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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

VSG surgery Heartburn and PPI's

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JEEESUS be a sweet, gentle, acid reducing breeze and deliver me from the pain a-churnin up in my belly. Heartburn, gastrointestinal reflux disease, GERD, whatever the hell you want to call it , is NO fun at all. This is something that reared its head after surgery as I never had heartburn before. I may have talked about this before, but its bad right now and I felt compelled to write about it.

Part of the problem IS partly part of a teensy, weesy, modicum of a part that is partly my fault. I've fallen out of the habit of taking my pills at the same time everyday. For about the past week, I've been taking my PPI, proton pump inhibitor as I feel my heartburn. As these are not intended for immediate symptom relief, I'm pretty much screwing myself. While they last longer, they have a delayed onset. I've got to get a steady level in my system and keep it there. Anyway, here's some A and P for you:


There once was Proton Pump who lived in the city of Gastric Lumen. He was a hard working family man and did everything that he could do to provide for his family. Proton Pump was the last stop in gastric acid production and his job was secreting H+ ions so that Stomach could do its job, churning food in an acidic environment to break it down. An acidic environment is needed to denature proteins and kill any pathogens that may be unfortunate enough to have made the trip down Esophagus Lane. So day in and day out, Proton Pump churned out the acid like the good worker drone that he was. Unfortunately, he didn't get the memo that Stomach had downsized (almost 85%) and that his work wasn't needed anymore. Stomach couldn't deal with the over production and it was actually running outside of the county lines into other jurisdictions. Proton Pump was sent a cease and desist letter, Dear John, a severance package worth several million dollars, AND insurance for him and his kiddos. But because Proton Pump couldn't read he just threw it all in the trash thinking that it was another letter from Nigeria cause that's the only mail he'd ever gotten in his life. So Stomach did what it had to do and called in the big guns, Proton Pump Inhibitors, the most feared gang in all of Gastric Lumen. The PPI's are BAAAD muthamuthas. They'll ride into town, guns blazing, bikes a-smoking and murdalize the poor defenseless Proton Pump with nary a wink or a sigh. Once they got a hold of Proton Pump they cut off his fingers stuck them up his butt and poor little Proton Pump was irreparably and irreversibly damaged, never able to secrete H+ again. Eventually though, his sons, tenacious and unwavering stepped into their father's old position and starteded making H+ again. THIS is why I have to be on my game all the time. The PPI gang kills the production ability of the enzymes, but the body is always there to replace to impotent ones with new copies.






Proton Pump and his sons!

Anyway, I done learned yall enough today. Stay tuned tomorrow for more fancy book learning including riffmatic and times tables.

Don't forget to comment on the Gotein post for your chance to win a 3 flavor sample pack.

Image: Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

10 comments:

  1. Kristy ValentineJune 22, 2011 at 8:20 PM

    Cute. You do know it is PROTON pump inhibitor not protein pump inhibitor, right? I have fought acid issues for years and I am very thankful for my little purple pill (nexium).

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  2. I talk about my dependence on Nexium & how I'll never let it go!

    I LOVED ur story! I laughed thru the entire post.

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  3. How come I didn't get a glass of warm milk with my bedtime story?

    The one good thing about the band is it resolved my gerd. I was actually aspirating on it for years. So I know what you mean and I sympathize completely....ps. loved the story princess weirdo pooky buttons.

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  4. @Ms Valentine The crazy thing is I actually do know that. I don't know if it was some weird auto correct or something. Thank you so much for pointing that out.

    @bbm Yeah, I SO need to get back on the #vitamintrain.

    @chrissy I didn't know you liked warm milk but I can assure you that nect time I'll have it ready for you :-)
    Love Always, Princess Weirdo Pooky Buttons

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  5. I learn so much better from stories like this. You're so funny and creative. I can dig it!

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  6. You are hilarious. I love it.

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  7. protonix... it has saved the esophagus much pain and misery. Its on duty 24/7. Little pill case (like that of a 70 yr old woman) holds those dear lil gems, along with the sleeping pills, xanax, iron, vit D, B12, and other varios aresnal type pills to fight brain and body. Got to bed, pop pills, never forget.

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  10. They'll ride into town, guns blazing, bikes a-smoking and murdalize the poor defenseless Proton Pump with nary a wink or a sigh. Once they got a hold of Proton Pump they cut off his fingers stuck them up his butt and poor little Proton Pump was irreparably and irreversibly damaged, never able to secrete H+ again. Free PPI Claims

    ReplyDelete

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