Why hello, yall. I know it's been a month of Sundays since I blogged and I apologize. Life is still hurling full speed ahead and things have not slowed down one bit. In fact, as I type this I'm sitting at the hospital waiting for my friend to have one of two procedures today. I'm fine, but its gonna be a long, LONG, day.
Soo, can I tell you how freaking cold it is here in the Great State. Jesus, its Joan Crawford, cutting glare cause you used the wrong kind of hanger, cold. Heartless! I don't know who pissed off Jack Frost and caused him to have this queenie tantrum all over the United States, but whoever you are, please stop. I've got a new pair of heels that are way too fabulously high to be worn on ice. They don't do ice, but they do DO laminate, travertine, gravel, Bourbon St, floor in clubs with unidentified sticky substances, and upside down in the air. WOOHOO!
So one of my fellow wls bloggers nominated me for not one, but TWO blog awards.Since I've been busy fending off marriage proposals and shoe shopping, so I sent my assistant (an by assistant, I mean one of my underpaid, nimble fingered, workers that I pulled off of lint removal duty. How do you think my tights say so black?) to get it for me. Well he got lost and never came back, but you can't really blame an 8 year old for not knowing the cardinal directions. Soooooo, today I had to personally sashay over to Sheila at This One Body and retrieve the awards myself.
First off, I want to sincerely thank you, Sheila for
So here's what I gotta do.
For both awards, I gotta thank the person who nominate me, tell you 7 facts you may or may not know about yours truly, and nominate my own set of peeps. So since number one is dunzo, lets move right on ahead to number 2.......By the way, I'm totally cheating by combining the two of them.
7 Facts You May or May Not Know About Me
- I used to play the violin and I used to be really good. I don't know why I don't play any more, but I should. Maybe I'm afraid that if I pick it up again, I'll suck. Sucking is incompatible with The Waning Woman.
- I can dance until I need an IV transfusion for dehyration, but if you ask me to run a mile I swear I will die. I don't know why I'm like that, but jogging and running are impossible for me. I can dance for an hour straight, no exaggeration. Put on some Michael and I'm gonna dance the soles off my my shoes. Ask me to jog a mile and I'll cast you one of those Joan Crawford side eyes. Heartless!
- OMG! I think that those "Famous Bowls" at KFC look like the nastiest shit I've ever seen in my life. Looks like a hot pot of vomit. I promise, you could give me one of those for free and I would take it home and put it into the dog bowl. Now they have the nerve to put bacon on it?!? That is the most inappropriate use of bacon in the universe, and for that, they need to be flogged.
- Speaking of bacon, I don't think that bacon makes everything better. Before you shoot, let me explain. I think that bacon is so great, it's one of those things that need to stand alone. That's all. I'm totally #teambacon.
- This morning I tried on some size 17 Mossimo jeans and they didn't fit. Not because they were falling off, but because they were too tight in the thighs. What the hell?!
- Which leads us to fact numero seis. I am bootylicious. (thank you Shawn and Travis) Personally, I think I'm more thighlicious, but that's kinda apples and pears. They're both kinda related enough. If somebody tells you you're bootylicious, you shouldn't really protest too much. Really.....There are a lot worse things than being bootylicious. Molelicious, toelicious, or NOlicious come to mind.
- I hate that bitch in the Popeye's commercials with a passion that is reserved for people who've stolen something from me. She is my Flo. Every single time she gets on TV this with that sassy, Black woman voice talking about "You come to my kitchen, baby....." Look lady, if I come to your kitchen, I'm gonna snatch you up outta that minstrel show that you call a commercial and slap some sense into you with the wire basket outta the chicken fryer...............Or maybe not. I hate Chicken Annie, but a check is a check.
I could add lots more, but I have to save some for my own nominees to nominate. Anyway, about to go down to this cafeteria and get some vittles. Tata for now.