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Sunday, May 29, 2011

VSG Surgery Writing and Questions.

I don't remember my weight cause I didn't plan on blogging today.

I was tagged in a writing challenge on twitter.(Thank you @canticles and @willufight4life) Being the contender that I am, I of course threw down the gauntlet and charged head on. Here is the challenge with which I have been tasked.
Tagged bloggers, please tell us in a post: Why You Write? Please also tag 5 others and offer them 3 pearls of wisdom for other writers/bloggers.
I want to start with the words of wisdom. Well, the word of wisdom cause its all I got.

#1 Your voice is your own and you cannot be anybody other than yourself.
There were a few posts that I wrote here recently and I felt that maybe I needed to be a little more motivational. I don't think I'm a pessimist, but I just felt like I wasn't enough and I needed to be something else. But after sitting for a few minutes, I realized that all I can give you guys is me. It was such a simple, but stark realization.

#2 Oh yeah, allow anonymous commenters and people will comment more!

I was a few days out from surgery when somebody on a forum I frequented asked me if I was going to blog. It had never occurred to me that I could blog. But just like that, I made up my mind that I would.

In the beginning, I'm not sure who I was blogging for. My blog was a mix of weight log, journal, scratch pad with no clear course of direction, even though I always had a bigger picture. Although I had few, if any readers, once I jumped headfirst I knew that I wanted it to be bigger than myself. It was never just about me. I wanted people to hear my voice. Cary Tennis said it way more eloquently than I could.
"When I have crafted something colorful that seems to cage my pain and then I carry it through the streets like an exotic bird, I do not need people to walk up to me and tell me they see the bird. They see it. I know they see it because I walk by them carrying the bird in the cage, holding it aloft."
I need people to see me. I do not ever want to be invisible. Writing is the most selfish and selfless thing that I have ever done. I give myself willingly so that I can in turn receive the knowledge that I am reaching someone. That gives me a fulfillment that I've never found anywhere else.

I've always been a writer. I remember in elementary school I got scolded by my teacher because she was absolutely certain that I had copied or had someone else write the paper that I turned in. Even as a child, I was that good, but there are various points in my life at which I forgot that. It happens slowly, but so suddenly. The spirit, once full of promise and the gilded glee of naivete naturally ages and dulls with the patina of loss, and labor, and life, and listlessness.

The glee gets replaced with the grind
whimsy with work
overjoyed with overtime

Dreams, no longer nurtured by the fountain of youth, lose their verdant hue. They dry and wither and atrophy turning into a sparkly powder that floats away on the breeze swirling and whirling and twirling like a sad dancer. The sad dancer, voiceless yet pleading, begs you with her eyes, but you don't even see her as you compare the unit prices on boxes of trash bags. And just like that, you forget that you want to be an opera singer, a veterinarian, a ballerina, a writer.
But the sparkly powder is tenacious as glitter, and even as you trudge through life unawares, there it is stuck behind your ear....hiding in your tresses...in the crease of your favorite pants. And although you gave up on your dreams, little, little sparkly piece of dream powder hasn't given up on you.

It waits quietly for the rains to come.
It waits for the right season.
It waits for someone to ask you, " Why don't you blog?"

Image: africa / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

7 comments:

  1. This is BEAUTIFUL... You are amazing.

    Love this... "And although you gave up on your dreams, little, little sparkly piece of dream powder hasn't given up on you."

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  2. Well said, WW. As eloquent as anything I've ever posted.

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  3. This literally gave me goosebumps. You are amazing and wonderous for sharing everything you do with us. I am grateful to know you.

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  4. Stunning.

    There is no other word that applies quite as well.

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  5. gorgeous post, sigh the tingles of literary pleasure!

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  6. You're such a nerd...from one nerd to another...you have my heart.

    I also got accused of cheating as a child. i was analyzed extensively. i was always the only little big black girl who no one could classify or figure out. It made me feel weird, different, and special. I did lose that along the way, but blogging with you and my other sisters helped me find it again. I am so blessed by you guys. really. so blessed. You enrich my life.

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