Right now I'm sitting her drinking my Premier protein shake sitting in a house that's a bit too cold for my liking. I could put on some pants, but then if I did that I'd be missing on out the one great thing about hammering out a blog post from the privacy of my own home-being in whatever state of nakedness I like! Naked blogging for the win!
Well, I was gonna tell you guys that I hadn't pooped in daaaays, but shortly after I typed " Naked blogging for the win!" the call of
I've had a few people ask me if my boobs are done. Um, no honey! That requires money, lettuce, green, benjamins and we still have a car in the driveway that has pneumonia of the transmission. I am not opposed to getting my boobs done so if there are any generous benefactors out there keep that in mind. I also like linzer cookies, gift cards to Le Madeleine, CAAAAAAKE, custom made wigs crafted of hair snatched from the scalps of 5 year old Indonesian boys( move over Beyonce), hooker boots ( move over more Beyonce), and Yeti fur vests ( to the left, bitch!!!). This is list is NOT exhaustive. I digress, back to boobs.
My boobs kinda suck. Post pregnancy PLUS post breastfeeding PLUS post wls and you have a pair of boobs that are way past their prime. I have what I have deemed liquiboobs. They just kinda go where they want. One of the properties of a liquid, taken from Waning Woman's book of pseudoscientifical knowledge, is that it will always seek out the lowest point in a container. That sucks. That means that without a bra or other suitable boob holster, they will pretty much look like this.( upper left corner)
The look of terror on dude's face is from being attacked by a green, disembodied, water balloon, titty.
Another property of a liquid is that it has a definite volume but no definite shape and will take the shape of whatever container its in. That's actually really good news! It means that you can take your boobs to places they've never been before. You can coax them into cones, squeeze them into squares, try them as triangles, do em up as dodecahedrons. A pert maiden boob with its nose in the air arrogantly defying gravity CAN'T DO THAT!!! Should your heart so desire, you could pour your liquiboobs into an ice tray and freeze them! The possibilities are only as limited as your imagination, people.
Well, imagine me whipping up a pot of homemade chicken and dumplings cause that's just what I am about to do. Besides, this post is turning into a novella, so I will have to bring the madness another day. Don't go anywhere y'all :)