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Thursday, March 31, 2011

VSG surgery Birthdays and Avoidance


Well, first off I'd like to say hello to my new followers! Thank you guys for being here.

the carnage
Three birthday parties in three days! That was what my Friday, Saturday, and Sunday consisted of and it was just all kinds of wrong. Remember my holy and sanctified vow to the Lord Almighty to eschew all things white and buttercreamy? Well that got kicked to the curb faster than a hooker with an extra row of teeth and lockjaw. Ouch. I'm telling you though, by day 3 I was pretty much caked all the way out of the game.
I'm not in any danger of another cake overload because luckily for me there are NO birthdays on the horizon. But what I realized, is that it is not as simple as willpower. I did great with my Lenten promise up until the moment that cake was in my face and I melted like a cheap ass, dollar store candle. Willpower is just the cherry on top. What I need is an arsenal of techniques, tips, and tricks that I can use to help me out when life happens.
Avoidance is a great strategy. If I'm not around something, I'm (usually) not tempted by it. I don't buy sweets or snacks and bring them into my house because I WILL EAT THEM. My friend asked me,"Isn't that the point?" It is if you want to eat them, but I don't.
I don't want to eat them, but I do...hmmm...
The strength of my willpower waxes and wanes from one day to the next and the seductive, siren song of saccharine sweets could take me down like Charybdis. Maybe once my resolve is steeled and readied for battle I can take my foot off of her neck, but...
Right now all I can do is stay away. No crackers, pasta, pastries, cookies, rice, cake, sweets, no nothing. They just cannot even be an option right now.

I will follow up with part 2 tomorrow.


Friday, March 25, 2011

VSG surgery Dogs and Trash

ಠ_ಠ Yeah that's how my face looks right now.

My dog's cellmate if she doesn't act right!
Have you ever seen a creature so ugly that it was cute? Well, there is this little dog that comes into our yard EVERYDAY that is so ugly, it's just fucking ugly. We thought that he was homeless or abandoned at first (yeah, he's that scruffy) but somebody told us that they saw him coming from the alley on the street somewhere over from us. Our dog started to leave the yard with this cur and they would be Huckfinning and Tomsawyering all over the neighborhood just doing stuff. It wasn't so bad at first, but it got progressively worse. She started bolting out of door and not coming when we called her, and as a result any outside time that she gets it now courtesy of the dreaded chain. Yes PETA, come and get me now cause I am guilty as all hell. Oh yeah, I also wear leather, lustfully eat ribeyes, and wear coon skin panties. Only the finest of materials get to nestle up to my lady bits!
PT hates this mutt with a passion that usually reserved only for someone who has stolen something from you. If he could catch it, put it in a box and then mail it to Namibia, he would. Only I think it'd come back just like that DAMNED CAT!

I was snoozing along comfortably this morning when PT angrily came into the room and angrily demanded that I GET UP AND SEE THIS!!!
Me: What?!?!
Me: Oh my God! UUUUGGGHHH! (At this point I thought that maybe our dog had done something)
PT went around the corner so fast it looked like he was goosestepping. He flung open the garage door and screamed LOOK!
Somehow the mutt had gotten into the garage and torn up a bag of trash.
Me: How'd it get in here?
PT: Still talking in all caps. I DON'T KNOW. YO, YOU NEED TO CALL ANIMAL CONTROL!
I gave him a pissed off Black Woman "mmm-hmm" and walked right back around the corner and got into bed.
Now I'm pissed। You mean to tell me that I got woken up out of my sleep for a bag of trash being strewn about the garage? Where the hell they do that at? As if I somehow willed this animal to come into our to garage and personally deliver PT a shit start to his day. I am so pissed right now that PT might be a chalk outline on an episode of the First 48. I'm just saying. While the geeks are here looking for evidence, I'll be on the next thing smoking to Guamia. I know people.

Image: Michelle Meiklejohn /

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

VSG surgery Changing Tastes and Lent

??5.4 I think.

My weight is down from what it was yesterday, but it's still not where I'd like it to be. Realistically, it's only a few pounds, but psychologically those few pounds are way bigger than reality. I'm not too far away from another weight milestone and I really, really want to get there soon.

So far, I've done pretty well with my promise to give up sweets for Lent. I did fudge a little and start after the Kid's birthday party, but hey....Anyway, I'm not Catholic so it can't count against me, only for me. I'm hoping that when I'm sent off to meet my Maker, these Lent days will score me some bonus tickets at that great big, cupcake party in the sky. I'm seriously considering giving up a few more carb based goodies, or not so goodies depending on how you see them.

Speaking of not-so goodies, on The Kid's birthday menu, we had nachos and hot dogs on the grill. It was economical, fast, easy to prepare and nasty as all FUCK!! I mean it. I thought that I liked, damn near loved  nachos, but apparently I don't and nobody thought to tell me otherwise. The chips were just ok, but the cheese was just a mouthful of bright orangello, slightly weird smelling, flavorless goop. Ugh! Chili makes everything better. Right? Right? WRONG!!! Now, the bright orangello, slightly weird smelling, flavorless goop is now topped with a watery, brown, flavorless, slightly chunky, meat scented, greasy concoction. Double Ugh!! I think that Wolf brand chili is actually made from mangy wolves...nutsacks and all.
not really. I just LOVE this pic
I'm not really upset about my changing tastes, but I am surprised. One minute I'm knocking back bags of Doritos and iced animal cookies, and the next I'm drinking pinot griiiiiis with my pinky stuck out, wearing lacy gloves while noshing on watercress sandwiches. I's a lady now.

Monday, March 21, 2011

VSG Feeling and Seeing

??4.8 I think

Sad pig :(
I've been feeling fat for the past 4 or 5 days or so and I've been feeling a bit of the sads about it. Before you tell me that "fat isn't a feeling", it damn sure is. If it is something that I experience and sense within my body, it IS a feeling. Nobody says that feeling pretty isn't a feeling and this is the Exact.
Fat is a feeling, but it is not an emotion. Any sort of emotion that I feel is a result of my own crazy. *sigh*
Have you ever heard of the Tyra term smizing? Smilin wi cho eyes. Well, I look in the mirror and my thighs look huge, my stomach looks bloated and distended and I'm just not feeling myself.
There has been a lot of lyzing going on in my bathroom lately.
I know that its not real (or is it?) but I can't help feeling how I feel about it. There are lots of imaginary concepts, ideas, and objects that elicit strong emotional responses.
Have you ever had a dream that bothered you for the rest of the day?
A ghost story?
A daydream about winning the lotto?
I'm a little crazy, but I think we all are a little crazy in our own ways.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

VSG surgery Isopure Grape Frost Review

I was perusing the aisles of GNC yesterday when I came across this bottle containing concoction of the loveliest shade of ditch water purple. It was in the protein aisle, so my curiosity made me pick up. Curiously enough, my curosity also makes me kill cats, too so this is way better than felinicide. The fur gets EVERYWHERE and its hell to get out of my hair! Anyway............It's ISOPURE!  I'd heard of Isopure a few times in the WLS community and on forums, but I'd never tried it myself cause I was scared of it. Early out, I tried both Beneprotein and protein bullets and those things are God awful. Like raunchy, bovine ass on a hot day kinda nasty. Since that gustatory sucker punch, I've been kind of wary of clear or supposedly flavorless protein.

Here are the facts:
Almost 5 bucks a bottle-4.99 to be exact
20 fluid ozs
160 calories
40 grams of protein
55mg calcium
80mg sodium 
45mg potassium

Here is my 2 cents:
For 40 grams of protein, the taste is pretty good. The flavor is light and not particularly overpowering, but you can tell that you're not just drinking a Propel. A slight aftertaste rears its head, but that's pretty much par for the course with all protein supplements. There is a slight acidic tang which isn't bad at all.
The biggest negative for me is the after-feel. I guess the sensation would be akin to biting into a banana peel or having a dose of alum. My mouth was puckery feeling and I got the tingles in my------>"right here" Can you see where I'm pointing? Can you? Technically, it is in the area of my masseter muscle, but I like calling it my "right here".
All in all, I think that it is a nice change of pace if you're looking for a protein supplement. Grape Frost Isopure is whey (bum dum ching) better than a lot of other options and it is packed with protein. Its a bit pricey for me, and you know I love my shakes, but I would buy another day.


Sunday, March 13, 2011

VSG surgery Mirrors and Self Esteem


Somebody told me that I'd be a lot cuter if I wasn't so conceited. BURN!!! Talk about speaking out of your ass your mind. Everybody has their moments, and I have my fair share of them, but I hardly think that conceited is an everyday term that you'd use to describe yours truly. I am more confident, that is an undeniable fact, but confidence and conceit aren't one in the same. But whatever. Since I am the Queen of all Black People and I can do what I want, I'll just take this pseudo-conceit and turn it into real tantrum throwing narcissism and lop off her damn head. In fact I need a team of drug procuring, dirt burying, yes men, winners and I can really take this thing to the next level.

But I do catch myself checking my reflection in every mirrored surface that I pass. I can see how that could be confused with conceit, but the thoughts in my mind are usually not those of Narcissus. Part of me is still in shock that I'm so ABSOLUTELY THE HOTTEST THING IN THE STATE OF TEXAS different than I was a year ago. I have to keep looking to make sure that all of my progress doesn't just poof and vanish like a dandelion in the wind. I was this size before, but the last time I was this size, I didn't realize just how quickly everything could spiral out of control and I'd be so heavy that I'd need surgery to find myself again.... I was about to say that the smaller I get, the more worried I get, but I don't know if that's really the case. This entire journey of weight loss and self discovery has been very emotionally charged. It really is like a roller coaster-exhilarating and frightening at the same time. But its also other yin and yang, black and white emotions. I feel self assured and doubting, strong and weak, like a brickhouse and like a fat girl still waddling in the muck. Its confusing some days.

But I'm still me.... I think......?


Saturday, March 12, 2011

VSG surgery: Gym and Airports

I think My weight is up, but that's no surprise. I've been doing a little bit of everything and eating a little bit of everything, so I cannot complain one bit about my weight being up a little. That's why I absolutely love my sleeve. Anyway, I just came back from the gym and picking up The Kid's abuela from the airport, so you're getting hit with SANS SCRIPT SATURDAY!  I was ready to do a recipe for the stuffed peppers I made last week but PT's butterfinger ass thought it was a good idea to drop the whole jar of sun dried tomatoes. COT DAMAGE!! About the only thing we can afford to drop around this piece is weight. PREACH!!

Coming in from the gym
WTF is this you might ask?...   

....This belt! Guess it is kinda close to my uterus.
Stretching out the T-rexes
Stylin at the store! Walk, bish!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

VSG Surgery- I'm back

I'm finally back in town so I'm just letting you guys know that I am alive and well. I'll be back to dazzle and wow you with a scintillating blog post very, very soon. Everything is well, just a little busy, but busy beats being dead by a loooong shot.


Wednesday, March 2, 2011

VSG surgery Family and loss

The scale is on fi-yah this week!

I've been having so much fun with The Kid lately. Now that PT and I both have our own cars again, things are SO much better in the household. Yesterday my favorite guy in the world and I walked all around an outdoor mall and did a little bit of shopping. After that, he had sushi for the first time ever and he LOVED it. That's my boy!

I've been holding on to this for a few days, because it never seems like the right time to talk about it. There never really is a good time to talk about something like this. I have to go to a funeral sometime soon. My great uncle died last week.
i hope he has good memories as a kid the way that I do
My uncle lived in the country and we had so much fun visiting him as little kids. One of my earliest memories is being at his place, riding horses, and crying because I stepped in horse poo while wearing sandals. I can vividly remember getting my foot hosed down and boohooing like my life was over. I couldn't have been any older than about 3 or 4....hmmmm.....As I got older we weren't really close, but that doesn't take the sting away. I really hurt for my grandmother, though.
She made of arsenic and old lace. She is of the shoot first ask questions later camp but she is as beautiful as she is tough- old, movie star, beautiful like Lena Horne. They just don't make women like that anymore and I love her. She's a heroine in somebody's fiction, only its her real life. She's scrappy, resilient, resourceful, tough as nails, and will be on your ass like "D" on dead-that's from both ends- in a split second. But no matter your constitution, something like this is never easy to bear. I'll be fine, I know I will, but I just don't want her to hurt.

There are a few more family things happening in my life that will take me out of town and on the road, so just keep me in your thoughts and I will keep you posted.

Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics


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