Click the links below for more info. You know you wanna do it!

Saturday, April 30, 2011

VSG surgery Costco and Chicken

Sans Script Saturday

The Kid stuck this fake eyelash right in the middle of my eyelid so I could look beautiful.

Chicken salad made with Costco rotisserie chicken. Recipe next week!
Great low carb crackers. Review coming soon!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

VSG surgery Tucking and cupcakes


tuck game proper!!! Come Carmen!
Did any of you watch RuPaul's Drag Race? This is the first season that I saw in its entirety and I absolutely hearted it. The last episode got eaten by the DVR monster and I didn't get to see it, but Raja, the high fashion Ka-ween chaunted off with the crown. This is a shade free zone, so I will give props were props are due and I will tell you that he went all Freddy Kruger and slayed the other girls, but he wasn't my fave. I liked the giggling, squealing, English language butchering, Yara Sofia. But, it was no surpise that Raja was gonna win. If you didn't know that, you must have been hiding in that special gilded place where Carmen Carrera keeps her family jewels carefully ensconced.

Enough about the art of genital tucking, lets talk about how I tucked these cupcakes up in my mouf last night!! I cracked y'all. I cracked. I don't feel baaad about it, but its just a realization. It's nothing Earth shattering or even novel for that matter cause I've said 523,600 times. Its a constant battle. Sometimes I'm the aggressor, sometimes there is an uneasy truce, sometimes I'm just getting my my ass handed to me by a fucking cupcake. Who gets iketurnered by a sugary, fucking, confection? That's not gangsta in the slightest bit.

Back to tucking. I will be tucking some goodies in a box and giving them to one of my lucky FB fans. If you're not a fan of the page, you SO should be. Check me out right here FB and like me. I like it when you like me, like I like really like like it when you like like me *in my best big haired, 80's, Heather voice*. So just do it!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

VSG surgery Feet and Ground


Wow! I just did some rithmatic in mah head and I've managed to lose 8.2 lbs since March 31. Now that's what I call winning!  That's a lot of weight, especially since I am so close to my goal.

I've been so busy that I've been having to make time in my own schedule for myself, but I guess that's part of being a grown up.  I've been penciling my own self in, but I'm expected to stop what I'm doing for others? Mmmm....No......Another part of being a grown up is learning to carve out boundaries for yourself. It's a process, but I am starting to learn that the magnetic poles of the Earth don't suddenly realign just because I say "No!" I'm a wife, a mother, a blogger, a spy for the Guamian  government  (not to be confused with Guam), Boris Kodjoe's part time lover, full time hand model,  I am one busy gal! Nobody is going to look out for me (or Boris' secret, "yes mama" spot) but me, so I gotta put my foot down, stand my ground and say "No."

Today my neighbor told me that she was coming over to my house so that I could help her find a new place to stay and find a venue that held 500-600 people.
"No you're not. My house is a mess and I need to get it together before I do anything else." PERIOD! And that's exactly what I did....and I didn't feel an iota of guilt about it. In fact, it gave me a tingly sensation in my loins, but I think that is a topic best kept hush-hush. This is a family blog after all.

Say it with me, "NNNNNNOOOOOOOO"
I think I'm just gonna start saying no to erthang!!
You feel like shopping for curtains?...No

Can you pick me up from the bus stop?... No

Would you mind if I used your wifi?...No...(well that doesn't really work)

Can you take me to the emergency room?...No!
Really I'm about to black out...No!
Can you help me....please...I'm losing blood...No!
Ambulance Driver-Ma'am can you move out of the way?....No!
Police Officer-I'm gonna need to see your id...No!
You're obstructing justice, have a failure to render aid, and you didn't yield to the ambulance..No!
What do you mean no?....No!
Ok, I've had enough, put your hands behind your back...No!

And now I'm a millionaire! Oh yeah, I skipped the part where Al Sharptongue and the ACLU came to my rescue, I was on CNN, and I sued the entire country of Guamia and WON!.

Just say no, people. Just say no.
Not to reproduced without my written permission. This is high art and I put a lot of time into it.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

VSG surgery Working Out and Legs


Sans Script Saturday
My big ass leg. This is before I even set foot in the gym..for you Christal
Does this plug make me look fat?
These shoes make me look fast!!! You guys know the truth.
I'm done

Friday, April 22, 2011

VSG surgery Good Friday and bad scales

??7.4 Whatever.*in my 'whatever discount' voice* Bessie is going through her lying stage again.

I am so hungry right now. Some post wls peeps say that they don't experience hunger, but for me, it has been a part of my post wls experience since almost day one. Man, I am starving but I don't want to get up off of my steadily shrinking rump to do anything about it. I don't know if its cause I haz a case of teh layzeez or just the fact that nothing sounds good to me other than a Greek salad. Luckily I have an appointment today which is going to take me right over by the store where I buy my gyro meat so it looks like my gustatory lust will be sated today.
 I'm out of my Premier protein shakes and sf popsicles and those are staples in my fridge. In fact I have just figured out my blog topic for the day....

.What the hell is in Waning Woman's fridge? 
1. Premier protein shakes-These are my go to rtd shakes! Full of protein and deliciousness 

2. Sugar Free Popsicles-When I am craving something sweet I can pop these open and take the edge off. I swear they're like methadone.

3. Cheddar cheese-This is the drunken Aunt of cheeses. Fun and it makes everything in life better....especially ER waiting rooms.

4. Calorie Countdown milk-I don't drink a lot of milk, but when I have a hankering for it, this really hits the spot. Very low in carbs.

5. Sugar Free Hawaiian Punch singles to go- I have these in every possible flavor. They are artificially colored, artificially sweetened, artificially flavored and probably toxic to small marine animals but I LOVEZ IT!

6. String cheese-not all that exciting but a great source of protein. 

7.Pesto-Pesto is like the green spoonable cake of my life. It's great! The herbaceous deliciousness makes everything better. Stuffed peppers, cheesy bakes, steak. Everything!

8. Sundried tomatoes- These are super versatile and I put them in just about anything.

9. Tortilla crusted tilapia from Costco- This is oh so easy and oh so delicious. Just pop it in the oven and you will have a mouthwatering delish entree in about 20 minutes. It only tastes like you slaved in the kitchen. 

Well, that's all I got for now. What are some of the staples in your pantry?

Thursday, April 21, 2011

VSG surgery Star potential and sneezing

??6.4 137.6 lbs lost to date yesterday

??6.0 138 lbs lost to date!

Standing on furniture like I aint got no home training
(I started this blog post yesterday and my throat is still scratchy)

Today my throat is scratchy and Sleevie is definitely feeling off. The feeling is not quite nausea, but just about on the verge of being there. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's all of the tree spunk in the air,maybe it's the wildfires, maybe I'm still recovering from Hurricane Mama, but whatever it is, I feel worn down and blah. BUT, I've not let all of this blah swimming around in my existence drown my gym mojo. I don't know why or how it's holding up, but I'm certainly not going to start questioning it now.

Roll out the red carpet, get my botox ready, and arrange my "vacay" at the Cirque Lodge cause I's finna be a star. Can you see my name on a dry erase board in bright lights?? Can you? Can you? Well, my surgeon has asked me to be in a video for his website! ME?!?! I am always surprised and a little more than pleased when people tell me that I've done amazingly well or that I inspire them. In my head, I'm like "I'm just me." In all seriousness, I really do feel like that. But any sort of modesty is short lived because my inner Beyonce resides just a few neurons away from my modesty center and that huzzy is always ready to bust out in a blaze of 22 inch 1b/27 yaki, 6 inch heels, and sequins, all the while yodeling "I'm that bitch!!!" Of course they want me. I'm faaaaah-bulous!

But filming isn't going to be until later this summer so I'm not a star...yet. Until then, I'll be picking out my own outfits, getting my own coke, kissing my own ass, and cleaning my own kitchen, Which is exactly what I'm going to get up and do before PT fires me and hires a woman who doesn't leave hair all over the house and who mates up his socks AND puts them away. Housework beckons,...uuuugggggggh

Monday, April 18, 2011

VSG surgery Easy and Cheesy


You SO thought this post was gonna be about that gamer guy who worked at the corner store who asked you for a date on the day after you got dumped by your Fabio. The one who picked you up in his grandma's car, took you to Denny's, ordered for you from the senior menu, proceeded to call you a princess the whole evening, while telling you that your eyes were like the deepest pools in Ashzara. No we're not talking about that kind of cheesy.
I have a recipe!!
Well, its not quite a recipe, just a loose set of directions that lead to cheesy deliciousness. The original ricotta bake idea has had several permutations, the most famous of which have come via the lovely Shelly over at The World According to Eggface. This is the Waning Woman version!

I basically looked into my fridge yesterday, plucked out the choicest pickings, and decided to whip up something low carb and tasty. I threw the following into a bowl and mixed with a spoon until blended.

2 big handfuls of shredded mozzarella cheese
between 3/4 and 7/8th a 15oz container of ricotta
4 or 5 shakes of grated Parmesan
about a 1/4c of feta
tablespoon of pesto (not the measuring tablespoon, the kind that most normal people eat with)
tablespoon of minced garlic (same measurement as the pesto)
2 beaten eggs
5 sundried tomatoes, minced
1 beef pepperoni stick thinly sliced ( I buy Pacific Gold from Costco)

I put the mixture into 6 muffin silicone pan (cause that's all I got ) and let it cook at 350 until it was nice and brown. I had a lot left over, so I put the remaining mixture into these two small glass casserole dishes and this is what you see. Voila!

It was sooo good that I actually wish I had more right now.

Try it and tell me what you think.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

VSG surgery Caterpillars and Running

??? NO idea what my weight is but it's def in the comfortable zone.

Why hello new follower! I totally heart new followers.

This is not an umbrella. It is a death deflector!

This week has been exhausting but I am thisclose to resuming a life that a little bit closer to my normal. Remember, I said my normal. My normal means walking around with umbrellas on bright and sunny days because I'm afraid that death is going to rain down on me. And by death, I mean CAAAATERPILLARS!!!!!!!! I'm shuddering as I type this. I don't know why the hell God made such horrifically disgusting, squiggly, fear inducing creatures. I mean, are they really necessary? Why haven't the Japanese come up with some suitably advanced technology that can just replace these...these....things.  They gave us Godzilla, Karaoke, Ramen noodles, and the Easy Beautiful Butt Cushion. They've got to find a way to make my life better....and life better for the legions of drivers who will have to slam on their brakes because I've run kicking and screaming right into traffic cause a caterpillar fell on me.

My eating has been SO on point since my parents have been here. I think that this is the first time ever that I haven't buckled in and eaten any of the endless number of sweets that parade into my house when they are here. There have been two strawberry cakes, a carrot cake, a bread pudding, and countless scoops of Braums's ice cream that have managed to disappear with no help from me. I'm on my roll so strong, I'm thinking about not having any sweets until my birthday. Hell maybe not even then if PT can make me a meat cake.
Meat cake!!!!
 Today I had a muscle milk for breakfast, a few handfuls of pepitas (shelled pumpkin seeds), two chicken wings, a few baby carrots and ranch, a string cheese, 2 or 3 sf popsicles, and I don't think I've had much else, Hmmmm doesn't really seem like a lot of food for the day. Oh well. Some days I eat less, and some days I eat like a rabid, zombie cow in the a middle of Kansas plain on a hot Spring day...foamy slobbering not excluded.

Anway I'm thisclose to being back to normal, but it doesn't start tomorrow. I've got a pretty busy day so I'm gonna wrap this up and take my ass to bed.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

VSG surgery Separation and Independence

 ? I weighed today but the number has long since fallen out of my head. I'm at about 134 lbs to date. I'm still technically obese. BMI charts can burn in hell!

Low carb has really been treating me well. My insatiable appetite for all things cake is now just a long distance love affair. I know that Cake is there and I can have her one day, but there is nothing I can do about it right now other than love her from afar. Well, we do have sexting and XXX Skype Night on Tuesdays and she can do some nasty things with sheet of fondant. Super Freak!! Anyway, the separation has been really hard on her. She'll call me blubbering and sobbing like some rose ceremony rejectee wailing at me "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE MEEEEEE?!?!?!" I just put my pimp hat on and brush it off. I love her but a real playa can't let their true feelings show. I still have a really special place in my heart for my second love, Cake. Crank calling my grandma and pretending to be Chinese is my first.

My mom is here and she seriously has some sort mind control over me. I swear its like I'm wearing an invisible gnomish mind control cap (5 points if you know where that came from) I've always been the kind of daughter that does what my mom wants no matter how tired I am or how much  I have to move my own schedule around. I do it out of obligation to the debt that I owe her for being such an incredible mom, so most of the time, I don't really mind.
Go to Braums at 10 o'clock pm? Fine.
Shop for curtains at 1 in the morning? Fine
Drive all over the Metroplex so she can buy pillows? Fine.
Drive all over the Metroplex to buy pillows and then go aaaall the way back to the first store that we were at where I told her to get the pillows in the first damn place? *sigh* Fine.
I've acquiesced to most of her requests, but this go around I've stood my ground and made some requests of my own.
"Mama, I need to go to the gym before we do anything at all tomorrow."
"You went yesterday, you don't wanna go too much."
"Well, I need to stick with it while I have the motivation and the drive to get it done, so I'm gonna go. I need to do this for me"
And you know what? The Earth didn't stop spinning, Mama didn't sprout serpentine locks, and I didn't stop being fabulous turn into stone. It was life as usual. It felt really good to find that fine line between being my Mama's child and being able to voice my needs.
Now if somebody can just tell me how to get out of doing her feet.

Friday, April 8, 2011

The Winners of the Adjust-a-Button are....

Look at my high tech choose-a-majic


Peeved Michelle and Blackberry Mama!!!  Email or DM me your addresses and I will send out your stuff.

Thanks to all of you who participated. I really, really, really appreciate y'all being here.
I cannot thank you enough.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

VSG surgery Shrinking and Weights


Hi new follower!

I've been running around like a hopped up rooster with its head cut off. Jeez. No rest for the wicked, indeed! I've been in a never ending loop of Driving Miss Daisy, chauffeuring my mama from place to place without rest. I was at Walmart at one something in the morning supposedly to get batteries for the stud finder (another of her projects) and we ended up looking for picture frames, curtains, and tiebacks for more than an hour. Really, Mama? This woman can shop....and turn a house from a shack into a chateau. The Black Martha Stewart-Daisy and I have been traversing the metroplex with The Kid in tow EVERYDAY and EVERYWHERE from Home Goods, Ross, Kirklands, Ikea, The Salvation Army, JC Penney, Wally World, the flea market, NorthPark Mall. I mean I have been there and back and I am pooped.

I feel like a toothless, dayshift stripper working at the Pregnant Sow Saloon and Truck Stop- tired and wore the fuck out. Even still, I've been managing to go to the gym regularly. I've been hitting the weights like they owe me money and its really paying off! I can see myself shrinking before my eyes. I don't know how much longer this gymthusiasm will last, so I'm just gonna ride this train until it comes to a halt....I hope its not the local. :)

This is a short and sweet post, but I'm gonna leave you with a progress pic.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

VSG surgery Product Review Adjust-a-Button......and Giveaway!


I was perusing the aisles of one of my favorite stores when I stumbled across this package right here. I'd seen these snazzy doohickeys before on an infomercial ( thank you Dish Network and your sucky channel lineup), but I didn't really pay much mind to them. I watch infomercials for comedy and besides, they were running around 20 bucks. My inner Scrooge McDuck would never let me pay that much money for two tiny ass pseudo buttons that may or may not work. Imagine my surprise when I found them for ONE greenback. Eight buttons for one dollar?! My, my, my what a wonderful day.

I have lots of pants that are too big in the waist, but one particularly offensive pair just happens to be one of my favorites. They're denim skinny jeans and I can easily grab one and a half handfuls in the waist and I'm pulling them up all the time. My t-rexes hold them up so I'm really in no danger of having an assgate scandal, but still its not really all that sexy. Anyway, I figured what the hell and popped one into the waistband of mis pantalones.

After. Still a bit big in the waist, but that's my genes, not AaB
These pants don't actually have a zipper, so that made the adjustment ability of the button less than ideal. That crease in the middle of my shirt is from the fabric of the jeans buckling in.Overall though, I give them an A. The AaB held up all day even with repeated trips to the bathroom. This product is a total score. SCHWING!!! This isn't a button. This is a tiny, little sweat shop filled with elves, seamstresses, and chock full of child labor violations. It works hard for the mon-ay!!!!

I love them so much that I am giving away 1 package to 2 readers. They're great for losing weight, gaining weight, or just tweaking the fit of pants that are juuust not right, so ANYONE can enter. All you have to do is leave a comment. It's that simple! An extra entry can be earned by spreading the love on twitter or FB.

Happy commenting!


Friday, April 1, 2011

VSG surgery Birthdays and Avoidance part 2


Now that I'm on day 5 of my low carb sojourn, the cries of pastries and other snacks begging to be put out of their misery now a  fading sound. It's there but it isn't the shrill violin solo in the symphony of my day. It is more just a dull, roaring hum in the background. I think that I'll do ok today. 

How the hell do you go to a birthday party and avoid cake? Isn't that kinda like expecting to go to a drag show and avoiding glitter, gayness, and Gaga? Methinks. Seriously though, how do you handle that?
Do you not go?....Antisocial
Do you leave the building and take a walk while everyone else is enjoying the festivities?....A little weird
Do you demand that no cake be served in your presence because you are God's gift?....Mariah
Are you able to just say no?

If you do say no or make other food choices, how do the people around you handle that? For the most part the people in my life are supportive, but...
I started low carbing while still on my trip and I made a big ass pan on enchiladas for the family. I made the kid's plates, and I don't quite remember what happened next, but I do remember this conversation pretty well.
Family Member R- Aren't you gonna eat?
Me- Yeah in a little bit.
Family Member R- Well go ahead and fix you a plate.
Me- I can't eat that.
Family Member R- What do you mean you can't eat that, you fixed it.
Me-I am focusing on getting in my protein first, so that means I can't eat that. I have to eat protein.
Family Member R- Haven't you lost enough weight? You're always trying to do too much? Now you're on a diet? *shaking her head*
Me- I'm just doing what I need to do to take care of me.

I'll eat THIS
Like I've said before, for the most part my family is majorly supportive, but little dialogues like these just irritate the fuck out of me. A fellow WLS blogger Blackberry Mama had a conversation about this just the other day. When you take a stand about what you do and don't put in your body, people look at you a little funny. She told somebody, " I don't eat that" and they in turn told her that she should say " I can't eat that." I told somebody that I don't eat Kraft macaroni and cheese, not because I can't, because I don't. Well the truth of it is, unless you're throat closingly, get the epi pen, allergic to something you CAN. Its your body, my body, whoeverthehell's body and nobody is owed and explanation about your food restrictions. Period......But I find myself feeling a little uncomfortable with the looks or the thoughts that I think they're thinking. I don't want to be some food snob, but.....I just want to be normal and enjoy a normal meal like a normal person. Is that even possible. Hell, I don't know anything.

Image: Suat Eman /

Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics


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