Click the links below for more info. You know you wanna do it!

Friday, June 14, 2013

Your Weight Matters: 2013 Obesity Action Coalition Conference

The OAC, Obesity Action Committee, had their inaugural event in Dallas last year and I wasn't really sure what to expect. I've been to a few conferences before but the experiences are as varied as the agenda of the different organizations, are there are a lot of different organizations. Coming into the community you see quite a few letters thrown around and it can be confusing as all hell. I had thought I had an idea what the OAC was about (Fighting Obesity, duh?!) but it wasn't until I was there that I really understood.

I know that this sounds corny, but the OAC is right there on the front lines.
We are trying to change the way that obesity/obesity related stigma is dealt with on a sweeping level from municipal to federal.
We're infiltrating The Hill, your State Representatives' offices, even your Senators'
We are the people that you DON'T see.

I bet you didn't know that the OAC is behind getting Medicare coverage for the Sleeve, Laparoscopic Sleeve Gastrectomy.

Did you know that the OAC is petitioning our elected leaders to establish a Congressional Treat Obesity Caucus? Like most people, you probably didn't even realize there was a need for one because the need seems obvious. They have them for salmon and even algae, but not obesity? With a few simple clicks you can even send a letter/email to your representative and get them on board by inputting little more than your name and zip code.

Have you heard about those wellness plans many companies are initiating with their group health coverage? Insurance rates are soaring and there is the thought that incentivizing (eg. weight loss) or penalizing (eg weight gain) certain standards can help with overall costs. Sounds good right? They are just encouraging us to be healthy.
The truth is shaming and bribery don't work and you are a fool if you think this is anything but that.
In some instances, they will penalize shame you for having a BMI over 30 but then turn right around and not even offer any sort of health coverage to help you shed the weight.

The OAC is tirelessly advocating and acting to stop many discriminatory policies like these. Action is our middle name.

You can join the OAC too and go to the conference in Phoenix this year. Be a part of the "We"

I want to be a part of the "We" but I will need your help to get there. The OAC is sponsoring a blogger recruitment contest and all I need is for ten of you to put my name in the referral spot. It's that simple. Then I will have a chance to attend the conference for free. Go register. You know you want to be a part of this.

If you have already registered, send an email to and tell them to put Waning Woman/Kesha in the referral spot. The recruitment contest ends July 15 so get those registrations in.

Spread the word about this incredible event. #YWM2013

You wanna be there. Trust me.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

So I got a colonic the other day...

This is me on the table

I've been on Groupon like crazy lately so when I saw a "INFRARED WRAP LOSE A MILLION POUNDS IN JUST 45 MINUTES PLUS A SESSION OF COLON HYDROTHERAPY FOR JUST 29.99" I had to try it. I know better of course but curiosity is a mother!

Let me tell you about the wrap first.
I arrived at the office filled out a few forms and I went into a room where I changed into sweatpants and  long sleeve shirt. After donning the exquisitely fashinable garb, I went into the room where they put on some Enya-esque music and old me to lay on a table. The wrap isn't really a mummy like wrap so much as it is a big ass electric blanket. So they burritoed me, and before I knew it, my ass was being woken up 45 minutes later soaked from head to toe. That was it. The heat put me right to sleep and I woke up needing a change of clothes. Not unlike a the last time I went to Cancun...... but instead of heat it was mezcal and instead of a change of clothes it was a new identity, but that's a whole other story. Anyhoo I'd give it 2.5 stars out of 5. I'd do it again if somebody else was paying for it. In all seriousness though even after I rehydrated I've been down a pound and a half. Who knows.

Just a little over a week later, I returned to the same place for my colonic. My brother told me that he'd had one and that afterwards he felt as light as Hugh Jackman on Broadway in a leotard and pointe shoes. Sounds magical right?
Anyway I was whisked into this small room with the LIBBE contraption, TV, candles, and most important on the list- a toilet. The practitioner came into the room, shot the shit with me, talked a little about homeopathic and non traditional medicine, and then left me in the room to get ready.

I stripped from the waist down, put on a t shirt and laid on the table. The good thing about the LIBBE system in that you get to put the nozzle into your own butt. After I was comfortably on the table with tube and my butt and draped for modesty the practitioner came back in, popped in a DVD and instructed me to turn on the machine.
The nozzle that goes in your butt. 
He told me not to bear down, but the first couple of times it was hard not to. The water filled up my lower bowel and I was kinda scared to release because I it felt like the nozzle was going to fly right out of my butt. Luckily it didn't this time and out of me came a dirty tinged, speckled fluid.

After I released I didn't feel relief and I kinda tensed up at the anticipation of the next fill. My toes curled up a little bit as the liquid ascended higher into my colon and I felt the distenstion of my abdomen. In a brief moment of "OMG WTF" panic I almost hopped my Black ass down off of the table after I envisioned the water coursing through my ENTIRE digestive system, through Sleevie, up and out of my esophagus, and down trachea drowning me right there on the table. I didn't die, but with that release I felt beads of sweat pop up on my forehead.

After that point, there really weren't anymore voluntary releases. My sufficiently pissed off colon went into peristalsis and I experienced what I can only describe as throwing up out of my butt.

The time passed by super slowly and then the practitioner came in to check on me and give me a massager to use on my abdomen to break up the pieces. He was a really nice guy, but it seemed like it was taking him forever to plug in the damned thing and I just wanted him to get the hell out of there so I could butt chuck in relative peace. Taking a poo, even a medically induced one, while somebody is talking to you and you're in a supine position is just really, really, really, weird.

After he left I took the massager placed in on the areas of my abdomen where there was cramping to help the hardened material come loose. I think it just pissed off my colon more.

By then, the sweating, fuzzy feeling, was just too much so I turned off the machine a little before my 45 minutes were up. He came in finished me up by turning the machine to cold to tighten me back up and as soon as he left I jumped up off of the table so that I could let that final fill out on the toilet. I'm going to say this again. Letting your bowels go while laying down just feels wrong. I felt better sitting on familiar territory. Once my insides stopped quivering and pulsating, I washed down and got dressed.

In summary there was nothing magical about it. There was no lego from toddlerhood that showed up in the viewtube, no gum from 4th grade, in fact there was nothing that came out that was extraordinary or remarkable.I also didn't magically lose 5 pounds. 
I was wore out. Instead of Hugh Jackman in pointe shoes I felt like Huge Jackman, porn star extraordinaire after a world record desperate need of a hosedown, a good ass nap and a contract to self promising not to put nothing in my butt for the next 6 months.
I give this 1.5 stars out of 5. I am about a pound lighter but I wouldn't do it again if YOU paid for it.

Note to self: Just use Miralax next time. Same effect and much cheaper

Waning Woman is sponsored by North Texas Bariatrics


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