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Thursday, November 10, 2011

Recipes and Greatness

 
    Today has been a very productive day for me. I've been in the kitchen since I woke up furiously slaving away inventing some weight loss surgery friendly recipes. Slaving might not be the best word choice. I'm Black, but there were no whips or chains in the kitchen anyway or some perverted Massa looking at my sexy Nubian ass like I'm a ribeye and he's a hungry wolf. Anyway, I've been throwing stuff together like some crazy mash up of Mr. Wizard, Eggface, and Paula Deen and the results have been nothing short of legendary. But, I'm a legend, so you can't really expect anything else but greatness.
It's not a toque, but I REALLY did cook in this hat!

Part of the reason for this burst of inspiration is the fact that one of my recipes, Crispy Pan Fried Ricotta Cakes, won an award. w00t! You know what that means? My greatness doesn't exist only in this little high heeled, big haired, sashaying universe inside my head. Knowing that you're not delusional certainly does something to lift the spirits. Speaking of spirits, somebody needs to drink a gin and tonic in my honor. I'd do it, but I'm far from finished in the kitchen and in addition to taking a stand againt drunken texting, drunken volleyball I've also taken a stand against drunken cooking. It's a huge underreported problem, people.
Back to this winning thing. Does anybody want to buy me a bouquet of cupcakes and have them sent to my house? That is what you do when people win stuff, isn't it? Give them more stuff!!! When I was a student at Madame Papillon's School for Loose Women they had an art contest. My buttercream Madonna and Child Sitting at the Bus Stop Sucking on a Lollipop sculpture took top billing. In addition to the gold medal and the "This Kid is a Winner" certificate scrawled in old people's handwriting on a sheet of looseleaf paper I got a basket FULL of stuff. There was some Geritol, some denture cream (great eyelash glue btw), a couple of 5 dollar gift certificates to Sizzler, a pair of top of the line toe nail clippers, and some Gold Bond powder ( a friend told me that it was really good for carpet burn in the middle of your back. Hey, don't judge her. Where were we going to school again?)
I relive these fond memories only to tell you to send me more stuff...more!..more!...MORE!

Well, I got some shopping to do so that I can wrap up today's Krazy Kitchen Kookoff. Adios, mis amigos.





3 comments:

  1. I have been reading your blog for some time and reading your reviews on different protein drinks and your food reviews has really opened my eyes to the way I diet. I changed up drastically, giving up white rice, just about anything fried, some fast foods, and regular noodles. Now its daily life for me and I'm loving it. I stopped with the muscle milk and going to try the last protein drinks you reviewed that I can get at Sam's/CostCo...Thanks for helping out a former "chubby guy" keep going and maintaing...Also, keep up the good work...

    From a SC admirer

    ReplyDelete
  2. Girrrrrl did you see my post Can you go from blog to business? I mention creating an ebook from your expertise and selling the sucker. I'm sure there are new Madame Papillon's School for Loose Women students who'd pay $5 for an ebook on how to treat carpet burn. Also? If you've got enough of them recipes lying around, maybe you'd like to consider an ebook of 12 healthy recipes to get through the 12 days of christmas. you could sell it for $12. Or even $6. It's a "do it once, keep making money from it" kinda thing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love your blog as usual and I'd kill someone to have those lips you have!

    Southernsleever

    ReplyDelete

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