Click the links below for more info. You know you wanna do it!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

If this works...

....that means that I've found a temporary workaround to the problem that I've been having with Blogger all week. I cannot preview or publish posts! Ugh this has been beyond frustrating. Being unable to blog for an entire week is just not something I'm ok with. I wasn't locked up for grand theft cake or indecent exposure, I wasn't hospitalized for Ethiopian food overdose so not blogging for a week in un accepti-FUCKING-ble. That words doesn't exactly roll off of the tongue does it? Anyway, I'm gonna be tired of this workaround solution PDQ, so if blogger can't do something to fix this HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM, I'm gonna hafta bite the bullet and take my work somewhere else. Its all I can do. This week has been one huge, fubar, clusterfuck with a case of crabs on the side...bloggingwise anyway.Lifewise? I've had some really big things happen and I want to share them with you guys, but Blogger won't let me be great.

Why is that Blogger?

Anyway, I'm gonna keep investigating ways to fix this shit.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Retirement Parties and Sleeve Love

Pay no mind to the brownie mix!

I was pretty busy last week. My mom had a retirement luncheon back in my hometown so I had to make my way back for that. For a post op trying to keep her eating game tight, there really isn't much in my parent's house that I can eat. I usually end up buying a lot of stuff while I'm there, but this past trip Mrs. Lazyandinefficient was actually proactive. I packed some stuff! I must say I am very proud of myself. Although
I didn't end up using any of the stuff that I packed, it's still a big step. It's far better to be prepared and not need it, than it is to need it and not be prepared. Somebody buy me a cupcake!

My little sister and I always paint the town various shades of red when I go back home. This last time was no exception. Your girl Wayonce was in the building and when I say I killed it, I murdalized it. I danced like my life depended on it....I danced like God was gonna stop making cupcakes if I missed a beat....I danced like Ethiopian food would go extinct if my feet stopped moving. I went hard like priapism and concrete boots, and when the dust settled 30 minutes later, my shirt was completely soaked...and it was cotton too. It was actually kinda gross, but I didn't care because I was having fun. That has been one of the best parts of losing weight-being able to peel back all of layers and find the me that was always hiding under there.Getting to the center of this Tootsie Pop has been an adventure to say the least.
I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I was not a happy fat! (it is a little sugar coated if I'm comparing myself to a Tootsie Pop) I think that most people who say that they are fat and happy are lying to themselves or just don't know any better because they've never felt what it's like on this side. I was tired and achy and miserable and sluggish. Life then wasn't all bad, but life is certainly better on this side. Gosh darnit, this is turning into a roses and rainbows, gay unicorn, sparkles and sequins kinda post. I'm really having an iHeartMySleeve kinda moment. I'm not going to apologize for it, damn it! This is how I'm feeling today, so that's all that matters. The Gastric Sleeve has brought about some incredibly positive changes in my life.

I heart my sleeve.
I puffy heart my sleeve.
I puffy heart with glitter heart my sleeve.
I puffy heart with glitter made out of fondant on top of a cupcake heart my sleeve.
I puffy heart with glitter made out of fondant on top of a cupcake that I ate and is now in mah belly my heart my sleeve.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Money Woes and Lawyers

Seeking Rich Person:. Age unimportant, sex unimportant, mobility unimportant. Looks? Definitely unimportant.

You could look like a bearded, 3 toed, crested, moosegoatsalamander who's just ending their day shift at the Freaks and Oddities side show.
You could look like a Puerto Rican chupacabra a few days off of a goat blood bender.
You could even look like THIS!
I just need for you to send me money! In exchange I will keep penning faboosh blog posts for your enjoyment and I will send you an autographed picture of my other eye. Now that I don't think about it, you don't even have to be rich. Just send me 85 percent of your take home pay.
Thanks, BBGCdancingQueen1511DFW

I'm not sure if that will fly on, but I figure its worth a try. What do you think?

For those of you that haven't been around here very long, I was in two car accidents in a very short period of time. Neither was my fault as I actually had a green light both times. Well, I've been waiting on the first settlement, patiently I might add, and waiting...and waiting...and waiting. Exhausted with not hearing anything, I finally called this morning. To make a long story short the amount of money that Allstate is offering isn't going to leave me much of anything.About the only way I can come out of this with something is to leave some bills unpaid. Sigh. Between the overbilling, Allstate's spectacularly shiteous offer, and the lawyers fees there isn't much left for me. Fortunately, the firm WILL NOT take home more than I will, so that's a huge plus. I was counting on that money to get some important things that I've been putting off for while- eye exam, new glasses, probation fees from that Duff Goldman stalking case. On top of that, I was planning on going to NYC with a chunk of it. Ugh.
Well, sitting here blogging about is making me feel a little bit better. The desire to murdalize people is waning (plural cause Wells Fargo pissed me off, too) so I'm gonna channel this energy and use it for good. Off to procure some vittles for dinner.

Image: Salvatore Vuono /

Friday, July 15, 2011

Random thoughts and Stilettos

Hello ladies and gents. I'm sitting here at my computer desk trying to figure out where this blog entry is going to take me today. I've got a lot on my mind, but I'm still not over the The Mysterious Case of Nojo. Nojo makes it kinda hard to formulate my thoughts and because you probably already look at your computer screen and scratch your head when reading my stuff, I don't want to confound you an further than need be. Confusteration doesn't inspire confidence...whatever THAT means. I just like the way it sounds.

I managed to peel myself out of bed and go to the gym today. Normally, I hit up this hybrid stair stepper/elliptical, but my legs are still reeling from the squats I did the other day and I knew that would have been just a wee bit too much. I hit the track instead, and as I was walking I got to thinking about the Walk From Obesity in which I will be participating (AND I NEED MORE DONATIONS since you asked and all!!!)
Do I need to train for a 3 mile walk? I don't think its too far to walk, but I don't know. I'm fairly sure that I could walk three miles, but I hope the people I'm walking with don't be going all fast and stuff. lol. I'm serious. Unless there is a 3 tiered cake for the winner, I am taking my sweet time..... Now I'm thinking about CAAAKE! I would elbow children and senior citizens with no shame if the first prize was a cake. Knock em down like bowling pins and keep it moving!! I would tell y'all about the time that the thing happened to that one kid who ate my cake, but I'm pleading the 5th. You will not see my headless mugshot on Nancy Grace. No siree! But with this being the Walk FROM Obesity and not "towards", there ain't gonna be no cake.And if they do have a cake, the cake will be lie. Anyway, I think that it will be safe for all chirruns and old folks to come out that day.

These shoes are fiyah!
Now that I'm 83.699% sure that I can walk 3 miles. I need to know if I can walk 3 miles in heels. Now I can do all kinds of things in heels. I'm a triple OG on the stiletto, so bad I can skate on heels! What you know about that? I can do 50+ things in my heels and I have at least 6 people who can vouch for me. There are several drunks, a few bartenders, a guy in a plaid shirt, and one woman of ill repute( I think she was a woman. She was rather hirsute) who can also testify to my skillz with tha heelz, but these aforementioned 6 are morally upright citizens (HA!), so their words carry a little weight. Anyway, here's a picture of my rocking some heels that I WON'T be walking three miles in. They're cute, but that's about all they are.
My parents will be here soon, so I gotta get up off of my bum and be the productive wife and citizen that they are so proud of.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Recipe: Crispy Pan Fried Ricotta Cakes aka Low Carb Falafel

Yesterday, while looking in the fridge, I came across a carton of ricotta cheese that was way past it's expiration date. It hadn't been opened and I knew it wouldn't be a biohazard, so I decided right then and there I was going to make something, anything with that ricotta cheese. The problem was, I had no idea what.

Ricotta bakes and bites and nibbles are all the rage in the low carb/wls world so I didn't want to take that recipe and just jazz it up. Sure, ricotta bites with celery plantain slaw and grape jelly coulis on a potato juice reduction sounds divine, (Well, maybe it doesn't sound all that divine-that's just all the stuff I have in my fridge) but it's still a ricotta bite. You can smack it up, flip it, rub it down, but it is what it is. I was bound and determined to do something brand new. My eyes started scanning the kitchen, the gears in brain got to working.....
And you know what? I think I managed to pull it off! If you follow the directions exactly, including the part about spinning the egg counterclockwise, the resulting product will be nutty, delicious, crispy, goodness.

Faux-lafel or Crispy Pan Fried Ricotta Cakes.

1 cup of ricotta cheese
the Parmesan blend that I used
3/8 cup of shredded Parmesan cheese
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tsp garlic
1/8 cup minced onion blessed by a shaman
1/2 tsp cumin
dash of salt and pepper
5 Wasa crackers
1egg spun counterclockwise and slightly beaten
oil for frying
optional- reconstituted, dehydrated virgin sweat

1. Crush the Wasa crackers and set them aside.
2. In a mixing bowl, combine the first 6 ingredients until blended.
3. Once mixed stir in the egg and Wasa crackers until you have a slightly crumbly dough.

The mixture after everything is added
One of the Wasa crackers
4. Add enough oil to a skillet to cover the bottom.  Heat on medium low. This is important because the will brown very quicky.
5. Shape the mixture into fairly thin patties. If they stick to your hands too much, wet your hands and the process will be a lot less messy. Place about 4 patties into the skillet. Once they are golden brown, about 2-4 minutes depending on the size, carefully flip patties over to the other side and cook an additional 2-4 minutes.
6. Remove from the skillet, drain on paper towels, and Voila.

These are really freaking good!

I didn't make a dip, but they would probably be great with a raita, tzatziki or another suitably delicious creamy yogurt based dipping sauce.
You really have to try this one.

Monday, July 11, 2011

VSG surgery: Sweet and Sow-er

Nojo- the opposite of mojo.

I just made that word up and I'm claiming it. If you see anyone using nojo in the aforementioned context immediately issue a cease and desist order, buss them in the head with a mallet, and then call me so I can send in my team of goons to finish up the job. Other words on the cease and desist list are murdalize and confusterated so keeps yo eyeses peeled for other unauthorized usages of my verbage.

Nojo is running its course through my body right now, meandering like a wayward spirit. By now, it has probably run into that glass of prosecco that I had yesterday and the slice-n-bake cookies.....with aerosol frosting.
Oh yeah Cheez-its, be sure to formally introduce yourself when Nojo passes you by. A curtsey would be nice should you have the energy to muster up one.
Little Bit of Extra Weight, could you be a dear please and lay out a spread of carby, processed sweets for our visitor? No? You feel fat and sluggish, you say.....*sigh*.. Me, too. But I know what will make me feel better, Little Bit. You want in on my secret? Ok, I'll tell you...Donut holes. You know, the hair of the dog that bit you kind of thing.
What do you mean that doesn't make sense. That does make sense. I feel fat and sluggish, so stuffing myself with a few donut holes will make me feel better...Okay 4 donut holes...Wait 8....Shit! The bag is gone.
Oh well, I feel better. See I told you. You're not sentient in the first place, so you can't make sense.......Wait. Something is happening. No I don't feel better. I felt better. I feel fat-er and sluggish-er and nojo-er and sow-er.....*double sigh*

I gotta shake this.
I'm finna go to the gym.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

VSG Surgery: Isopure Smoothie Review

"Damn, I'd pay money for this!" PT exclaimed after his first sip of the Berry Pomegranate smoothie. "This is absolutely the best product you've reviewed." "Let me see," I replied as I quickly snatched the cup from his hand. "Oh shit, this is really good!"
And that how my first experience with Isopure smoothies played out-with a bang and an expletive! Not unlike the first time PT introduced me to his mother. "Ay Dios mio, muchacho!"

That bottle is LONG gone. I weep for it every morning.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I still think that a protein supplement product's gotta taste like discarded cow parts. In the not too distant past, they DID taste like that. Isopure hit warp speed and pulled WHEY away from the rest of the pack with these futuristically awesome smoothies! This is some 2020 type ish right here.

The smoothies come in 3 flavors-Berry Pomegranate, Orange Peach, and Orange Berry each made with real fruit puree. For the review though, I'm gonna base my nutrition stats on the Orange Peach because that's the bottle I have sitting in front of me as I type this.

Lets start with the facts:
It is packed with 32 grams of PROTEIN!
Real fruit puree is one of the top three ingredients right after filtered water and whey.
210 Calories
9g of sugar
3g of fiber
Aspartame free.
Lactose Free.
Great source of Omega-3's

Now here's where my 2 cents kicks in.
This stuff is really, really, good. It's light with a pronounced peach flavor and a slight yogurt tang. I don't really taste a lot of the orange, but that's not really a plus or a negative. One thing I don't taste is the protein. That assy bovine essence that lurks in other shakes/supplements isn't here at all!! This smoothie tastes like it's populated with baby angel cows. It's that light and delicious! For the record, baby angel cows taste like sunshine and what could only be described as "winning".
The peach smell,which hit me square in the nose, is pleasant and not artificial at all. In fact I'm sitting here sniffing the empty bottle as I write this, inhaling the bereaved memories of this beloved smoothie that is very likely R.I.P-ing in my duodenum right now. Ahhhh.

There really is no point for me to do individual reviews on Berry Pomegranate or Orange Berry, cause there is nothing I can say about them that hasn't already been said about Orange Peach. They're all FANTASTIC! My favorite is Berry Pomegranate, but do not despair Orange Peach and Orange Berry. This is the Protein Supplement Olympics and you're taking silver and bronze! This stuff is the best of the best. Thanks for sending these out Isopure, I am officially in love.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

VSG surgery: Cheese stuffed peppers recipe

I post quite a few of my culinary creations on the FB fan page and inevitably in the comments there will be "Give me the recipe!" So that's exactly what I'm doing today. The recipe is easy, definitely WLS friendly, low carb, and even the normies in my life like it. Here we go! Let the ingredient round up commence!!

Sweet Peppers
Handful of John Soules fajita chicken
1 box cream cheese-softened
1/2 block of cheddar cheese (the small one) grated
Handful of mozzarella or another cheese ( i used 5 Italian cheese blend)
about 1/4 cup of feta
1/2 teaspoon of garlic
dash of oregano  
optional sliced almonds  
optional 1/2 of a jalapeno for color and heat
baking dish
Available at Costco or Sams. Great for quick meals!
Available at Costco or Sams, too.
Preheat oven to 350. In a bowl add all of the cheeses and the garlic and blend until mixed. Next take the chicken, mince it and add it to the cheese mixture. At this point you can add in the minced jalapeno if you chose to use it. Mix again. Take peppers and cut lengthwise. Carefully remove the seeds and any ribs as they can impart a slightly bitter flavor. Using a spoon, fill the peppers with the chicken and cheese mixture and place them in the baking dish.
Used a few jalapenos cause I had them on hand. They're the long ones
Once you've filled it up, top the peppers with almonds and pop it in the oven for 30 to 45 minutes or so. After that time, remove from the oven and.... Voila
Mmmm. They're really good
Happy cooking!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

VSG surgery: Dallas Walk from Obesity

I'm doing it. I'm really doing it.
My ass, as lazy and inefficient and I may be has signed up for the Dallas Walk from Obesity, an event designed to raise money and bring awareness of obesity. This isn't me, I don't sign up for anything or pay money in advance. I certainly don't walk ESPECIALLY for causes. That "growing up" I was talking about a few posts ago might be more real than I first thought.

If you're a a twitter user, you might know that one of the recent trending topics was #fatpeoplenightmares. There was a lot of hate lobbed around and one of my good friends was called a bitch, a DUMB one at that. It was absolutely insane. The hate is just heartbreaking.
There is no compassion for the obese. They are fat and lazy and worthless and ugly and smelly and disgusting and......and all they have to do is just get up off of the couch, put down the remote, stop filling their fat mouths'. That's ALL they have to do.
Really? If it were that easy, do you really think that there would be as many obese people as there are?

On of the reasons for obesity is that we are hard wired to eat. Why does a fat person eat? They don't really have to cause they have plenty of calories stored up in their fat. They eat because its a biological imperative. Our DNA tells us to store food for times of famine, but now there is NO famine. There is a burger joint on one corner, a bakery up the street, a fried chicken shack around the way, pizza that will be on your doorstep in LESS THAN 30 MINS!! None of these require you to expend any energy at all to acquire them. Our DNA let us survive the long, bleak, barren seasons-the fat people of today were the survivors and thrivers of a time not long past. But environmental change has far outpaced the change in our DNA.

I'm not really an activist, but maybe something is changing. My weight loss surgery journey started as one thing and now its morphing into another. While I haven't been able to quantify it, it is real. The 7-10 lbs that I want to lose aren't for any reason other than I want to see a particular number on the scale; they won't make a difference in the quality of my life. This 3 mile walk, this sojourn of solidarity and support and sisterhood just might make a difference is somebody's.
Please support me and help me reach my fundraising goals.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

VSG Surgery: Hash Browns and Pantries

Sans Script Saturday
Spaghetti squash hash browns
FYI, I just found my quinoa pasta after looking at this pic-lower right corner
Any recipe ideas taking a peek at some of my stuff?

Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics


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