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Thursday, May 10, 2012

Acid Reflux after the Sleeve

 Hey yall. I'm treading water over here trying to stay afloat in all of the stuff that is going on around me. Ya'll know I'm not a discloser, but I will tell you I'm about to go crazy over here. It isn't all happening to me, some of it is happening to the people closest to me, but there have been emotional, financial, and health issues.
Lately I've noticed that my heartburn is really ramping up. I'm not sure how much of it is stress and how much of it is related to the fact that I can't find Prevacid anywhere. I went to three stores the other night and I damn near cried when the pharmacist told me that they didn't have it and didn't know why.

Prevacid is as elusive as Bigfoot.
A 50 dollar hooker with all of her teeth, no hygiene issues, and has a signature move "Last Train to Saigon".
the last number in pi.
AFFORDABLE HEALTH  INSURANCE (fyi, if you do have a good job and want to add me to yours, I'm taking applications from ALL acceptable suitors-men, women, preop transexuals-unless you're in NC)

This is an actual picture of my insides. I fucked up the endoscope.
Which brings me back to why I have to take Prevacid. I have no insurance ( I know...I know) It is the only over the counter anything that works for me. I can pop antacids until I'm at the point of being hypercalcemic and it won't make a dent in my heartburn. Hell, my acid relux shits on antacids. I can take two Zantac and within an hour my symptoms will be back. Zergerid, Zantac, Tums, Tagamet, Pepcid, Wal-Zan, Gaviscon, Prilosec-I have taken them all and its like trying to fight a lion with a cupcake wrapper and a folding card table. Yeah, that is like the antithesis of winning.
There are foods now that aggravate me that never did before. I can't really eat pizza anymore which saddens me. Maybe if I get my acid issues completely under control I might be able to be seduced by a savory slice, but until that day comes I gotta watch it. I pretty much can't eat whatever it is That Guy can't eat in the heartburn commercials. Ugh....I don't wanna be That Guy!! The potbellied guy with the bbq stained white t shirt, a-sweatin and a-huffin while grabbing at his chest. I'm a walking commercial! This is not the kind of commercial I want to be. I want to be a hair commercial or a tampon commercial. Hell, at least they cast pretty, happy, shiny people for those. No instead I get to be Bubba.

Weirdly enough, there are some people who have acid reflux before surgery and the sleeve actually improves it. I ended up butter side down on that toast flip. This isn't a major complication, but just know that it can happen after the VSG. I never had heartburn before surgery other than during my pregnancy. NEVER. This sucks and I bitch about it constantly, but you know what sucks worse? Back pain, knee aches, being tired all the time, having to shop in two of the 200 stores at the mall. That is the true definition of suckage.

This is the official birthday notice! Yall have three weeks to round up whatever spare change yall can find. I really do expect to find a fedexed cake sitting on my doorstep on May 31. I want you to come together and make this happen for me. Just look over at the Friend Connect bar and do exactly what it says- CONNECT. Email each other and just make it happen. I am SO for real.

href="">Image: twobee /

Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics


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