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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Physical and Emotional Feelings

there's about to be some weepin and a'wailin
There has been a lot of crazy in the last 24 hours, and were it not for this fast, I'm sure that there would have been some cupcake's familes in upheaval cause I ate their grandaddies or mamas or aunties. That wouldn't be good, cause then the leftovers in the cupcake clan would be all weepy and phlegmy. Crying cupcakes don't make for good cupcakes because the tears make them all soggy and salty and the phlegm makes them just fucking nasty. It is best to just just mass murdalize the whole family and take them all out of their misery
.
Cupcake death could end up being my own death by cupcake though. My stomach is a terrible mess right now, part queasy, part crampy and shoving cupcakes down my gullet would probably spell disaster. Assplosion and projectile vomiting are activities that are frowned upon in the Waning Woman household. If they're not frowned upon in yours, then you must have been raised in some freaky fetish commune on the outskirts of San Fransisco.
I think about food AAALL day long, and then when itf finally is time to eat, I have food apathy or I can barely get anything in. Soooo on top of potentially dying from body function related death from my body forcibly evicting food from my body, if i do manage to keep it it down, my sleeve capacity is damn near zero...zilch...nada. Serious restriciton. The other day I had a small, small bowl of soup and I was so full, it was hours before I could have water. That hasn't happened to me since I was a postop newbie. That's one reason that I can't/won't break my fast

No matter how tempting it would be to stuff my feelings with food, I just can't. Were this not Ramadan and just another Wednesday in another month and I had the same of foundation shaking crazy that I've got going on now. I would have cracked like a plumber made out of glass who was hitting the hooter with Whitney Houston and fell off of the same wall that Humpty was sitting on. That's a lot of crack! 
It's easy to say that the most important person in your life is you, but how many times have you let yourself down? Lied to yourself? I'm leaning on and drawing strength from something that I can't let down.
Fasting is bigger than myself.
No, let me edit that.
Fasting for the right reasons is bigger than myself.
Fasting for the right reasons gives me the willpower to fight myself.

img source

4 comments:

  1. Fasting is definitely worth more than the urge to medicate with food. You go this, mamas. I'm with you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Man I'm sorry the past 24 have been so sucky sweetie. lm glad you have the fast to help you stay strong. Don't worry you'll get past it all stronger for it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks Vanita and Angel. Always there holding me down!

    ReplyDelete
  4. If this were a true story, I wouldn't be laughing. *Silence* *Silence* *Crickets in the silence*

    Ohhhh....

    Hugs.

    ReplyDelete

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