Click the links below for more info. You know you wanna do it!

Monday, February 28, 2011

VSG surgery Restaurants and Eating out

??3.8

Lowest weight to date!

We've been eating out a LOT. Friday was La Madeleine, Saturday wasn't home cooked whatever it was, and yesterday I went to Razzoo's with Headlights and brought food home for the boys. I used to order kids' menu stuff all the time, but none of it is WLS friendly. It's all chicken strips, mac n cheese, french fries, chicken nuggets, corn dogs, etc. Now that my elegant and refined palate can no longer bear greasy peasant food, I order something a little more WLS friendly AND palate pleasing and eat on it for a few meals.

So here's a rundown of a few of the things that I've really enjoyed this past week.

Wendy's:
The Spicy Chicken Caesar Salad is greeny, leafy goodness! A bed a crisp, romaine lettuce is the backdrop for HUGE shaved pieces of asiago cheese and a spicy, fried chicken breast. A few grape tomatoes dot the landscape, but they don't really add too much to the overall flavor of the salad. The dressing is lemony and delish! It's a really simple salad that brings the ruckus. I've paid a lot more for salads and enjoyed them a lot less. This could have easily been two meals if The Kid hadn't attacked it right along with me.

Genghis Grill:
This is place is AWESOME! Its like the equivalent of Build-A-Bear for grown ups but with a little less fuzz and a lot more protein. You will be equally stuffed! There are more than 10 types of protein, a gazillion different veggies, lots of tasty sauces, and the carbs can be had on the side or not at all. You get your bowl, cram it whatever you like, hand it off to the cook, and you'll have your very own personalized dish delivered to your table. WLS, Atkins, low cal, whatever eating plan you're on, you can make it work at this place.
Good ole GG almost caused the dissolution of my marriage though. The serving size is way more than any WLS person can eat in one setting, so I always have leftovers. One day as I was boxing up said leftovers, PT was like, " Oh good! I can have something else to eat later on!" I of course came back with, " Aw hell naw. Getcho OWN food to go. Don't eat my stuff!" He ordered his own bowl to go and all was well with universe.
After a nap or something, I went into the kitchen to look for my leftovers and they weren't there. I KNEW that PT's greedy ass had eaten my food!!!
ww- WHY DID YOU EAT MY FOOD?!?!, I raged at him. THAT'S WHY YOU GOT YOUR OWN FOOD! QUIT FUCKING EATING MY FOOD!! WHY DIDN'T YOU EAT YOURS???
pt-  I did eat mine
ww- OH MY GOOOOOOOD!
I was so angry that I wanted to snatch his face off! UGH! I'm getting pissed just thinking about it. lol

Taco Bell:
I don't order anything from here, but the beans. I love these beans! I'm not a calorie counter, but the curious side of me took me over to the nutrition information for The Bell and it's a little surprising. You could have 5 crunchy tacos and still have fewer calories than the Chicken Ranch Salad. Things that make you go hmmm.
I can think of better things to spend 900 something calories on
What do you guys like to eat when you're sitting at home and too lazy to cook on the go?

ttyl

Saturday, February 26, 2011

VSG surgery Newness and Cool

??4.0

I'm losing weight?! lol.

Sans Script Saturday.

The BRAND SPANKING NEW CAR!!!



New belt....and a dirty ass mirror. This is PT's fault
New food affair. *swoon* Oysters Pappadeaux

New food find!

ttyl

Thursday, February 24, 2011

VSG surgery Protein Shakes and Donut Holes

??6.4

There are some really good things going on in the Waning Woman household, but I don't want to speak on them until they are firmly in hand. My stress level is on a steady decline and not feeling like you want to burst is uber awesomeness. Hopefully tomorrow I will have an OMG!OMG! LIFE IS THE BEES KNEES!! post. Fingers, toes, fallopian tubes, eyes, nose hairs ERRRRthang that can be crossed will be crossed. I might even double cross my neighbor and call La Migra....don't judge me.
We have a car. It's aesthetically deficient and it squeals like a pig every time you stick it with the key, but it runs. Its a lovely shade of maroon that fades to the most powdery and delicate shade of white in several areas. This jalopy brings forth the avante garde essence of Picasso. The green bumper and side panel, this bold color blocked style ska-reams high art. A car of just this kind was the muse for the classical stylings of this song immortalized by Sir Mix-a-Lot of "Baby Got Back" fame.

On the way to take PT to work, I managed to get in a Premier Protein Shake. For at least the past week, I've been slacking on my protein shakes. I just gonna hafta find me inner Stella and get my groove back. While I'm not too far off the course, I wanna get back into my routine. I'm gonna make a concerted effort to get them in even if that means having them as the appetizer to my donut hole main course. Once again, don't judge me.
nom..nom...nom...nom

A plethora of things are before me today, so I'm gonna get up off of me bum and get to gettin'. Oh yeah, my blogger buddy over at Never a Dull Moment has a recipe that looks like it would be totally WLS friendly. Click the link for Slow Cooker Carnitas!

ttyl

Monday, February 21, 2011

VSG surgery: Twitter and Pics

??7.4 I think

I don't feel like this week is gonna be a good week for my weight. I've been really busy and there is a dumptruck of busy still on the horizon. AAAAaaaahhhhh! Maybe I'll get a surprise and lose, but I'm not counting on it.

I've been tweeting like a mad woman! It took me 1500 tweets to finally get the hang of it, but man, I've hit the ground running. Recent tweets have included the words bacon, raccoon, rubber tubing, valtrex, peta, sciatica, and reparations. My girls Vanita the Instigator, Chrissy the Alligator, and Angel the Angel, and many others are waiting for you to come and join the party. Clothing and sanity are optional.

My tastes are definitely changing. I'm not a food snob or anything, but there is some slop that I just can't eat anymore. I don't know how much it has to do with my sleeve or just me getting older, but I have noticed a lot in the past few weeks. Just the other day we went to Buffalo Wild Wings and everything just tasted wrong. Wrong like 2 left shoes on a man with no legs, kinda wrong. We had an assortment of different things, but everything was salty and chemically tasting. I choked down a couple of overbreaded and processed fried mushrooms, but it was all that I could bear. Like I said, I am not stuck up about my vittles by any means. I stopped by William's Chicken the other day and gave their chicken strips an ass whooping that hasn't been seen since Antoine Dodson was running rapists up out the projects. I say all this to say that there is a lot of crap that I used to eat that no longer does it for me.

Well, I'm gonna leave you with this pic I posted on FB a few hours ago and run to Costco before they lock the doors on my black ass.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

VSG surgery: Surgiversary and motivation

??7.4

Life is funny. Age is bringing about a certain amount of realization about life and it's a little less gilded than I thought. Youthful naivete has been eroded away by hail storms of health, winds of weariness, maelstroms of muck. Its been said time after time by people far more eloquent than myself, but life is just fucking crazy. Truth is, even though I've been dealing with a lot of crazy, nobody's dead (yet), or homeless, or bankrupt, or starving, or addicted to drugs, or being abused, so I have to be thankful for the little things.
This week has been a whirlwind of the good, the bad, and the less than pretty and I've been swept up in it all this week. I don't really want to go into all of that right now, but its kinda sapped my energy. I've started and stopped at least a few blog entries that are sitting in my draft folder, but they'll probably just linger there in no man's land until I delete them a year from now. Like Miss Nelson, my mojo is missing and I gotta find it. I don't think that its gone forever, it might be visiting one of your blogs. I hope it's visiting. I really hate to think that one of you crept into my bedroom window and kidnapped my mojo, kicking and screaming.

Today is my surgiversary. It was one year ago today that I was wheeled into surgery and had most of my stomach removed so that I could lose weight. I had several motivations for losing weight, but before surgery I used to cry for my son. I didn't want him to have a fat mom.
The summer before I had surgery, The Kid and I were in the front yard when something just made him take off speeding down the sidewalk. His little legs were propelling him faster and faster, and I started after him....but start was all I could do. I tried to go after him, but he got farther and farther away. He was giggling and laughing all the while hurtling towards danger. It felt like I was swimming against a current and I couldn't reach my baby.
what do you think he's watching?
I will never love anything or anyone the way that I love my child and I want to protect him from the world. While I know that my love isn't enough to insulate him from the pains of life, I wish it was. Sometimes my mind will warp ahead to future heartaches and disappointments in The Kid's life, and these inevitabilities will evoke a sense of sadness. I didn't want him to have to suffer the insults and teasing, the cruelty and bullying because he had a fat mom.
I didn't ever want him to be embarrassed to be seen with me.
I didn't ever want to be embarrassed for him.
I didn't ever want my burden to be his.

Yesterday was like a perfect Spring day-bright, blue, breezy. It was far too gorgeous to be in the dingy and dank waiting area that'd been holding The Kid and me hostage, so we went outside.
We leapt over oil slicks.
He chased me around broken down cars.
We played tag in the rubble of whoknowswhat.
We had spark plug throwing contests.
We danced  in the sun and looked at our shadows.
 In the midst of all of this brown, and rust, and ugly, I had one of the most beautiful days.

Of all of the things that this surgery has given me, it has given the opportunity to be the mother that he deserves

Monday, February 14, 2011

VSG surgery: Hearts and Balance

??6.0
Happy Balance Time Day!!!
...as The Kid would say. I'd correct him, but its cute as hell. Anyway, trying to convince a three year old that something that they know or think or say or do is wrong is pretty much an exercise in futility. For example, his three year old logic has him convinced that our female dog is quite the opposite. One day he asked me what the bumps on our dogs torso where, and I told him that they were nipples. Because he has nipples, and girls can't have nipples, only chichi's, our dog is a boy. He has positively, unwaveringly declared that our sweet, little, girl dog is a boy.
LINZER COOKIES!!!!!!!!!
Aren't those cookies, beautiful?  Since today is all about love ( I LOVE THEM), hearts ( Look at the shape!), and sweets ( mmmmm!) this was the perfect opportunity to post a picture of them. Them being my beloved linzer cookies. I've been running around behind cake's back with La Madeleine's linzer cookies, and cake is really starting to get suspicious.You think they would be okay with being sister wives?

My weight is at an all time low today so I'm super stoked about that. I didn't want to set a goal for my surgiversary on the 19th, because that felt like too much pressure. But I have to admit that it would be cool to be 2 lbs lighter by then. 130 would sound nice. (Having 130 followers by then would be nice, too)  I've not held any hard timelines for weight loss as I know that weight loss can't be my only goal, but it is called weight LOSS surgery for a reason....and I like losing weight!

What I don't like is waking up out of my sleep choking because Sleevie wants to be an assclown and evict my stomach contents!! Ugh, he's a slumlord, cot damage. I  might have had a small, tiny, miniscule part to play in it. Normally, I try not to drink or eat within a few hours of bedtime. I'll occasionally make an exception if I'm extra thirsty, but still its never right before bed. Yesterday, I was tired to the bone and conked right out with my clothes on less than an hour after eating. Eating plus drinking to close to bedtime is an equation for disaster. Mount Saint Waning Woman erupted with a liquid so vile and acidic that my throat is still a little scratchy today. I woke up as it was making its ascent, and I was able to sit up before it could make its way to my nose. Acid in your throat is 10 times better than acid in your throat and nose.

Well, I'm going to spend part of my Valentine's Day at the hospital because we are going to have a new addition to the family arriving soon. My cousin, who I love dearly, is having her baby girl today. I gotta get up and get ready!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited!!!!!!!!

ttyl

Friday, February 11, 2011

VSG surgery Clothes and Movement

??7.8

Do these frames make me look like I know what I'm talking about?
Today is another one of those lets-type-and-just-see-where-this-blog-post-goes kind of days. My weight is down a little bit, so that's always good. You will never hear me complaining about any number on the scale that's lower than the one the day before.

My food intake yesterday was a shake for breakfast, chicken sausage for lunch, a chicken mini sandwich from Church's, and pintos and cheese from dinner. Those little chicken sandwiches from Church's are ridiculously good. If you get one, double check it for toenails cause somebody put their FOOT IN IT!!!!!

you like?
PT just called me and made plans for us to go out to dinner after I pick him up from work. I really don't want to go where he wants to go, but I'll suck it up this time. He's not the make plans kind of guy, so if he wants to go, I'm jumping on it! He's perfectly happy at home sitting in the house and never going anywhere. Me? Nope. If I'm not doing something, I feel like I'm going to explode from the inside out- blood and guts and bits of Sleevie Wonder all over the place! Knowing my dog she'd probably lick it up, and if I survived, our relationship would be irreparably damaged. How do you look at your dog the same after that? So in order to preserve canine human harmony in the Waning Woman household, ah movez around!!.
Before I had surgery, I didn't have the kind of energy that I have now and I never went anywhere. In addition to that, I could never find anything to wear. Being big severely limits your wardrobe options. Just the other day, I was underdressed for the weather, and I just went in the store and picked this little striped sweater up off of the sale rack. Now that is bliss!

ttyl







Thursday, February 10, 2011

VSG surgery: Weight loss surgery bloggers and nakedness

??8.0

I've been writing the same blog post for about 45 minutes. I know what I want to say, but my thoughts are so scattered that I don't know how to put it all together. I just decided to save it was a draft and try to come back to it another day. This is the substitute post.

First off, I'd like to say hello to the two new followers that I have. *big, giant, rib crushing hugs with sloppy, microbe transmitting, kisses* 

Nicole over at Disappearing Diva has just made my week! She said that I am so fabulous that she wants to assassinate me with a poisoned cupake and assume my identity. I tried to tell her that wearing the crown of the Queen of all Black People makes the head very heavy. Not to mention that upon my assassination, we would have the logistics issue with the pink elephants. Anyway, she had some very nice things to say about yours truly and they made me a little misty eyeded (pronounced like "i did"). You can check out her post right here.

Never trust a cupcake with a smile that thing is ♫POISON
Writing this blog has been a way for me to just put it all out there. I mean out there like dog balls. There are some things that I cannot say, but they have an easier time flowing out through my fingers. If we were to have a conversation and if even a third of the stuff that I type were to actually go over my vocal cords and out of my mouth, you'd baaaack awaaay veeeerryyyyy sloooowly. Its crazy! With this platform though, its easier to tap into some of the deeper things that are on my heart and on my mind.
I know for sure that there are two people in my actual, factual, real, true, government name, life who read my blog. I didn't know that they were reading it, as neither of them commented about it until I was pretty far in. While I am happy beyond measure that they read my drivel ( and like it!), it makes me feel naked. My issues, my problems, my emotions, my feelings, my CRAZY, is all out there for them to see.....I think that I want to be the Queen of all Black people to them....Having people that know you, see into you, through you, feels....weird. Its not painful, but uncomfortable.........*sigh* Just talking about this is making me feel more naked.....and a little weepy. I am glad that you are here, because you being here is a comfort in itself. I love you.

I think that the substitute post turned out even better than the original.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

VSG surgery Weight gain and hunger

??9.0

Mentirosa!!! My lying ass scale is making stuff up again. I thought that I already had a talk with her about that shit, but I see that its not working. I really gotta nip this in the bud. The next thing you know she'll be prank calling 911 telling the people that I got her ass hogtied and hanging over the shower rod. Well, that might be true if she keeps giving me weights that are 2 lbs up from the day before.

Maybe if I got a cute scale, I wouldn't hang it. No, scratch that. I'd want to hang it more.
This morning, my hunger woke me up out of my sleep. It was a gnawing at the pit of your stomach, about to eat through to your spinal column kind of hunger. I still haven't eaten anything yet (waiting for my food to get ready), but at least now some of the urgency is gone. Some people say that they don't experience hunger after the sleeve, but that hasn't been the case with me at all. I had one lady insist that I wasn't feeling real hunger, just an overproduction of acid and a desire for food because her doctor said that you don't get hungry.

First, I HATE people who think that what their doc/surgeon/nutritionist/trainer said is golden.
Second, I HATE people who try to tell other people that what they feel is wrong.

I've been experiencing hunger all of my natural, Black, life and I know what it is. That's like you cutting your finger and someone telling you, " Oh that's not pain." "Really? Its not pain.? How about I give you a swift kick in the ass and you tell me if that's real pain!?" It's as real now as it was then.

Oh yeah I entered a contest for chance to win some cool swag over here at scribbling in the margin.

Well, I'm about to go get back in the bed and cue up the episode of "V" I got on the dvr.

ttyl

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

VSG surgery Food choices and Calories

??7.0

On the FB page, I asked yall to pray for PT this morning.

"I'm about to take PT to work and I am not a morning person. Please pray for him on this blustery, cold Tuesday. Pray that he doesn't smack his gum too hard, sit funny, or breathe too loud. Amen"

One asinine exchange with PT (before we even left the house!) and it's very clear that y'all didn't do y'alls job.  I'm too busy saving the world in my Slash Boots, to pray for myself. Duh! What do I have to do around this place to get a little respect?! Anyway, this is what got my panties all up in a wad.

PT-Do you have any gum?
WW-No, I don't have any gum.
PT- We're out of gum. GOD! I'm the only person that buys gum around here!
WW-You're the only person that chews gum! OMG!

If I didn't have this whole Dr. Claw thing going on, I would show you my face right now! It's channeling so many emotions right now that my epidermis is on the verge of giving up, jumping off of my face, and hitching a ride to the airport. We'll see just see how far it goes without goverment issued id. UGH!

I've gotten lots of questions about how I eat and what I eat. For the most part, I still follow the no water with my meals rule. I'm not as stringent about waiting 30 minutes after drinking to eat, but I am a stickler for the waiting 30 minutes after eating to drink rule. While I can eat just about anything, Sleevie Wonder is FAR more sensitive than my old, 40 gallon, cast iron stomach. He has an off/on relationship with spicy foods, and while its manageable, it still annoying as all get out.
Yesterday, my food choices yesterday were less than ideal, but calorically, I think it was ok. I had cookies for breakfast, 2 drumettes for lunch, chicken strips and broccoli rice casserole for dinner, and when I finally made it back home, I had another cookie. I don't always make the best food choices when I'm stressed out, but I think that's pretty much 98% of America. Besides, the Scarlet Crusade has marched into town and ,well, you know how that goes.

I don't count calories because as I've said over and over again, I am lazy and inefficient. In this case, being lazy and inefficient would help me lose weight. I would never want to calculate calories on anything that wasn't labeled, or anything that required me to weigh or measure, so I just wouldn't eat it. If I counted calories, all I would have are water and Cheetos. I'm too lazy to way and measure, but not too lazy to count.

Well, I gotta make a run for the border and catch my face.

ttyl

Friday, February 4, 2011

VSG surgery Insurance and Irritation

??7.0

Can I have permission to die today? Not just permission to die, but to kill myself. I just want to die in spectacular, teenage, angst riddled glory. I want to die in dramatic fuckery, lying on a bearskin rug, surrounded by letters I've written to all of my adoring fans, clutching an empty bottle of benzodiazapene in one hand and a bottle of Wild Irish Rose in the other. Then, Old American County Mutual, you'll be sorry. Sorry that you're the pos insurance company that you are.

UGH! Irritation.

Apparently they can take as long as they want to determine liability and there is nothing that can be done about it. As long as they "say" they're "working on it" its all perfectly ok. Its not ok! We're out of pocket stuck paying the deductible until they decide that they want to pay up. That's a lot of money that we don't have. But you know what? They're gonna be out of a lot more when they pay for the custom dye jobs for the pink elephants that will be ferrying people back and forth to my funeral.

All of this just feels so wrong and I feel like I want to explode. The settlement for the car almost covers everything we owe on the car. But because Old American County Mutual is a bottomless pit dwelling, son of a motherless and toothless ogre whore, we are on hook for the deductible, too. Did I mention that we don't have a car? You know that minor thing. That one teeny weenie detail. UGH! Anyway, if you can't find me a headstone shaped like a cake, a cake shaped like a headstone will do just as well.

But I do have a piece of good news! I was ranting and raving yesterday about that article in "Shine" magazine that had the misinformation in it and I told you that I wasn't through making phone calls. Weeeell, I spoke with Tammy Beaumont, the Director of the Methodist Weight Management Institute and she couldn't have been more supportive of my argument. As soon as I got on the phone, the first words out of her mouth were, "You're absolutely right!" She told me that she would take steps to insure the integrity of the information in future issues and invited me to attend some of the support group meetings. *swoon* I think I love this woman. She was very pleasant and we talked on the phone for a few minutes as if we were old friend....like those two elephants in the picture.
By the power vested in me by Sir Duke Sleevie Wonder, Knight of the Octagonal Table, Prince of Cake, President of the United States of Dallas, Heir to the throne of Guamia, I hereby declare Methodist Health Systems absolved of all wrongness.

Anyway if somebody wants to give me an alibi for tonight when I crawl in the window of Old American County Mutual...never mind.

ttyl

Thursday, February 3, 2011

VSG Surgery Bariatric Surgery and Dallas

??7.4

Bored because of the winter weather whiteout in DFW, I decided to look through some mail that I picked up the other day. Amongst the bills and offers for CHEAPEST CARPET CLEANING IN DALLAS!!!, I found a copy of Shine, a "healthy-living magazine" produced by the Methodist Health System . I picked it because there was a picture of Sherri Sheppard on it with the headline "Bariatric Surgery Take Your Life Back." Of course that made my ass pick it up. I greedily flipped through the magazine scanning for the article about
Did she fool you to?
one of the stars from the "View" getting bariatric surgery AND getting it in Dallas. page 1......page15......back to page 7.....AH HA! There it is.
Only its not Sherri Sheppard. Surprised? Me, too. Tell me that this lady does not look EXACTLY like Sherri Sheppard on the cover. Anyi'vebeendupedandyouhavetooway...

I read the article only to be floored by the misinformation contained within one sentence.
"The gastric bypass/sleeve procedure is a minimally invasive weight-loss surgery that reduces the size of the stomach by stapling a large portion of it closed."

  1. Its not the gastric bypass/sleeve. Those are two totally different weight loss surgeries. I don't want to go into the specifics on here, but the are NOT THE SAME!!!
  2. Definition: A minimally invasive procedure is any procedure (surgical or otherwise) that is less invasive than open surgery used for the same purpose. While by definition it is technically a minimally invasive procedure, so would removing your brain through a  few holes in your head as opposed to taking off the top of your dome. If you're going under anesthesia and they're entering your body to remove something, anything, there will be risks.
  3. The gastric sleeve/vertical sleeve/vertical sleeve gastrectomy procedure does not work by stapling a portion of it closed. The stomach is cut and the staples are used to bring the two sides together just like regular ole stitches. I talked about that misconception in this blog post. Furthermore, the stomach is not stapled closed and just left there. Its cut, stapled, separated from the rest of the stomach, removed through that minimally invasive hole, and finally shipped off to Paris in a fed ex box. Stomach leather clutches are the hottest thing this Fall!
This is a sleeve!!
There is so much misunderstanding, misinformation surrounding weight loss surgery. The fact that the medical establishment, especially an esteemed institution like the Methodist Health System, can't get it right is very disheartening. And before somebody tells me to blame it on the journalist, I AM!! Let me tell you that my nonmedical school educated ass can tell you the difference among all of the bariatric procedures, give you a list of all of the pros and cons, and tell you what they do and don't do to your anatomy. You know why? Cause I'm the smartest, mose edgeumacatered, blogr who nose evrythign? Cuase I can due riffmaticical eekwayzuns offa teh top of my dome? Well, while all of the aforementioned items have an extremely high probability of certainty, its because I did my research.

So what did Waning Woman do? She called the department and got in touch with Public Relations and actually spoke to the person who wrote the article. And you know what I heard? A lot of blame shifting.
Sandra-"Well we talk to the patients and a patient will describe something and all we can go on is what they describe. Sometimes the patients themselves will have a misunderstanding of the procedure."
Me "Well could you do an article on the different surgical procedures to educate the public?"
Sandra-"We don't want to make the patients feel bad about their..um....lack of preparedness. There are some people for whatever reason don't have the resources to do the research."
Me-"That's exactly what I'm talking about!"
Sandra-"Well we do the best that we can and sometimes things get overlooked. I'm not a doctor"
Me-"I'm not a doctor either, so you cannot use that as an excuse."
Sandra-"We have team of paid proofreaders and doctors, sometimes things get by. Maybe for this patient and her situation was specific and they just told us what they know"
Me-"I think that as a medical establishment, you owe a service to the community to provide accurate information."
Sandra-"Well...doctors...the patient....proofreaders....editors...physician that does the review of the article.."

Blame shifting at its best. Its everybody's fault, but nobody's fault at the same time. Instead of trying to find out where the breakdown happened,instead trying to make sure that this type of thing doesn't happen again, instead of doing the RIGHT thing, I just got a lot of  "um's" and "well's"

But, I've got a few more names and numbers and a few more calls to make, so I will be following up more on this in a bit.

ttyl





Tuesday, February 1, 2011

VSG surgery Pizza and tired

??7.6

I freaked out when I got on the scale today because I haven't had a swoosh like that in a long time. Usually I get to a low weight and then bounce around for a while. I held my low weight for 3 days and then I woke up with a new all time low today. I even had PT weigh himself to make sure that the scale was right.

My eating yesterday was decent. It started out pretty well with a Premier Protein Shake for breakfast, 2 slices of pizza for lunch, meatballs with salsa for dinner, and a few bites of this and that throughout the day. That's pretty much how I eat most days, and while there are some "better" days and there a "worse" days (with "worse" days winning 2:1) this is what works for me. Eh......*shrug*

Over the weekend, I found out that the CAR WE JUST BOUGHT AND HAVE MADE ONE PAYMENT ON, is a total loss. UUUUUGGHGHGHHHH. I really just wanna die right about now. I've been trying not to let myself think about it because it really is just too much. All down payment money that we put into the car is gone and we'll owe a few more payments on it. We're without a car, carless. There are so many -less things I'd rather be right now. Celluliteless, doghairinthecarpetless, debtless, CARFUCKINGPAYMENTless, fearless.
Fearless, now that is a really good one. I wish I could stand here, PT and I dug in and ready to stand our ground against Life. Defying, denying, deflecting every thing bad that comes our way. My armor, chinked and tarnished, is about to fall apart little by little until there is nothing but a pile of rivets and rust at my feet.
I'm tired of talking to insurance folks.
I'm tired of stressing about how PT is gonna get to work.
I'm tired of getting into accidents.
I'm tired of physical therapy.
I'm tired of The Thing of Which I Will Not Speak.
I'm tired of my son being gone.
I'm just tired.

I want somebody else to worry for me, but that's just not how life works. Wishing impossible things before breakfast only works if your name is Alice you're friends with a phase shifting cat.

Well, I'm gonna get in my ghetto/juryrigged/pseudo/backwoods/faux snuggie and get back into bed.
Its not a Snuggie. Its a Quggie- an old ass quilt











Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics

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