Click the links below for more info. You know you wanna do it!

Thursday, June 30, 2011


Today is the first time I'm posting from See that? There's no blogspot. Yours truly is growing on up. I'm out of the tween years and squarely in the smelly, eat-you-out-of- house-and-home, hormone fueled teenage years. You know what? I think we should have a Quincenera! I'll invite all of you and we'll have a shindig that will put those Travelers to shame. There will be an overdose of ruffles and lace, a cameltoe or two, a couple of drunk tios, and cake-lots and lots of cake! All of the people in my receiving line will be sporting aquanetted and lacquered Sad Girl hair, hot pink lipstick and 6 inch heels. Face tattoos are optional, but should you choose to gt one, it must be from the approved list: cupcakes, teardrops, shooting stars, or pistols. Hey, its my way or the highway. Mi Vida Loca!!
OMG! A smiling teenager. Call the cryptozoologist. This is rarer than Sasquatch 
Well this isn't really a full blog post, just an FYI for all of you great people out there in the Wanosphere. I'll be seeing you around, guys.

Image: Louisa Stokes /

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

VSG surgery Blog Awards and Celebrity


I have no idea what today's entry will be about. I have some reviews coming up and I could do one today, but I just don't feel like it. AHA! I DO know what today's entry will be about

Sheila over at This One Body nominated me for my first blog award. Thank you VERY much!

 I'm not really sure how adorable my blog is, but seeing as how this is my FIRST AWARD EVER I'm going to take it and shut the hell up about it. If you can think of other adjectives to describe my blog, please feel free to leave them in the comments.

 So the rules of the award are as follows:
*Thank the person(s) who gave you this award, and link back to them in your post.
*Tell us 10 things about yourself.
*Nominate your bloggers.
*Contact these bloggers, and let them know they received this award.

Um hello? What kind of award has stipulations? Can't I get based on the epicly, awesome, awesomeness of the entity that is Waning Woman? Do the Grammys tell Beyonce, " Look, we want to give you this award, but fiiiirst you gotta teach us how to yodel, while sashaying, and channeling the fiercest drag queen in the history of the universe, all at the same time. Then, Ms. Knowles, after that you must visit the Home for Wayward Children in Brooklyn for a photo op." No, the Grammys do not tell Beyonce that! I'm not saying I am Beyonce, well, I AM saying that I'm Beyonce. I am the BEYONCE of the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Universe!
Big hair?-Check
Heels worn at inappropriate times?-Check
Smoking dance moves?-Check
Yodel game tight?-Check
See? Some things just are what they are and fighting some truths that are so very APPARENT is just dumb. So cause I am Wayonce, I am NOT going to jump through all of these hoops just for some award. I am going to jump through hoops while yodeling, sashaying, dancing, and posing for pictures.

Ten things you may or may not know
  1. I absolutely love Twitter. If you're not following me you should. Its the crazy of my blog on meth. 
  2.  I went to college as a biology major. I graduated with a different degree, but that was my original plan of action 
  3. I read really fast. Like freakishly fast. I used to get in trouble in elementary cause they thought I wasn't doing my work cause I'd just be sitting there looking around. It took them awhile to realize that I was just a legend.
  4. I just had cheez-its for breakfast. Owning it and moving on to the next one.
  5. I'm an adventurous eater, but oysters on the half shell are on my "Hell to the No" list
  6. In high school, I was Class Clown and Super Spirited. I was also thisclose to being a National Merit Scholar. Who'da thunk?
  7. I'll go check the mail or go to the car with no shoes on. Call me country or whatever, but I am what I am. PT HATES that  I do that.
  8. When I was little I ate some swiss cheese at my Granny's house and I HATED it. I didn't want to tell her that, so I told her I liked it. She bought it for me every single time I went over there. Ha!
  9. I don't necessarily love some of the features on my face, but when I see them on my son, I think that they are the most beautiful sights my eyes have seen. I didn't even realize that the features on his face were mine until my own mother pointed them out.
  10. I make better pernil and mofongo than my DR born mother in law. Don't EVER repeat that.
So here comes the nomination part.
Vanita, Angel, Chrissy, BlackBerry Mama, VSGmom, Switched Scoop, Kate, Gr8gastrectomy, ShanaSparkles, Eve, Kim, you have all been officially put on notice. Please enjoy this slippery slide into the depravity known as celebrity. I don't know about you, but my limo is coming to pick me up so I can lift some jewelry, buy some drugs, whoop a trick, beat a trick, toss a trick and walk away scot-free. Ah, the life of a celebrity.

Friday, June 24, 2011

The Winner of the Waning Woman Gotein Giveaway

Congratulations KaVa$h!...I just feel like your name needs a dollar sign :-)

Don't forget about the Facebook fan appreciation giveaway. If you're a fan, you're entered. It is as simple as that. If you're not a fan, why don't you become one now?

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

VSG surgery Heartburn and PPI's


JEEESUS be a sweet, gentle, acid reducing breeze and deliver me from the pain a-churnin up in my belly. Heartburn, gastrointestinal reflux disease, GERD, whatever the hell you want to call it , is NO fun at all. This is something that reared its head after surgery as I never had heartburn before. I may have talked about this before, but its bad right now and I felt compelled to write about it.

Part of the problem IS partly part of a teensy, weesy, modicum of a part that is partly my fault. I've fallen out of the habit of taking my pills at the same time everyday. For about the past week, I've been taking my PPI, proton pump inhibitor as I feel my heartburn. As these are not intended for immediate symptom relief, I'm pretty much screwing myself. While they last longer, they have a delayed onset. I've got to get a steady level in my system and keep it there. Anyway, here's some A and P for you:

There once was Proton Pump who lived in the city of Gastric Lumen. He was a hard working family man and did everything that he could do to provide for his family. Proton Pump was the last stop in gastric acid production and his job was secreting H+ ions so that Stomach could do its job, churning food in an acidic environment to break it down. An acidic environment is needed to denature proteins and kill any pathogens that may be unfortunate enough to have made the trip down Esophagus Lane. So day in and day out, Proton Pump churned out the acid like the good worker drone that he was. Unfortunately, he didn't get the memo that Stomach had downsized (almost 85%) and that his work wasn't needed anymore. Stomach couldn't deal with the over production and it was actually running outside of the county lines into other jurisdictions. Proton Pump was sent a cease and desist letter, Dear John, a severance package worth several million dollars, AND insurance for him and his kiddos. But because Proton Pump couldn't read he just threw it all in the trash thinking that it was another letter from Nigeria cause that's the only mail he'd ever gotten in his life. So Stomach did what it had to do and called in the big guns, Proton Pump Inhibitors, the most feared gang in all of Gastric Lumen. The PPI's are BAAAD muthamuthas. They'll ride into town, guns blazing, bikes a-smoking and murdalize the poor defenseless Proton Pump with nary a wink or a sigh. Once they got a hold of Proton Pump they cut off his fingers stuck them up his butt and poor little Proton Pump was irreparably and irreversibly damaged, never able to secrete H+ again. Eventually though, his sons, tenacious and unwavering stepped into their father's old position and starteded making H+ again. THIS is why I have to be on my game all the time. The PPI gang kills the production ability of the enzymes, but the body is always there to replace to impotent ones with new copies.

Proton Pump and his sons!

Anyway, I done learned yall enough today. Stay tuned tomorrow for more fancy book learning including riffmatic and times tables.

Don't forget to comment on the Gotein post for your chance to win a 3 flavor sample pack.

Image: Danilo Rizzuti /

Monday, June 20, 2011

VSG surgery Gotein product review and Giveaway

The peeps over at Gotein sent me out a box of freebies, portable sticks of protein powder that you can stick in your purse or your gym bag and mix with a bottle of water for an instant shake. The portability is a HUGE selling point, but if you're anything like me and you can park a Prius in your purse, this one is kinda lost on you.

I will tell you that the idea of protein shake in a stick sounded about as appetizing as dehydrated turkey comb and rooster foot stew in a pouch. Full of protein? Yes. Full of deliciousness? Not really so sure about that. But Gotein sent them to me, so I was absolutely going to try them.

I wanted to use refrigerated water, so I took bottles of Ozarka that had been sitting in my fridge overnight and made the shakes with them. I poured out a little bit of the water and tried to put all of the Gotein in, but it wouldn't fit. I got a spoon to try to help the process, but I just made a powdery wet mess all over the counter. As far as the shake itself, it took WAY to long to shake up and there were floaters all through it. It was pretty much the same for all three bottles. Then...I ACTUALLY READ THE DAMN DIRECTIONS!!!
Vanilla had a do over!
Oops, sorry. User error y'all. I hadn't actually poured out enough water.

Once I poured out the correct amount, what was watery and uninspired turned into protein shake OMG!THISISREALLYGOOD-ness.

All of the shakes run a little on the less-sweet side of the spectrum. The strawberry has REAL strawberries*, the chocolate kinda tasted like Quick to me, while the vanilla was a little blah to me. However, once I hit the vanilla with a packet of Truvia, that was the catalyst that it needed to take it over the edge. I seriously liked all three of them. even my friend who doesn't drink protein shakes ever had to agree that the vanilla+truvia was the shiznit. I think they've officially made me a fanboy.

Incredible flavor
NO aftertaste
No grit
Did I mention that they taste great?
No really, they're goooood.
Very portable

A teeny bit pricey, but right now they have a 20% off coupon code-MED05 Click the link on the upper right to check them out.
I don't have more of the stuff.
Well, I actually DO have more of the stuff, but is for one of you!

To enter for your chance to win your very own trio of Gotein protein powders that have been sitting on MY very own KITCHEN TABLE!!!!! and very likely sniffed by my pet, here's what you gotta do.

Comment on this post for one entry.
Follow this blog via email subscription or Google friend connect.
Follow me on twitter for another.
Like the Waning Woman fb page
Like Gotein on fb and tell them I sent you!
Spread the contest like buttah and tell your peeps about it on fb, blog, twitter, etc

That's a total of 6 entries! Make sure that in your comment, you tell me how many of the above you've done so you can be properly credited. If you have privacy concerns, just shoot me an email ( my name at gmail) and we can work something out.

Good luck!

*the strawberries were likely sourced from an intergalactic strawberry cloning station cause that shake is OUT OF THIS WORLD.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

VSG surgery Gotein and Weight loss

??8.0 146 pounds lost to date!

*waving at my newest follower Angel* I don't know why, but I will absolutely take it. I've not been to the gym in a few weeks, I've been eating out like crazy, not really on my protein shakes like I have been in the past, but my body has just wanted to let go of the weight. I'm happy about it, but a bit nervous at the same time. Its been a long time since I've woken up two days in a row weighing less and an even longer time since I woke up 1.2 lbs lighter than I did the day before. I feel like I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and this will all be some ridiculously nefarious scheme cooked up by the Evil Scale Genie. He's a frenemy of the highest order. Sure, sometimes he'll let me devour fantastically delicious PANCAKES AND BACON!!!! cupcakes and then magically whoosh away all of the calories with a nod, a wink, and a snap in a Z formation. But then, being the twat that he is, he will dangle pretty little numbers right in front of my face and then cruelly snatch them back while laughing all the while. His oxygen is in the desperation and despair floating on the air of my defeated sighs. He's just like that. Anyway, I hope he can diminish his decidedly devilish delight in doing dastardly deeds just this ONE time. He's gotta let me keep it.

On another news front, I was contacted by the peeps over at Gotein to see if I'd like to do a product review. Are you kidding? Of course I'd like to do a product review! Well, I just got my package in the mail and not only did Gotein send enough for a product review, but enough for me to send out to one of yall to try. So stay tuned for a product review and contest coming up really, really soon.

Monday, June 13, 2011

VSG surgery Friends and Company

??? rushed out of the house, so no weight

On my last post, I said I was gonna try not weighing, but that only lasted for that day. I shoulda known better. Some people weigh, some people don't. I'm in the latter. Daily weighing works for me. I'm crazy if I do, but I'm even crazier of I don't.
"Hello, I am Waning Woman and I am a weigher"
Accepting that I is what I is and moving on. :-)

I'd like to say hello to 3 of  my newest followers followers Lee Ann, Kalisha, and Nancygans. Welcome to the jungle! There are lions, and tigers, and bears, a few cougars, a coupla monkeys and a giraffe or two, but none of them bite unless provoked. Oh wait, I forgot about Michelle, she absolutely DOES bite. I have a series of rabies shots and a weeping wound as proof. Just stay the hell away from her. Kaitlyn, I am happy to add, does not bite at all and is quite docile.

This weekend I went to another BBGC support group meeting and our speaker was Travis Waddell ake Token, an endurance athlete extraordinaire chock full of great information. Seriously, this guy really knows his stuff. Even my anti-running ass (Yall know that the only thing I'm EVER gonna run is my mouth) thoroughly enjoyed the presentation. The BBGC support isn't all about bitchy women and cupcakes. *GASP*
There was an early morning walk/run *Bigger GASP*
And actual men *Biggest GASP ever* in attendance
If you're in the DFW area, check out the next meeting for yourself.

After the support group, a bunch of us trekked over to Desta, a superb Ethiopian restaurant, for fanstastic food and fellowship. Between bites of lamb and beef, we chatted about everything from our surgeries to sock titties and everything in between.
For most of the people in attendance, it was their very first time having Ethiopian cuisine, and we had a 99% success rate! I'm pretty sure that just about everybody walked away believing in the epicness that is Ethiopian food. Thank you Shana for pulling this all together.

I don't wanna give away too much but there may or may not have been bench warrants, naked twister, karaoke, marriage proposals, a missing persons report,weird men in plaid shirts, beer pong, trespassing, a homicide, and weeping wounds. Well, I will tell you about the homicide. My phone died a tragic and watery death at the hands of an unknown assailant and is now sexing 40 virgins with Bin Laden. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the other Michelle but I do have a sneaking suspicion about who the culprit was. I don't have any hard evidence, but I'm sure that with my super sleuthing skills, my team of bloodhounds, and my crotch identification software I can figure out who took the last picture on my phone and nab the bad guy.
Aren't these smoking?! Somebody buy them for me in orange

Anyway, I'm finna head off to bed, but before I do I'm gonna pick up my shoes that have been sitting right where I left them for the last 24 hours. Its not my fault that I came in, kicked them off and went right to bed. Blame the BBGC.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

VSG surgery French fries and Onion rings

?? No weight. I think I'm gonna try not weighing and see how that works for me.

I've been away for a while taking care of family stuff and over the weekend I had to make a round trip to my hometown and I've been nonstop since. In just a few more days I will be making another round trip so the  scarcity of posts isn't because I don't love you guys.
I was  actually gonna show you my whole face today, but Sleevie blacked my eye

Traveling is a sure fire way to mess up your way of eating, especially if you're lazy and inefficient. Having stressors is a sure fire way to mess up your way of eating, especially if you're lazy and inefficient. I can't shake the case of the layzeez and inefficiementness that I have! Being the model wls patient* that I am I know that I should prepare, pack, and be proactive. Instead what did my ass do? Yours truly packed her sexy shoes but not her ppi or healthy snacks, prepared not a damn thing, and instead of being proactive was reactive. As a result, Sleevie and I had a knock down, drag out cause he accused me of being selfish and superficial AND I have the bruises to prove it. I was thisclose to filing charges, but then I realized that they couldn't haul him to jail without taking my ass with him. Calling the police on your organs is just plain dumb.

My eating has been all over the place. Its not been all bad, but I've been eating a more craptacular foodstuff than I'd like to admit. Too many starchy, sugary, non-delicious foods. Non-delicious being the operative word.
Cheap ass, off brand sugar cookies...grossness
Sorta soggy, lukewarm french fries...  blech
Sad, cold onion rings...crap
Too much mindless bueno
 I've said before, I'm not opposed to eating carby treats in moderation, but these aren't treats. In fact, I didn't even enjoy them. I was just eating them. If I'm going to eat something I need to be accountable and in the moment. I knew FULL WELL what I was doing when I ate that pancakes and bacon cupcake the other day, and it was exponential bliss! It was like a little tiny angel crawled right up in my mouth and french kissed each and every one of by taste buds. Not one iota of guilt did I have after I polished that off. The stuff that I've eaten over the past few days, I regret. Well maybe regret is too strong of a word, but you get the idea. All I can do is dust myself off, refocus, and recommit.

I'mma get it together like virgin legs, yall! I'm starting off tomorrow with a healthy breakfast and a P-L-A-N.

*disclaimer-I am a model** and a weight loss surgery patient, not a model weight loss surgery patient
**disclaimer on disclaimer-Okay, okay, I'm not a model either

Thursday, June 2, 2011

VSG surgery Curves Review


My gym membership has expired and I've tried doing some stuff around the house but I don't get the burn that I need. I don't want to renew it until PT is ready to start going because it works out to be a lot cheaper to get the family plan. So what is a girl of limited means to do?  
I am going to exhaust every free trial of every single gym in a twenty mile radius. My first stop was Curves.

I went in there yesterday and the girl at the desk was nice enough. A little frumpy looking and definitely in need of a better bra, but nice enough. She sat me down, asked me a number of questions-Why didn't I want to go back to my old gym? Did my doctor know I was exercising? Had I ever had a weight problem? Do you have a support system? Is someone making you work out? I obligingly answered them, even though I thought a few of them were just a bit nosy. After our 5 minute Q and A, she immediately got out her paper and pen and started scribbling out the price structures on their 2 memberships plans. A year paid up in advance was 400 something and the month to month was 49.00 down and around 34 bucks a month. Whoa, whoa, whoa Nelly!

ww-"I'd like to get my free one week trial if that's ok. I don't want to commit to anything just yet."
her-"Mmmm, well. Ok. I can only offer you the discounted enrollment of 49 dollars on your very first visit here. If you chose to join up after this, it will be the regular rate of 99 dollars."
her-"Well, here is some more paperwork to fill out."
...2 minutes later...
her-"Well would you like to schedule a time to come back so I can show you how to work the circuit?"
me, CLEARLY dressed in my workout clothes and ready to go-"Why not now?"

Sooo we went around the circuit. She did a good job explaining the machines, so if somebody came in and had no idea what to do, they wouldn't be intimidated. I give her an A for that. As we went around the circuit though, she said a few things that made my bullshit meter go off though. For one she said that I the machines would scale up to my fitness level and as I progresses I would never have to worry about outdoing the machine. Really? Cause I just almost broke your shoulder press machine back there. There is an upper limit to the amount of resistance that they can provide.
After we went around the circuit together, I went around once on my own. I overheard the girl talking and she said that she could wear a Mavericks shirt to school and that the prinical would be ok with it. I then asked her what school she worked at. "Oh no," she replied. "I'm in high school. I graduate this year." Things that make you go hmmm.
Once I was done with that I went to the stretching area.
They have this giant steel structure that looks like it belongs in a swinger's club. It is the absolute best part of Curves! Once I was done with that, I felt super limber and relaxed and ready to go. I said my goodbyes and told them I'd see them tomorrow.

Here are the pros:
If you're pressed for time, you get right in and get right out. 30 minutes isn't too long.
Its all women, so you don't have to worry about creepy guys.
If you're just starting out exercising, the level will be enough to work you out without scaring you off.
That stretching station is THE TRUTH!

Here are the cons:
They immediately went into the sale without showing me around. Major deduction.
There was a freaking high schooler there running the place.
If you've worked out with weights, the resistance machines WILL NOT be enough. I didn't even break a sweat.
No childcare.
For the monthly rate you could go somewhere that offers more than just a circuit and a few 5lb weights.
Irregular hours of operation. 

Overall, if you are a gym newbie its a good fit, otherwise spend your hard earned money somewhere else.
Image: Idea go /

Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics


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