in a puddle onto the floor and have display of frustration that includes
A) gnashing of teeth
B) a'weepin and a'wailing
C) and the frustrated toddler body arch/stiffening thing that they do?

Hmm, is that ok y'all?

While it sounds like I'm freaking out, I'm not really freaking out. Ok I am, but the part about the weight gain that's got me frustrated is that I'm out of my new second number. Its just a fraction of a pound but its enough to make me roll my eyes....HARD!

I think that my new scale, Bessie part duex, is a machine. Not a nice machine, but a machine in one of those post-apocolyptic, colorless and dirty, Terminator type scenarios. I have a sociopath for a scale and she is getting off on messing with me and she's making me think that I'm the crazy one. Sociopaths are experts at doing THAT. Nothing has been right since Bessie's untimely passing. Maybe this is some Pet Semetery type of mess that's going on in my house. Maybe I have a zombie scale in my house. Maybe the ghost of Bessie is haunting the new scale because she's pissed that I didn't treat her right while she was here. Maybe, just maybe that evil scale genie is real after all. All I know is that there has to be some otherwordly, portal to another dimension, supernatural stuff going on because there is no way that I am getting bigger. I might be crazy, but I'm rational enough to know that. Still, I don't have to like it when the scale goes up.

ttyl

Monday, July 12, 2010

VSG surgery 144

?????

I didn't really feel like blogging today because I didn't really feel like I had anything to say. There's some personal stuff on my mind and a blog isn't necessarily the best place for me to air this kind of laundry. Luckily though, I know that this feeling is just temporary because this thing that I'm feeling always passes. Its a bit uncomfortable, but give it a week it will be in the far recesses of my mind.

My parents came back into town today and I've been busy taking care of other stuff. With TOPS, volleyball, Avon, connecting with old friends, girls' nights out, going to the gym, making time for PT and sexy shoe shopping, I'm just busy ALL the time now. I was never busy 85lbs ago.


Anyway since I'm running short on things to say today, I'm gonna leave you with a video of my favorite song. It doesn't have anything to do with anything, I just like it

ttyl



Saturday, July 10, 2010

VSG surgery 142

???????????? Didn't weigh

Around 10 am sounds of the dog barking and of the phone ringing roused me from my slumber. Still straddling the line between sleep and consciousness and unable form a complete thought, I told the dog to SHUT UP! and silenced the phone. Peeved because I was unable to go back to sleep, I just laid in the bed until the fog in brain began to clear and I remembered "HOLY CRAP!!! THAT WAS THE PEOPLE I WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE MY CLOTHES TO!" I jumped up dang near nekkid trying to get the stuff together and told the poor man who was just outside a'waitin and a'sweatin that I would be right there. I've been throwing all of my too big stuff into a trash bag in the corner of my bedroom so it was pretty easy to get it all together. I gathered up some of it, but I didn't want to give it all away. Some of the stuff with tags is going into a garage sale and there are a few things that I just want to keep as a reminder of where I've come from. I took this picture this morning and i wanted to share it with you.These pants were toight (tight) before surgery and these are the capris I bought yesterday. They're tight in the waist, but still, I've come so far.

Well, I've been talking to the radiant attic guys for like 2 hours and now I have to go. Sorry so short.

ttyl

Friday, July 9, 2010

VSG surgery 141

????? Up more than a lb from yesterday

I still weigh myself all the time, but I really hate going back and looking at my other posts so that I can calculate my weight. I know that I'll update it at least once this week.

It's great to be able to wear all of these fun shoes again. Now that I don't have as much weight bearing on my knees and ankles and my lower back doesn't feel like its going to quit, I can actually wear these shoes and not feel like I'm going to break an important part of my anatomy in my lower body. Having functional joints and hinges makes life a lot more fun.

Speaking of fun and functional joints, I went out for happy hour with my girls, and it turned into happy night. We met up at a small cafe that had free food, 2 dollar apple martinis, and a live band and we danced all night long. I danced SO much that my hair was wet-total aerobic workout. There was no drama, no pushy men, no hoochie mamas, no hood chicks with gold front teeth. It was just the kinda fun that I needed.

On the 4th of July, I made a pan of macaroni to contribute to the festivities and OMG it was creamy, cheesy, slap ya mama, don't-touch-my-plate-or-you're-liable-to-get-bit, break dancing with the cherubim on cloud 15497573 9, heavenly goodness. I ate the two tiny, itty bitty, palate teasing bites before Sleevie put the freeze on the fun. I was more than a little irritated at that. I know that I shouldn't be eating the pounds of macaroni that I ate with my old 40 gallon, cast iron stomach, but really??? Two more bites wouldn't have killed me. UGH! Watching everybody else eat this delicisiocity that I slaved over (making bechamel sauce, whisking it for 10 solid minutes, adding 4 different cheese) was just the insult to injury that I needed. By the time there was room for more, it was all gone. Definitely not the best day for my relationship with the greedy people in my family Sleevie.

Well, we've got family stuff to do so I will....

ttyl

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

VSG surgery 137 inside out

i think i messed the days up
??7.6, up from my last recorded weight but down from the last few days, 85lbs lost to date

The Scarlet Crusade marched into town a few days ago and my weight was up an OBSCENE amount. It was so ridiculous I couldn't even bear to type it. It looks like the numbers on the scale are back around where they should be though. I'm not overly concerned about the numbers because I've been weight training like a She-Hulk these past few weeks, but I must tell you that I DO delight in seeing the numbers get smaller.

I think that most big/fat/obese/portly/whateveryouwannacallit people really aren't happy but they put on a show and give the whole song and dance about how they love themselves. I wasn't happy being fat and I don't apologize for it.
No matter how dressed up I was or how pretty my makeup was, I never felt like I had "it". Its hard to feel good about yourself when others, even if silently, are judging you by your weight. Earlier today I was reading another blogger's upbeat and trite declarations of how we should love ourselves no matter what size we are, but I could only semi-agree. It would be nice if inner beauty was all that mattered, but the reality is we live in a world where superficiality is the order of the day. I wish it weren't, but no amount of wishing or early morning, self affirming mirror talk is going to change that. We shouldn't have to straighten our hair, cover our gray,  iron out our cellulite, shave anything on our bodies, get our boobs lifted ( hell even wear bras for that matter!!!), but we do. I mean, you can opt not to follow the norms of society, but those rebels are just branded weird. I'm not saying that one side of is better than the other, I'm just saying.

For me, being the best me possible means that I do have to love myself  both inside AND out. For me, that meant a decision for weight loss surgery so that my outside could match my inside.

ttyl

Sunday, July 4, 2010

VSG surgery 134 Happy 4th

????????

I had a great day with my parents and other family and I couldn't end the day without talking to you guys....and I had an excuse to use this purty picture of this red, white, and blue cake.

I have to let you guys know that you are the reason for me being here. I might have blogged for a little bit, but there is no way that I would still be doing it now Your comments, your support, really mean a lot to me and I just needed to let yall know. You guys help to keep me going.  I love my Wanosphere family. If you've been lurking around leave a comment or become a follower and join the family. I hope that all of you had a happy holiday and I will.....

ttyl

Saturday, July 3, 2010

VSG surgery 133 Roses and Rainbows

??7.0,  85.6 lbs lost to date

Other than the pregnant sky opening up and spawning millions upon millions of rain droplets to usher in muddy ruination on what should otherwise be a beautiful weekend, everything been really good.

Bessie is really dead. I put some new batteries into her, but instead of numerals she gave me the blank stare of her cold blue backlight. Good ole PT came home from Wally World with a new scale in hand and she works like a charm. According to Bessie part deux, I am well into my new second number. While that is definitively brag worthy, the thing that just has me buzzing with anticipatory excitement is that I am only 8 lbs away from losing every single solitary lb of weight that I gained with The Kid.

Even though I knew that it would happen...I'm not really sure that I knew it would happen. All of the weight loss journey is a lot of hope, hard work, optimism, but its always tempered with a dash of reality and little bit of doubt thrown in for good measure. I knew I'd lose the weight, didn't I? Did I really know? Hmmmmm...........While getting back to this weight milestone is my life brings me closer to my ultimate goal it also makes me realize that I was here before. And pregnancy induced or not, I gained a shit ton of weight. Not too long ago I was at the point almost 90lbs ago, that I needed surgery to help me find myself again. All of this reflecting and looking back is just very emotional and I'm not sure what those emotions are.

I went shopping yesterday I tried on a new smaller size and it fit. Not just squeezing into it, but actually fitting. A new smaller size that I can find in any store. A new (old) smaller size that I wore before I ever gained all of the weight. A new smaller size that I wore when I wasn't afraid of leaving the house. A new smaller size that I wore when I was fearless, confident, self assured. Hmph....I'm smiling right now as I think about it, but yesterday I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried.

Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics

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