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Saturday, January 29, 2011

VSg surgery Pants and pants


This is the inaugural day of Sans Script Saturday.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

VSG surgery Tears and Old Wounds...the end

I have nothing to say other than click on this link. Despicable is guilty

Monday, January 24, 2011

VSG surgery Tears and Old wounds

Bessie is dead.

I was going through a green light minding my own business ( just like last time) and I was in another fucking accident in my new car. So new that we've only made one payment on it and it still has paper plates. *sigh*

I just want to vanish right now.

Here's one you won't believe. I got subpoenaed on Friday to appear in a court case tomorrow 150 miles away. Procrastination, no? Its so absurd that I'm on the verge of hysterical craughing? laughying? cr-laughing?

The case that I'm testifying in is one that is full of a lot of hurt and emotion for me. I've known Jay since we were 16 and the man ,Despicable, he was living with was supposed to be a father figure to him. It turns out that Despicable took advantage of my broken friend and made him his boyfriend. Despicable was old enough to know better and we were too young to know that it was way bigger than us.
Despicable is not just despicable because he preyed on my broken friend, because there is so much more to it than that.

Once Jay decided to try to break away from him years later, he chased him around town, embarrassed him in front of his friends by telling people that they were lovers, called the police on him, n short just made his life a living hell. Even the people in Jay's circle, including a girl with whom I'm still good friends with to this day, weren't spared Despicable's wrath. He tried to fight her, he harassed me on my phone, followed me around town, told people that I was a whore who took his man, and because he couldn't have two whores after his man, she was dubbed the jealous lesbian. I filed harassment charges on him and had to call the police on more than one occasion. It was the most unsettling time in my life.

Then Jay turned his back on us.

That hurt more than anything that Despicable could have ever done.

Years passed by and in 2007 I was reading the news and I saw Despicable in the newspaper for molesting a 16 yr old boy. I immediately called the detective on the case and told them everything that I knew about what he'd done to Jay.
On Friday I got a call from the DA telling me that I needed to come to court to testify. What!? I was a wreck and everything just came rushing back to me.But just as soon as the anger and resentment reared, it dissipated in an instant and I just needed to talk to Jay.

And so I did.

He told me that all how knew how to do was run. He was hurt and embarrassed for me and he didn't want me to be hurt because his life was a shitstorm. Then he told me that he always appreciated me for being there with him in the trenches, but there was nothing that he could say or do to ever make it ok, so he ran.

And after more than 8 years of not talking to him, I understood. It wasn't something that I could understand then, but now I know-there are some monsters that are so big that love just isn't enough.

On a slightly lighter note, my friend and I used to sing "Goodbye Earl" at karaoke but we'd sub in Despicable's name. I can actually smile about that.

There's a lot more to tell, but I've said more than enough for now. I have to go to therapy, talk to the lawyer, call my insurance, call his insurance, make arrangements to get to the trial with the DA, and lots of other stuff. If you don't hear from me for a few days, you know where I am.


Friday, January 21, 2011

VSG surgery Vanilla Premier Protein Review


OMG!!! Its Christmas all over again!!!!!
The Premier Protein peeps were kind enough to send me out a box and give me a sneak peek of the new vanilla shakes. If you've been a blog follower for a while, you know that I am a rabid fanboy and I start most of my days out with a chocolate shake, so I was kid in a candy store happy to get this opportunity.

As a rule, I'm a vanilla girl and I DO NOT LIKE CHOCOLATE SHAKES. Premier kicked that notion straight in the balls with their chocolate shake. No really, their chocolate shake picked up its leg and kicked my notion square. in. the. balls.
They have this top secret animatronic thing going on in their labs like those cookies in Despicable Me, but I'll stop now cause I've already said too much.
Anyway, I figured if they could take something that I don't really care for and make me like it, then their vanilla shakes had to be like liquid CAAAAAAKE! While nothing can live up to liquid cake BUT liquid cake, theses shakes do not disaapoint. If you like vanilla, these are the shakes for you. They have a really clean, unmuddled vanilla flavor. The flavor of the shakes triggered a twinge of recognition and it took me a few minutes to figure out what it was. Then it hit me. They taste like my mom's homemade ice cream just melted. So yeah, I do like them. I like them so much that I will occasionally cheat on Chocolate with Vanilla. Scratch that. We're just go all Utah and be on big happy family.
Oh yeah before I forget, here is a link to some really great recipes using both chocolate and vanilla shakes. Enjoy!


Thursday, January 20, 2011

VSG surgery Anniversaries and consults


Since last Friday and I've been really busy. There've been roadtrips, several doctors appointments, therapy, vaccinations for The Kid, and now I'm coming down with something. I've been nauseated and hacking up these sickening opaque, fluorescent yellow, globules of pure yuck. Too bad I had to miss our first volleyball game last night.

I wanted to blog yesterday, because yesterday was the one year anniversary of my surgery consult and the day that everything came together. I went there not sure if I was gonna have surgery and I left with a date, my optifast, and even the prescriptions that I would need after surgery. I had the goahead from the surgeon, my family's support, the financial means to make it happen, everything just happened in that one day. I remember being so stunned that it was actually going to happen that I walked around in a haze of disbelief all that day and part of the next. I can vividly recall exactly what I wore, what we did after the consult, everything. I don't even remember yesterday like that. Hmmmmm. January 19, 2010 feels like yesterday and ages ago at the same time.

Sorry this post is so anemic, but I'm feeling lousy and all I really wanna do is get back under the covers and watch some stuff I dvr-ed

Friday, January 14, 2011

VSG surgery Feedback and Ideas


Bessie gave me three different weights today a pound apart. I went ahead and used the lowest one cause it was the same as the one I had yesterday. This will be the third time that I've flirted with a new middle number in the last week and a half, so its coming to stay really soon.

I'd been debating on renewing our annual gym membership, but now that I have old person back, the decision has pretty much made itself. There is nothing wrong at all with wanting to workout to look better, but for me that's not enough motivation.
I. Am. Lazy.
I'm just like "eh...this little piece of Addie isn't gonna kill me as long as I can hide it under my clothes." Besides, cash flow is a big concern right about now.
Knowing that hauling my ass to the gym could make a difference in the quality of my life and I have a totally different motivation. I'll find a way to make it happen.

Oh yeah, I've gotten some new followers recently and I just wanted to welcome you and thank you for being here. I'm sure that I would have quit blogging a while ago if it weren't for you guys. Y'all are the gas in my tank, the wind beneath my wings, the Gail to my Oprah, the cellmate who'll hide a shank for me in a body cavity and share my commissary. I pinkie swear that I won't be stingy with the ramen noodles or the stamps.
Since we're cool enough to share commissary, I'd like to ask y'all if there is anything that you'd like to see me blog about? Do you have any questions that you'd like to ask me? My life is pretty much an open book barring that juvenile money laundering conviction ( that case is SEALED), those 4 months I spent stalking Dr. Guillermo Alvarez (we're cool now), or my hour in a hotel with "StripedCat Forests" *wink-wink* (hush money y'all). I'd love for y'all to leave comments today so I can get your feedback.

Well, I'm gonna sit here scratching my head trying to figure out where all this hush money went ( yeah, I should be able to buy a gym membership) so until I can come up with something.....


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

VSG surgery Walking and Boots


Remember yesterday when I was ranting about hooker boots? Weeeell, I went out yesterday and managed to cop me a pair of them. They run true to size, but in order to get them over my big ass legs, I had to go to drag queen size a size up. These aren't just hooker boots, but hooker/superhero/villainess/pirate boots. When is the last time that you owned a pair of boots with that many slashes? Top that!
Losing weight has been great for expanding my wardrobe options, but its been far greater for my life. You don't really have much of a life when your back hurts, and your feet ache, and your knees are crying for relief. When you're severely overweight, you don't just want to be able to walk in boots for an hour without pain, you just want to be able to WALK for an hour without pain.
I can walk.
I can stroll.
I can strut.
I can march.
I can swish my hips and sashay AAAALLLL over this

Yes, I can...I can walk.


Monday, January 10, 2011

VSG surgery Bras and properties


Right now I'm sitting her drinking my Premier protein shake sitting in a house that's a bit too cold for my liking. I could put on some pants, but then if I did that I'd be missing on out the one great thing about hammering out a blog post from the privacy of my own home-being in whatever state of nakedness I like! Naked blogging for the win!

Well, I was gonna tell you guys that I hadn't pooped in daaaays, but shortly after I typed " Naked blogging for the win!" the call of doody duty was heralded in by a twinge in my booty. I wasn't constipated, I guess its just what my body wanted to do. Whew. I was starting to get a little bit worried.

I've had a few people ask me if my boobs are done.  Um, no honey! That requires money, lettuce, green, benjamins and we still have a car in the driveway that has pneumonia of the transmission. I am not opposed to getting my boobs done so if there are any generous benefactors out there keep that in mind. I also like linzer cookies, gift cards to Le Madeleine, CAAAAAAKE, custom made wigs crafted of hair snatched from the scalps of 5 year old Indonesian boys( move over Beyonce), hooker boots ( move over more Beyonce), and Yeti fur vests ( to the left, bitch!!!). This is list is NOT exhaustive. I digress, back to boobs.

My boobs kinda suck. Post pregnancy PLUS post breastfeeding PLUS post wls and you have a pair of boobs that are way past their prime. I have what I have deemed liquiboobs. They just kinda go where they want. One of the properties of a liquid, taken from Waning Woman's book of pseudoscientifical knowledge, is that it will always seek out the lowest point in a container. That sucks. That means that without a bra or other suitable boob holster, they will pretty much look like this.( upper left corner)
The look of terror on dude's face is from being attacked by a green, disembodied, water balloon, titty.

Another property of a liquid is that it has a definite volume but no definite shape and will take the shape of whatever container its in. That's actually really good news! It means that you can take your boobs to places they've never been before. You can coax them into cones, squeeze them into squares, try them as triangles, do em up as dodecahedrons.  A pert maiden boob with its nose in the air arrogantly defying gravity CAN'T DO THAT!!! Should your heart so desire, you could pour your liquiboobs into an ice tray and freeze them! The possibilities are only as limited as your imagination, people.

Well, imagine me whipping up a pot of homemade chicken and dumplings cause that's just what I am about to do. Besides, this post is turning into a novella, so I will have to bring the madness another day. Don't go anywhere y'all :)


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

VSG surgery Progress and Resolutions

??0.8 I actually was down to a new middle number yesterday. So, even though its up today, I don't really care :D

This is gonna be a short post because I have a lot of phone calls to make.

Before surgery, I thought that I'd lose massive amounts of weight every single week. I see that's not true, but its really fine with me. Even though the scale is crawling along at the speed of a half dead escargot, I'm making progress!
I would have been aghast at the thought of losing 8lbs in 2 months and ready to throw in the towel, but by documenting my journey with pictures and keeping track of my weight, its really given me a good perspective. Having Sleevie Wonder in one corner and a great support team in the other, I didn't give up this time.
just 8 lbs

I want to lose weight. Nobody has this surgery to not lose weight. But I think I'm at the point where the scale has less of an effect on how I feel day to day. I still weigh every day and I will continue to do that because it works for me, but my resolution is to not let stalls or daily weight fluctuations get me down. I can tell you right now without a doubt that I WILL have bad days and I will be on here hammering out a "WAAAAAHHHH! Damn you Bessie part deux! COT DAMAGE!!!" on the keyboard. Its inevitable, but I am going to do my best. It may not be your best, but its all that I got


Monday, January 3, 2011

VSG surgery Fried chicken and Eggrolls


My phone died. *sigh*. It was a rather expensive touchscreen phone and I've had it for about 6 months. No more twitter, no more pics, no more email, no life. WAAAAAAHHHHHH! I'm gonna go to the store and see what they tell me, but I already know that the outcome won't be good. They will insist that I did something to mess up the phone. Right now I'm using the world's worst phone just so I can at least stay somewhat connected to the world. When I say the world, I mean PT calling to ask me what he's gonna eat.

I had some pictures in my phone and I was gonna do a  few food reviews this week, but without the pictures to back up what I'm talking about they won't be as good as I want them to be. Oh well, I'll do plenty more eating in 2011. I DO however have a picture of me on NYE. I'm wearing this awesome vintage belt that my mom's had longer than I've been alive.

This past week my eating was pretty much as it is all the time. Summa this, summa that-mostly protein- and a few protein shakes thrown in for good measure.While at my parents' house, I went to my favorite whole in the wall, fried chicken shack. I always get wings and I can 1 to 1 1/2 depending on how big they are. I love that damn chicken (...insert joke about Black people and chicken here...) Yesterday I went to this Thai restaurant and had an eggroll and as much of the red curry that I could get in.The curry was incredible and agreeable to Sleevie, but the service was excruciatingly slow, painfully slow. I might give them one more try before I "x" them off of my list. Ixnay on the ow service slay.

Well, I've got to get ready for therapy, so I will


Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics


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