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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Shoes and Dresses

Wordless Wednesday


Werk bish!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Awards, Voting and The Blah's

  So, I'm not feeling all that good in my body right now. I feel sluggish, fat and bloated, and gross. There is no other way to describe it. I've been a little "off" since my whirlwind trip to Nola and Atlanta and I don't know what's taking me so long to get back to normal. I'm stuck on page 10 of "Waning Woman and The Mysterious Case of the Nojo"

For the most part, I'm a daily weigher and that helps keep me on track. It might not work for you, but it does for me, so I don't want to hear shit about it. Yesterday though, I'd made up my mind that I'd gained weight and I just wasn't gonna get on the scale. I just didn't have the headspace to deal with a gain. This morning, I was still equally convinced, but I told myself that I had to face reality. Putting your head in the sand is a sure fire way to end up fat again, so I decided that I couldn't have another ostrich day.
I wasn't nearly as happy as this ostrich.

I stripped bare and tossed my unmentionables on the floor.
I tapped the scale with one foot and waited she coldy flashed her series of dashes at me.
After she zeroed out, I eased one foot onto her.....*wince*....and then the other.
And after what seemed to be an agonizingly long time.......

What the hell??! I actually lost weight!

I didn't gain a stitch of weight in New Orleans and this is my lowest, non fasting weight. I don't understand why what I feel in my body is so disconnected from reality. Why the crazy?

WHY THE CRAZY!!??!! *in my best crazy, cross eyed, NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!!, Ajax flinging, cold cream slathered, Faye Dunaway/Joan Crawford voice*

WHY THE CRAZY??!?!? *in my best mothball smelling, code enforcement calling, STOP PICKING UP MY PECANS ON THE SIDEWALK!!!!, cat lady, spinster voice*

Since I have no answers, maybe you do.

In the middle of typing this, I received word that I was nominated in 3 categories for Diva Taunia's Backstage WLS Awards!!!

Favorite Sleever!
Best WLS friendly recipe for my Crispy Pan Fried Ricotta Cakes!
Overall Best WLS Chick!

Vote for Me. I'm going to shamelessly plug myself. I'm going to buy ad space on some lucky post ops batwings and I'm sure there is at least one of you that will wear a "Vote for Waning Woman" shirt..ala Pedro of course. Is buying commercial time on DWTS overkill? Anywho, I have a conference call with Dubya. I need to brush up on the fine art of election stealing.

Image: anankkml /

Friday, September 16, 2011

Seatbelts and Airplanes

This is short and sweet! I had a great time in New Orleans. I'll tell you more about it on Monday, but I just had to share this pic with you now. I couldn't wait.

my legs look skinny. hmmm.

You see all of that slack in that seatbelt?!

That is WINNING!

I don't really need to say anything else.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Patron and Saints

 So let me tell yall the crazy shit right off the top. I must have pissed off the Patron Saint of the Roads cause my Black ass can't catch a break! I was rear ended on Saturday, and not in the good way. Jesus! Well, maybe I shouldn't say "Jesus". Maybe I shouldn't use any exclamatory statements that involve Judeo-Christian icons.  Jesus was a firebrand and I shouldn't really be on his bad side. I can just hear the way that people talked about Jesus back in the day.
" Ugh, he always up in hurr messin with folks. All we tryin to do is have a good time, drink a little drank, and play these dice and he come runnin up in hurr flippin tables and stuff. He really needs to chill wit all that mess!" I'm done. Stay tuned for next weeks episode of "Pookie and Quinteranetta's New Millennium Bible Interpretations" Anyway....
It was a minor, minor accident. No airbags deployed so we're all good. Just gonna take it to the body shop and let them do what they do.

....16 hours later....

Well, I'm finally back. I dropped my car off, picked up the rental, went to eat lunch with PT, shopped, shopped, and shopped. My clothes were literally falling off of me and I needed some for a special trip. Do you know where I'm going? Do you want to know? ...Hmmmm?...... Yours truly is heading to the Big Easy for the Obesity Help conference!  Did you hear that? If you're there, you will actually get to see my entire face for the low, low price of 24.99. Anyway, you can't call yourself the Queen of all Black People, Wayonce, God's Gift to the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy, the Patron Saint of All Things Cake, the Dancing Queen, the..the....the and step up in New Orleans looking a hot ass mess. If you declare that you are indeed the shit, you better be THE shit and not A shit and certainly not AN shit. Soooo I have assembled an Antoine Merriweather approved, 3 snaps in a Z formation, , clutch yo pearls wardrobe Gah-ron-teed (that's my Louisiana accent) to induce the fever. I'm so ready! I hope New Orleans is like a Zatarains' commerical.
...4 hours later....

This has to be the most piecemeal blog entry I've ever composed. I'm so busy washing clothes and all that jazz that I've stopped and started this thing more times than I can count. Oh yeah, both Premier Nutrition and Chike sent me out some stuff, but because of Ramadan I wasn't able to review the products. So in the next few weeks keep your eyeses peeled for these reviews. Oh yeah, a little birdie told me a secret. If you like Vanilla Premier RTD shakes, they will be making a limited, one time run at Costco on Sept. 26th so stock up if you love it. Ha! They're like the McRib of the ready to drink protein world.

Well, its 3:48 so I'm about to finally get off of my bum and get off of this damn computer.

Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics


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