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Sunday, October 31, 2010

VSG surgery Reflection and gratitude

?7.9

I'm not sure how that happened, but I am at a new middle number. I wasn't expecting that at all and I weighed myself at least 5 times to make sure. Lol. But, I did it before the end of the month like I wanted to.

I don't even know how to articulate my feelings about this milestone. I'm not yet the same size I was when I met PT, but I'm now the woman that he married. Knowing that makes me smile. It makes me smile because right now at this moment, I'd marry him all over again.
We're both a little crazy, and I want to murdalize him every other Tuesday ( isn't that what all marriages are about?), but he loves me just the way I am. He never, ever dogged me or made me feel bad about my weight and no matter what, he told me that I was beautiful. He still tells me the same thing today.
I'm so....so...........happy(?). Its not a shout from the rooftops type moment, but I feel like its a time for reflection and gratitude.

ttyl

Thursday, October 28, 2010

VSG surgery Ten and ten

??1.0    I'm blaming it on the barium

10 things about Waning Woman that you may not know.
  1. While I don't claim to be an expert by any means, I really like opera. I don't understand anything that they're sing about, but there is something about it that just moves me.
  2. I don't like iced tea. I'd rather just drink water. I don't think its gross or anything, I just don't care for it.
  3. A few of my favorite songs are Sir Duke, Under the Bridge, When You Were Young, and 10000 Stones
  4. I used to be kinda sad because I didn't think that I loved my new dog like my old dog. Then one day she didn't come home and realized just how much I do love her. I love her differently, but just as much.
  5. When I was a kid, I saw an afterschool special or something where this kid tried a drug, fell down the stairs, and died with his backpack on. That scared me straight. I'm a drug weenie. Even if I was offered a million dollars to do half of a third of an eight of a hit of cocaine. I wouldn't do it. EVER. NOT. EVER. 
  6. One of my favorite games on the Xbox 360 is Viva Pinata. If you have a 360, you should try it.
  7. I'm deathly afraid of caterpillars, worms ( not earthworms though), and maggots. I'm shuddering while I type this right now. We had a fruit fly invasion this summer and PT happened to notice them flying out of the pantry. To make a long story short, there were all life cycles of fruit flies living in a bag of potatoes in the pantry. I didn't even see them, but just knowing that made me freak out and start crying. PT had to hold my blubbering, sobbing, scaredy cat ass and walk me past the pantry so that I could go to the bedroom while he cleaned it.
  8. I don't really like Walmart. I don't think I'm alone in this.
  9. I cheated on Ethiopian Food and I have another love. Shhh. Please don't say anything.
  10. I was gonna say that I've never been to the beach, but then I remembered, I have been to the beach. lol.  That technically counts as something that you didn't know, but it still kinda feels like cheating. Oh yeah, I will never see Paranormal Activity part one or two. I wouldn't be able to sleep for like a year.
Well thats all I got for today.

ttyl

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

VSG surgery Barium and Curiosity

??0.6.

deep fried barium....on a stick!
I got a CT scan today because I've been having some abdominal pain since the accident. While it could just be run of the mill, lady-you're-just-hurting-cause-you-had-an-accident pain, I just wanted to be doubly sure that everything is where it needs to be and is working as God intended. I had to take barium ( which I didn't find out until I f got there) but the barium wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. It wasn't something I'd line up for at the State Fair of Texas...well, actually I take that back. Leave it up to Texans and we'll find a way to deep fry that barium up in crispy, artery clogging, palate pleasing goodness. mmm, mmmm, mmmm. Anyway, the worst part about the whole CT process was the freaking temperature of the whole freaking building.
OH!
MY!
GOD!
I had two blankets, and I was still freezing. That place was walk in refrigerator cold. I seriously could have died in there and been preserved for at least a month, maybe two.

I think that the tech was getting a little annoyed with me because I kept asking questions. I wasn't doing it to undermine her or doubt her competency in any way at all, I'm just a learner. If I don't know something, I'm not content to just not know it, I HAVE to  know. When I was younger I read encyclopedias from cover to cover and if they were still making them, I'd still be reading them. Right now if it hits me, I satisfy my learning jones with a Wikipedia fix . For instance I learned that "barium" comes from barys (βαρύς), meaning "heavy". That's the same root word in "bariatrics" Just a little knowledge nugget for your cerebral satisfaction.

Its late and I gotta watch some UFC action tonight so I will

ttyl

Saturday, October 23, 2010

VSG surgery Rain and run on sentences

??0.0

Every time I get a new follower a fat chick somewhere loses a pound.This time, the fat chick was me.

This is one way to solve the problem.
I woke up super early this morning to do absolutely nothing. These Texas skies, ripe with anticipatory growls and deep bass threats, are menacing shades of gray and slate. Normally, days like this soothe me. The rhythmic patter of rain with the staccato crack of thunder sweep me off to a place where everything is washed away. But today, I'm not looking forward to the rain. Today, the rain is a prison guard holding me hostage in my house. I can't go anywhere today because thing 1358 on the list of craptacular things that have happened this month has happened- the damned driver's side window fell off track and its decided that it wants to live inside my door. Maybe its the change in weather and maybe my friggin window is hibernating *shaking my head*. I can't stay in this house today (I'm gonna pull out my hair, the dog's hair, The Kid's hair) so for the sake of follicular integrity, I's gon' hitchhike my way up outta here.

I must say, I am pleasantly surprised that the scale is moving the way that it is. Getting to a new second number before the month was up was my goal, but its looking like I'm gonna beat that deadline. I'm gonna beat that deadline like it was a red headed step child who stole something from me in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve and I thought she was Santa Claus coming to deliver some presents to The Kid but she was actually a burglar coming to steal all of our shit AND the Christmas ham but the burglar picked the wrong house cause she don't know me or my kah-rah-tay and after a furious flurry of my fantastic moves she's crumpled on the floor looking like that lamp from "A Christmas Story".  Fragilé!!!!

Oh yeah if you google "upset stomach after glass of moscato" my blog pops up. LOL!

ttyl

Thursday, October 21, 2010

VSG surgery T-bones and fatasses

??1.8

Making my way to the new middle number before the end of the month.....hopefully.


this steak actually look REALLY good
So I was in pretty bad car accident. To make a long story very short, I had a green light and was traveling through an intersection, and some impatient asshat pulled around a car that was waiting in the turning lane and pulled right in front of me. There was no time to react or anything, I just slammed into him. Everything after that was hazy. I could hear, but I couldn't really make out anything. I could see, but my brain wasn't registering. I felt like I was underwater. It was a very unreal. The car is totaled-broken windshield, motor pushed up, fluids leaking, front end completely crushed- but I'm alive.

I'm usually pretty confident and upbeat about my weight loss and my appearance, but the other day when I looked in the mirror, I saw a fat girl. No matter how I turned or angled, I still just saw a fat girl. My eff-the-chart, I'm-big-and-I'm-proud self was reduced to being  insecure, hesitant, questioning. I just wanted to go home. When I got home, it still didn't stop. All I could do was fixate on what was wrong with me.

sad breast feeding boobs
stretchmarks
not so smooth skin
saggy bits
not so firm parts

"can you throw 'em o'er shoulder like a continental soldier?"
I didn't like how it felt, but it was almost like there was nothing I could do about it. I tired psyching myself up by telling my brain to remember the journey, where I came from, all of that jazz, but it was of no avail. I'm smaller than I've been in a long, long, long time, and I felt like a fat failure.

I guess this is all part of the process, too

Thursday, October 14, 2010

VSG surgery Reflux and questionable activities

??3.8

I'm inching closer and closer to a new middle number. It would be AWESOME if I could get there by November. I'm just gonna keep doing what I've been doing and just see what happens. I do have some degree of control over the amount of weight I lose ( like staying within a certain calorie range)  but I've lost weight eating cookies and I've gained weight doing the right thing. All I can do is hope that my body wants to let go of a few lbs before next month. 3.9 to be exact. I don't really wanna leave this up to chance so I'm gonna call on the not-always-so Evil Scale Genie's magic. This particular spell requires me to make a star on the floor with unflavored protein powder ( cause that's the ONLY thing that shit is good for), stand in it while wearing my magic necklace made of broken Thomas dvd's and Premier protein shake pull tabs, swing a pair of too big pants counterclockwise around my head, stand perfectly still for 14.8 minutes, and then yell out "Come to me oh genie of the scale!" There is a 2% chance that he will show up, but if he does there is a 97% chance that he will grant me my wish. There is, however, a 3% chance that he will jump in my body and have me doing questionable things in questionable areas of town. Thangs that make you go "hhhhhmmmmmmm"

My heartburn is a non issue now that I take my meds in the morning and night, but the other night I had a regurgitating reflux episode. I was lying in bed fast asleep when the contents of my stomach just came shooting out of my nose. Luckily it didn't burn because I'm on my ppi and h2 blocker and I didn't choke or anything, but it was still something that I'd rather NOT happen. As a result, I've taken a drastic step and I've made a commitment to not have anything at all to eat or drink after 8:00. With the way that I've been working, its very hard to do. The other night I went to bed hungry because I wasn't able to get home and get something in my belly in time. Sigh. The good news is that so far it seems to be working. I went to bed and none of Sleevie's antics woke me from my sleep so as much as I don't like it, it really is for the best. Later,I might see how I do with having a bit of water closer to bedtime, but for now, I'm just gonna leave well enough alone.

ttyl

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

VSG surgery Maduros and tuition

???

Sleevie's exorbitant finishing school bill was something that I thought was worth the money. He'd learned to communicate his feelings with words instead of grumbles and burps, he'd stopped smoking cigarettes and hanging out with Addie and those other loose girls, and he even learned the difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork and now carries around the appropriate one at the appropriate time. We were getting along swimmingly! Things were so quiet around here that I actually had to peek into his bedroom and make sure that he was still home. So much for that.

Now its seems that he's regressed, so I'm in the process of putting a stop payment on the last tuition check. Ugh, he was doing so well. At school they worked on his xenophobia ( his new best friend is caublasianese) and for a while I could indulge my tastebuds with Ethiopian, Indian, Mexican, all of the good spicy stuff. Now he's back to his cantankerous self and puts up a fuss anytime something that is remotely spicy crosses my lips. I'm back to barring bbq sauce, sidelining samosas, and letting go of lega tibs. For lack of a better word, Sleevie just feels icky when I have spicy food.
While in West Texas for my Aunt's funeral, I bought a few dozen frozen tamales home for my dad. The other day, he popped them into the microwave for lunch and I had one bite and that was more than enough for me to back off.  I hope that it gets better but here are tons of incredible foods that I can eat without spice though.
maduros. mmmmm
Yesterday, I made a delicious authentic Dominican meal of carne guisada (stewed beef), moro (rice and black beans cooked together), and maduros (pan fried sweet plantain). MMMMM. It was so freaking good and it wasn't even a little picante. So, its not the end of the world.

ttyl

Friday, October 8, 2010

VSg surgery comments and weirdness

I try to always respond when yall leave comments on my posts, but for some reason, my own comments aren't showing up. Weird! I might be a little cranky, but not cranky enough to ignore you guys that are here supporting me.

thanks for being here.

VSG surgery Sunrise and sunsets

??4.0 the same as yesterday

I'm sitting here at the computer a bit peeved that I'm up so early. I feel heavy in my body so while my mind is awake (partially) the rest of my feels like it was plucked from sleep a few cycles too soon. Sigh. I just really want this day to be over with already.  I feel like I need one of those beautifully giftwrapped mornings where the sun, a lucent overripe peach with beautiful blush shades, throws its gilded rays into the clouds. The clouds answer the sun's song with a chorus of soprano pinks, alto reds and yellows, a whisper of tenor blue, a baritone gray dotted with resplendent silvery flecks. I need that morning.
Instead, my morning was a cacophony of dog barks, Thomas the Train songs, and "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" Sticky from falling asleep on the couch a-gain, groggy from being thrust abruptly from one realm of reality to another, fingertips wet with dog saliva (that's what I get for falling asleep on the couch), exhausted  from my part time gig and all I really wanna do is hit the reset button on this day. Sigh. I feel like I'm wound too tight and I've been popping and snapping on people like a rubberband. I don't regret anything that happened the other day when I quit TOPS, but had it happened on another day in another plane of existence, I might not have called her a bitch. Might.
 Take The Thing of Which I Will Not Speak  bearing down on me, driving almost 1000 miles in a few days, and sending my Aunt Ida to that great big kegger in the sky and I think that you have a recipe for Not Quite Feeling Like Yourself casserole.

 Not Quite Feeling Like Yourself casserole.
2 cups of exhaustion
3 tablespoons of tears
a dash of bitters
4ozs of forced laughter, minced
2 teaspoons of family fued
1 glass of moscato
4 tanks of gas
1 lost wallet AND keys
1/4 cup of overcooked, overdry, and overgross funeral food.

Take all of the ingredients and put them into a blender on the highest setting.
Blend until mixed.
Dump it all in a pressure cooker and just see what happens.








I'll continue this later, yall.

ttyl

VSG surgery Jeans and Woohoo!

??4.0

This is late as hell and short as hell, but I've been holding on to this picture for 10 days and I'm just now getting around to posting it. I'm wearing PT's jeans!!!  They're not skin tight either, so I get an extra point for that. And, I don't know how long this will last, but I weigh less than he does, too.  Never, ever, ever, ever in the history of our relationship have I ever weighed less than he has.
This is pretty cool, yall

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

VSG surgery TOPS and old bats

??5.0 My lowest weight to date

There have been so many things that have happened since the last time I talked to you guys and I don't even know where to start. There was the funeral, lots of stuff with The Kid, my atrocious eating, losing weight even with that atrocious eating, TOPS drama, reflux redux, and a ton of other stuff. There was so much cluttering my brain that it paralyzed me and I wasn't able to write yesterday. I wanted to, I just couldn't make it happen. So here I go trying to get my groove back.

I took off work yesterday so that I could make a TOPS meeting because I hadn't been there in damn near a month and I have some sort of demented loyalty to the group. PT came in wiped out from dealing with crazy kids at work and he went right to sleep just as I was about to leave. At that point there were three options, and leaving a three year old basically home alone just wasn't in the realm of possibility. And because I hadn't been in so long and I'd taken off work, I figured that I would just go and take him with me. I packed him up a bag full of trains and tracks and we hit the road


Shortly after I got there, he laid out his tracks just before the meeting started and he was humming one of his favorite songs. He wasn't being disruptive and he was in another part of the room, but one of those old bats shushed him and it was loud and rude as fuck. I heard it when it happened. He ran over to me, told me that he was sad and that he couldn't play with his trains. I kinda nudged him over there and told him that it was ok. 

Old bats
I'd dealt with this same thing before, and I refused to feel that way again. I stood up and I said, " I know that yall might not be used to having kids here, but he isn't bothering anyone. I would appreciate it if you would all keep in mind that he is a 3 year old and that he will not behave like a 30 year old. He is as well behaved as he is going to be and you or anyone else cannot expect him to sit there and not utter a peep at all."
The president retorted with, " Well were not supposed to have kids here at all." They went into some bullshit about the bylaws and I was like, " You know what, I'll leave." There was one member who said, " Jackie, just let her stay," but that went in one ear and out the other with nary a reply from her. I went over to the box in which I'd just placed my dues, plucked them out, and I just left. No dramatic, queeny, egress. I just left.

REALLY old bats
After I got home, I called Jackie and told her just how upset I was. Once again she went into something about bylaws AND how the national chapter doesn't allow kids AND how one lady DID have a disruptive child AND how as a group they decided that this wasn't something that they would bend on AND a shit ton of other shit that went into one of my ears and out the other. I didn't want to hear one more "AND" come out of her mouth! I told her, " First off, I took off of work to be here tonight AND I'm not worried about other people and their kids. I'm worried about how uncomfortable my child and I were made to feel. The whole group is like 60-90 so I AM the only one with a kid. The group picks and chooses which bylaws to adhere to anyway, so yall can miss me with all of that BS! Before I joined this TOPS group, there was one that I went to before The Kid was a year old and he went to every meeting with me and there was never a problem. Anyway, I'm just letting you know that I won't be coming back."  I wasn't rude, but I did let her know that I thought she was a bitch and that was that.

There are a few ladies that I will miss, but overall, I don't feel really bad about it.  My schedule is really busy, I'm losing weight whether I go to TOPS or not, and to be honest, I never really felt like part of the group.

Well this is just about long enough, so I'll have to tell you about all of the other stuff tomorrow.

ttyl

Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics

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